Well, I guess I was right. I've actually been waiting for this since her H told me a few months ago that she was crying all the time worrying that H was coming back to me.<P>She is 3 months. Just told my H sometime this month.<P>My H started off the conversation by saying he had something really bad to tell me.<P>I think I shocked him by my lack of surprise. I really was expecting it. I even told his mom and sister. But that';s because I KNOW the OP!!! It's the final hook!!!!!!!<P>H is an unbelievable mess. We went out to dinner. After he told me a little he just wanted to NOT talk about it. He just wanted to talk about the kids. He is not happy about it. She is showing. A couple of people in the office know it is his.. <P>I am just staying in my house away from everyone. Apparently his mom suggested having it adopted. Her sister apparently advised that as well. She doesn't want too.....naturally!!!!<P><BR>My MIL also advised having a paternity test. She was also sleeping with her H on occasion at that time. He said he will.<P>But of course..... when she became pregnant with her daughter about 4 years ago..she went on and on about how difficult it is for her to get pregnant.... She had tried so hard. HA...my MIL said "she used BC with her H, but not my son!!!!<P>This was the first lucid conversation that I have had with my Husband since he came home from that d*** trip. This is truly a text book soul mate affair....suddenly affected by reality.<P>My H does not know what he is going to do. We did not talk at all about either relationship.... I saw my H for the first time tonight.... I heard his voice... It was music to my ears... I was able to ask him how he is sleeping (not good), how his shoulder is (he fx his clavicle last year)... We talked at great length about the kids and a few friends we have. <P>He is very messed up... I don't think he really knows what is going on... But I think he will wake up.... What do you think...<P>I was so calm I think it woke him up further. I was very loving and supportive. I can't push him too much right now...have to let it all sink in and let him talk to me when he wants to. I told him I would support him. <P>It's hard to say what he must be thinking...you may not believe this about him based on this behavior, but he has always been honorable. I'm afraid she's banking on it. <P>NOw he did mention to me 2 weeks ago...about the kids seeing OP... so I don't know if he is thinking he still loves her...or is thinking he doesn't love me. Like I said...he doesn't know what happened to him...and I wouldn't either if I had not read it here over and over and over.<P>Any words of advice here will be greatly appreciated. Believe it or not...I am OK. And I will be OK... Just to actually talk to my H and have it be him is enough for now.<P>He doesn't want our kids to know. He wants to see the kids as much as he can. He said even though he's complicated his life so much, it doesn't mean mine has to....he wants to help me out when I go to class!!!<P>I told him I love him, and believe in him...I just hope its enough.

TT- I really wish I knew what to say to you.<BR>I know you were expecting this but, man, this really sucks. She is using a innocent child to get what she wants that is lower than low. It's apparent that your H is not happy about this. May mean that this has been a slap in the face to him. Maybe he is waking up and is relizing that this little game has its consequences. Not to be rude or sarcastic but isn't your H a Dr.? He of all people should know about birth control.<P>Hugs,<P>Jill

You do sound OK...<P>And, maybe the dose of reality will be good for him...<P>Here's hoping it turns out to be her H's child...<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi

<BR>Holy Cow Too Trusting!<P>You deserve a medal. I can't even comment, except to wish you the best of luck. <P>Looking to the future... When you're husband comes back to you,(and I bet a million dollars he will!) how will you be able to handle the arrival of his child with this other woman? You seem to be very strong and have a lot of support from your family...but how will you deal with this?<BR>Your poor children...thank goodness they have a strong Mother. <BR>I'm not sure how I would handle this, of even if I could.<BR>God Bless.<BR>Jennifer<P>------------------<BR><BR>JJJ

