I mean, come on, I'm up at 4:00 in the friggin morning! Here's the latest in our saga.<P>H is a half-hour late to his haircut appointment yesterday. I'd been trying to get a hold of him at his job because I sliced my finger open. The receptionist assured me that she had left a message right on his timecard (he works in a manufacturing plant, so talking to him at work is nearly impossible.) He never called me. He gets off of work at 3:30, his H/C appt was at 4:00. at 3:45, I called up the salon (the lady who cuts his hair is also my nail tech, and she knows what's going on with us.), and asked if he had shown up. She said that no, he had called her and said that he would be about fifteen minutes late. I then called his job, and they informed me that he had checked out already. I told Laurel (the hairstylist/nail tech) that when he gets there, to have him call me. I got off of work at 4:30 - still no call. Of course my first thought is that he went and saw Roseanne Barr's ugly twin sister again. I went to the salon, and his truck was there. I snooped through it looking for evidence (I know, I know) On his work binder, there was a picture of a naked woman glued to the back of it (one printed off of the internet, I could tell.) Now see, we argue about his obsession with porn on the internet all the time. I found out that he had printed a picture off, but he supposedly had given it to his best friend, and he had put it on his work binder. Hmmmm. So I tore what I could of the picture off, wrote on the remaining pieces left on the binder "GET A LIFE! And stop with the lying BS!"<P>I went into the salon, quickly and abruptly reminded him of an appointment that he had later, handed him the crumpled remains of his precious picture, and walked out, with him asking "what's this?"<P>I had a hair appointment at another salon down the road, and in the middle of that, he walks in and starts yelling at me in front of everybody! Finally, I yelled back, told him to get out, that I never should have taken his sorry @$$ back, and that I wasn't coming home. He said fine, but if you do, YOU had better come back in a better mood. (Whatever!!!)<P>Now, for the past 3 years, I've been growing my dark brown hair out. My H LOVES long hair, and it looked a lot like Nicole Kidman's long, curly hair, which he adores. Also, both OW have long, dark hair (not curly and not pretty, but long. That's always been a trigger for me.) Rule #1, my dear H - never show your @$$ at a salon when your W is getting ready to get "just a trim" on that long, beautiful hair that you love so much. Needless to say, I know have a short, layered bob (which I had her straighten for me), and I highlighted my hair blond, a la Mariah Carey. Personally, I think that it's extremely cute. But it would figure, I come home, my H apologizes for the way he acted (but he made sure to add that his behavior was justified, by golly! But it wasn't "right".) He then told me that he loved my haircut (D'OH!!!) I was too upset, and still am. I just couldn't talk to him. He left this morning, and we were still bickering over little things. I'm just sick of this. It never used to be like this, and I'm wondering if this is a sign that there really isn't any hope for our marriage. It's like, I'll try to Plan A, it lasts 3 or 4 days, and then he'll do something to piss me off, and it's back to the drawing board. I'm getting tired of trying.

CB,<BR>Actually you aren't to the worst of the 3 states of marriage.<BR>1) intimacy<BR>2) conflict (I see you here)<BR>3) withdrawal--this is where is gets more hopeless and hard to get the other person or marriage back.<P>That's not the least bit comforting, is it? But some of us who've hit withdrawal, hope for the conflict stage (still no LB allowed).<P>Your H is acting crummy, but you did get an apology, ignore that it wasn't a great apology...he can learn.<P>I don't know if this old analogy will work for you, but when I told my 71 year old mother, married 53 years to a "challenging" man about Plan A, she said, "I always told you you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Maybe seeing your H as a big, ole fly will help, maybe not. I've always wondered the purpose for catching the flies myself... oh, yeah, I was in metaphor...<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Lor, I swear, you and Lostva always seem to know exactly what to say (how do you DO that?!?!) I know that my situation could be a lot worse, but I just wish it would start getting better instead. But I know, nobody said it would be easy. It's just that lying is my #1 pet peeve. I don't think he was with Janine yesterday - he hadn't taken a shower since Saturday, and he works in a lumber mill AND goes fishing all the time (and he wonders why I haven't been "in the mood" all week!) No, he's drop-dead, hubba-hubba, do me now gorgeous when he cleans up. Unfortunately, he knows it. That's why I rarely compliment him anymore. Wow, how did I go off on this tangent? <P>I liked the metaphor. The only problem with seeing him as a big ole fly is trying to resist nailing him with a flyswatter! <P>Thanks again, Lor!

<BR>Because you started a thread I had to take a peak at your compatibility ahead of time. <P>Your strength is in your physical union. You may have to learn to exert your whiles before you can iron out your differences. "Pillow talk". <P>Not too different from catching a fly with honey, now, is it?<P>Will be able to give you more tomorrow, Hon--you're 2nd in line right now. <P>Aloha,<P>Leilana