I can't even believe I am handling it. Like I said, when my H finally admitted to the PA it was like "ok...now I know what it is"<P>This has been a classic...soulmate....romantic....insane..<BR>affair.<P>I do NOT doubt that they have felt, do feel? "in love"... But the question is... "is the grass really greener on the other side" I say NOT.<P>If my H were to come back to me.. I know I could handle it. Why??? read some of the posts on the EB marathon.<P>This IS HUMAN NATURE!!! unfortunately. I know I have mentioned time and time again my H's naivete... He just didn't know. OP is a "master". I've always known that. What I didn't know was the damage not protecting yourself would do.<P>I mean what else COULD happen when two people who like each other, who work closely and well doing very intense work that they love, commiserating, going out to lunch, and oh yeah, by the way....there's all the admiration and adoration and fawning by OP.<P>I guess I am not naive. I'm not taking my H off the hook here...or myself and the lack of attention to H due to kids, by myself etc. But I believe men don't always see it coming and women do. <P>Maybe I'm making a generalization, but I've watched it time and time again... I've also been the recipient of MM attention and turned it off. So, I suppose it is a generalization based on my beliefs... <P>But I do know this OW...she knows me... and I know my H.... She only thinks she does.

tootrusting,<P>I don't know how you can handle this.. I imagined myself in your situation, and my heart aches. And I'm not waiting for my H anymore and feel this way.<P>You are so brave. And your H must be greatful to get support from you. If I were you I would break down in front of H.. <P>OW's H knows about this? How is he handling this? Gosh, I really don't know what to say... it's just good to see you sound ok.<P>I am so sorry for this.. They added one more people to hurt. When are they going to stop? Obviously OW used this to be with your H.. I hope, I really hope your H sees real OW now.<P>Your are in my prayers.<P>Meg

Hi Tootrusting<P>You have now reached the point called acceptance. You are seeing this situation for exactly what it is : a romantic, soulmate (I am off my rocker, and have totally lost the plot) AFFAIR. Not a true relationship, but an AFFAIR, the proverbial bit on the side, grass is greener (NOT) AFFAIR. <P>How evil (along with stupid) is this woman. Pregnant, think about that, morning sickness, bloated tummy and swollen boobs. How romantic!! I think your poor (lost the plot) husband is on his way back from outer space. And this is your turn to be the best MB Plan A'er you can be. Keep doing exactly what you did the last time you saw him and be there for him as much as you can. I think you have coped wonderfully with this shocking news and I think he will have seen that. Also, your handling of the situation has definitely deposited love units in his Lovebank. <P>I also bet a million dollars that he will come back to you. As your closing statement said: But I do know this OW...she knows me... and I know my H.... She only thinks she does.<P>Use that to your advantage.<P>I pray for you to have the strength to continue on your path.<P>FET

Darn Tootrusting,<BR>I am so sorry. Amazing that people on the board had an idea and you were prepared. Its so good that you were not blindsided by this revalation and could handle it so well. Makes me so glad my H had a vasectomy!<P>You sound so strong, I know you will be OK. I guess this means they weren't just coulleges with a common goal for the greater good of humanity huh? I though they just did it when you forced him to a few weeks ago. I am mad for you. Maybe I am not forgiving enough to do this. I don't think its fair that we never get to say I told you so to them.<BR>Lora

Oh, I totally knew it!!! when you said something about it last night, and I was mad for you, but I didn't want to say anything; I know that he's your husband and that you love him.<P>Guess I didn't have to be mad for you--you have everything under control. You know darn well that you will never be dealt anything that you can't handle, and you are handling this just fine.<P>Yeah, I think that he is on his way back, but you have a long road ahead of you.<P>I keep thinking about the new baby. Knowing that you are the wife of it's father, I think that it will have a happy life, as happy as possible. Because you are a good, loving person and will provide well for the situation. God does not bring little ones into the world without a potential and a future for them. And this baby, even though brought to be by the selfishness of its parents, is a child of God, too. There is a rhyme and a reason for this.<P>Good luck to you, and stay strong.

TT,<P>I don't kmow what to say! I am amazed at your courage and strength. This has got to be so difficult and yet you are really doing your "stuff" now. Congratulations to you for being the BETTER person in this. I'm so proud of you for not falling apart, which is what I would have done.<P>I wish there were something I could do for you. It appears you have a fairly good support team in your arena and I'm glad for that.<P>Let us know how it's going with H. I know he is so impressed with you right now.<P>I thank God my H had vasectomy also, but his old bag probably couldn't have children any more, even if she could, she's to selfish... who knows, who cares, she had hers when she was in her late teens. She says" she's done raisin' her kids". Well, poo- poo- pee- doo! Sorry, but they all make me sick!<BR>Especially your H's!!! This just boils my blood, I'll probably slap my H sometime tonight, just for you ... He won't mind, he will just think it's just "because".<P>I'll bet you anything the OC is her H's!!!<P>Thinking of you and admiring you,<BR>Cathy

TT:<P>I am surprised although you did mention it as a possibility...I guess I was just surprised either of them could be so stupid...to bring a child into this unsettled fantasy relationship....what could they have been thinking....or not thinking.<P>I'm afraid this is just what you said...the perfect hook to keep you H on line...the perfect hook for an honorable man...but I think it may have been a mistake on her part.<BR>I'm sure his dreams of a idea humanitarian based relationship do not include a new baby.<BR>Seems more like an attempt on her part to bind him to her...an obvious attempt...even to him it should be obvious.<P>I know at one time my H's OW talked about have another baby (she's got four) and he thought she was out of her mind and I advised him to be careful. It's the perfect trap, but I don't think it would work with him either....that's also the last thing he wants.<P>This may be his wakeup call. Keep your cool and wait and see.<P>Buffy<P>

Thanks for your replies. I guess I really don't want to bash the OP. I'm sure she is in a bad state right now herself.<P>I actually was always one of her staunchest supporters...when people would say negative things. I knew she was bold...calling herself the "office wife" to my face and other things... I just figured she was somewhat insecure underneath.<P>But, she worked very hard for H. And they went through a pretty big crisis at work 2 years ago. I know they were good friends....just didn't know how good.<P>Plus, I am equally as guilty for not "being there" for H....like I said....caught in my own interpretation of the workaholic situation.<P>I'm sure they fell "in love"...I'm sure my H fell out of love with me.<P>Now the question is....since he is an "honorable" man (found in a bad situation) What is the "right thing to do"???<P><BR>

TT,<P>BTW, would you happen to have southern roots somewhere in your lineage? You certainly portray yourself as a Steel Magnolia!!! or is it that you are just a Good WOMAN!!!<P><BR>Cathy

Well I guess Leilana was right when she did my reading and said I don't have good intuition. I'm so very sorry TT, my gut told me this wasn't gonna be the news.<P>I certainly hope that the blood/DNA tests that I know you'll have done will show the child to be the OW's H. I pray for that.<P>If, however, it turns out to be your H's, then you do have a long road ahead of you. I know it's early in the game to think about this but having this same thing happen to me TWICE, I will tell you that the OCs in my life were a true blessing in disguise. The short time I spent with them they were the children I never had. I loved them like my own.<P>As far as the OW, well if your H is the father you will be tied to her for a long time as well. But I know you're strong TT, I know you can handle all the changes and dynamic shifts that are headed your way. <P>And I truly believe your H will be coming back to you. You're one very amazing woman, and he knows it. He'd never find anyone like you again.<P>This is a great big REALITY check for him, now things are starting to make sense. All his mood swings and back and forth movement of meaness and indifference. His declaration of wanting a D, all this makes perfect sense. He must be feeling the weight of the world right now.<P>Good bye fantasy affair and hello "REAL WORLD!" He's gonna need you TT.<P>When he told you I'm sure he fully expected you to break down or even hysterics. But instead you were strong and calm and understanding, you must have blown him away. Now he will look to YOU for his support because the OW is not to be trusted, he questions whether she did this deliberately or not. Even if he is naive, he has that doubt in his mind, believe me.<P>You have some time before the birth to figure the legalities of all this out. From my experience, the Blood/DNA tests cannot be performed on the child until they're at least 6 mos of age. And if this child is your H's the OW will be eager to attach herself to anything of yours and your H's via the child. I'm just giving you a heads up so you're not blind sided. But I know you'll be prudent and glean all legalities involved. <P>A couple questions TT, does the OW's H know and if so, how'd he take it? And also, how old is OW?<P>Many prayers for you TT. I really wish this wouldn't have happened. I'm just so sorry, Hon.<P>I know you won't bash OW TT, but I'll tell you something ... we women, especially in our later years know our bodies pretty well, hence we have a clue when it's biologically a good time or not (I mean I know the very days I'm ovulating, don't the rest of you?), and she would have to be either stupid or have a hidden agenda NOT to use BC when sleeping with a married man. <P>I just needed to say that. <P>Jo<P>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 30, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 30, 2000).]

TT,<BR> You are handling this much better than I did when I got the news. I admire your strength. I also realize that my H and I had grown apart before the affair, but it was his choice to have it. He could have worked things out with me instead. Yours should have also.<BR> I hope that you continue to be strong. I find that I still have pretty rough moments at times usually brought on by the OW in our situation. For the most part, I am a lot better than I was. I hope for you that the OC is not your H's, sounds like there's a good chance of that. I wish I could be as hopeful in our situation. I have already prepared myself for the worst, but I love my H and will stand by him through all of this. There's not much we can do in this type of situation except be supportive. Good luck, and hope things turn out for the best for you and H.<BR>

I am reminded too well of the days of the month that I'm--shall we be crass?--in heat. Especially because of being celibate for the last 7 months. It's getting downright painful.<P>Yer darn right she knew what was going on--all for what? To trap a married man? Duh.<P>I feel for TT. And I feel for him. I even feel for her--for having a synapse dysfunction.

I don't know if her H knows. He didn't the last time I talked with him. But he left me a message saying he put a for sale sign on the house and was leaving. So maybe he does.<P>I bet she was using BC with H and Not mine, but I don't know. I bet this is my H's. She was so worried he was coming home.<P>Of course, her H has been demonized as well...and for awhile. she had been complaining about him. He currently does not have a job. But I don't know how he could because he was Mr. Mom. running around taking care of the kids and doing all of her errands. Before he left he seemed ready to have a nervous breakdown. that's because he had known every detail (cept this one i think). I only knew what I knew from him. My H just was "possessed" when he was talking to me.<P>I have no idea what is going on right now. I'm sure my H is going to have to get her out of this somehow. I can't even imagine what people they work with think. <P>And for all who asked...she will be 40 soon.

Hi TT,<P> I know you don't want to bash the OW (you are an incredible person) but I will. What an evil, evil person to use an innocent child to further one's goals....and yes, half is your H's fault, but I'm betting she decieved him about the BC.<BR> <BR> I wish we could all do something for you, at least be there to support you in person. One other thing, if she is 3mos. then it was already a PA before you supposedly "pushed him into it"?? I am so angry right now I could scream......have you not had enough misery? LU

TT,<P>Wow! You are one strong woman. I think you are doing great being there for your H and letting him know that you still love him and support him. It sounds like reality just slapped him in the face.<P>He does have some soul-searching to do. As far as what the honorable thing is...I think he will come to see that the honorable thing to do is to stay with you but support the child if it is indeed his and if she keeps it.<P>Let's hope she listens to the advice being given her and gives it up for adoption. I feel so bad for you and all concerned but mostly for the child. <P>Hugs to you TT! You're doing great! <P>

tootrusting...<P>I've been following your story. I can only shake my head in wonderment...and feel compelled to share this with you.<P>I hear your strength and "peace" right now. I believe there is an extra load of grace being poured out on you right now. You are all to familiar with this roller coaster ride, and it is not over. Just be prepared for some more emotional 'dips' in this ride. You will be ok...I am confident. But hold on. You don't deserve to go through this.<P>God Bless...