Hi All,<P>Mostly lurking these days, but I need some encouragement or something.<P>My H (XH now) had a 19 mth affair. It ended 2 wks b4 the divorce was final. We attempted reconciliation, but I am sorry to say, it is not working out.<P>We spent 3 glorious weeks together; getting to know each other again; spending time w/ our D as a family; but, I guess it's not enough.<P>He is confused. He wants to date. He affair OW is now back (damn her!) and he is "seeing" yet another woman, along with me (well, not anymore w/ me)<P>He told me that I am too good for him. He doesn't deserve me; He needs more time; He thinks he can fall in love with me again, but he can't committ to our relationship.<P>I told him I love him and that I want to be a family, but that I can't take this anymore. I explained why we can't be friends; that it's to painful.<P>He told me he will never forget me, and that maybe our paths will cross again; but timing is everything. He said if I truly love him, I need to let him go. So, that is what I am doing. I am letting him go. It's not what I want, but it is what I have to do.<P>He has been offered a job out of state, and will most likely take it. He is worried about seeing our D, but he needs to get away; start 'fresh'.<P>The way I see it, he'll move, and me and our D will become a distant memory. He will get involved with his job, new friends, and the trip back to us will become to cumbersome.<P>He is so confused. He said that I am not the reason for any of this. That I am truly a "jewel" among women. He says he needs me, and wants me, would love to be my friend, but he has to find out for sure. He is still calling me "babe", but it's just not enough for me. <P>I told him that I will start dating again, and that someday I will marry again, as well. He didn't like that, but he thinks he understands.<P>Anyway, just wanted to get this off me chest. I'm ok. Depressed again, but ok. I know that my D and I will be a-ok and that whatever is in store for us will be wonderful.<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Cheryl<BR>I am sorry. It is hard to lose the friend, too. I understand what a scrafice you have made, but it is the best thing for YOU. You are thinking of yourself. I am still learning to love myself again, I've nearly forgotten how!<P>Good Luck

Hey Cheryl,<P>Just wanted you to know that someone else cares about you. <P>Damn, sounded like good news just a short while back. I wouldn't discount it yet. Don't want to provide any false hope. Live for you!<P>You and all here are in my prayers,<P>Tim

Cheryl,<P>I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your daughter. Just remmeber what you said "There will be something great in store for you an D"<P>I will being praying for you. Remember the old saying "If you love someone set them free, If they dont come back it was never meant to be". <P>I think this is best for you and your daughter. I promise there will be a day when he will come crawling and begging you back!!!<P>Prayers! Take care of yourself thourhg this. Do someting good for yourself!<P>Best Wishes<BR>Renee<P>

burnedspouse, <P>Yes, it is hard to lose a friend. I am doin what is best for me and my D. I know that we will be fine.<P>Take care.<P><BR>Hey Medic,<P>Gosh, it's good to hear from you. I'm glad you are still poking your head in from time to time.<P>It's time for me to move on, really move on. I can't put myself or my daughter through <BR>anymore of him uncertainties. Too confusing.<P>How are you? Have you signed those dreaded papers?<P>Take care of yourself, my friend. You are in my prayers as well!<P><BR>inamess, <P>Thank you for the prayers. I always take them.<P>I'm ok today. Just feeling sorry for myself. Feelings a little foolish for letting him back into my life.<P>God will take care of us, He always does. <P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Cheryl, <P>I'm really sorry. I guess we just don't learn do we? Better you find this out now before you get to involved again.<P>I'm filing for divorce next week. I need to start again. I can't live in his confused mixed up world anymore. He and OW#2 and her kids moved into a house a few blocks away. I guess that told me all I needed to know. He said he needed time to figure out what he wanted. Apparently he made his choice.<P>I better get to bed I worked 11pm-7:30 am so I better get some sleep.<P>Jill

Cheryl, there is a thread on the "Emotional Needs" board even as we speak about romance novels being female porn. <P>But the stuff your H is saying is right out of a romance novel...or at the very least, out of a country/western song.<P>I transpose based on your post:<P>"You're too good for me."<BR>"I don't deserve you."<BR>"I need more time."<P>"I will never forget you."<BR>"Maybe our paths will cross again."<BR>"Timing is everything."<BR>"If you truly love me, you need to let me go."<BR>"You are not the reason for any of this."<BR>"You are truly a 'jewel' among women."<BR>"I need you; I want you."<BR>"I'd love to be your friend."<BR>"But I have to find out for sure."<P>Heck, put it all together, and I HAVE just written a country & western song! <P>How many cliches can one man put into one speech? Sheesh.<P>You know what? He's right. You ARE too good for him.

ceecee,<BR>In reading your posts and seeing how you have handled yourself I really believe that you are in fact too good for him. You have given him every oppertunity to hang on to the jewel and he has blown it. You will have many more guys to choose from who will also see what you have to offer when you are ready. Keep your eyes open, keep growing and start having fun with your daughter and on your own....<BR>Keep in touch...<BR>mkn

ceecee<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Be strong first for you and then for D.<P>Love to you <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{ceecee}}}}}}}}}}}]<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Hey Cheryl,<P>Me again, miss me?<P>Just a quick update for ya. I felt a "disturbance in the force" early last month and went to check it out. Sure enough Val's car was at Brian's at 0100 in the morning. <P>I did some thinking on the drive up there and decided that this M was a lesson for us. I learned from my failures and the next M [and there will be another] will be great.<P>Unfortunately I do not believe that Val has learned from this and feel badly that she has taken some personal baggage along with her in the relationship with Brian.<P>I stopped by the office and told her I was dropping the last paper off. We chatted briefly, they were busy. Last thing she said to me was I love you. <P>I hold no ill will towards either of them. I accept responsibilty for my behavior. I wish her well. I love/ed her and still do.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

My prayers are with you. Be strong a friend of mine told me the divorce papers are only a piece of paper. Do whats best for you and your daughter.

You have a lovely present out of an unhappy union. Your wonderful D.<P>I am afraid that your H is 'out of control' and it is like a 'mid life crisis' and sowing wild oats. He feels bad and guilty about these stuff. He doesn't know when he will ever snap out of this uncommitted and irresponsible phase.<P>He knows you are a jewel, and like lots of stupid men, he seems unable to hold on to the treasure in his hands, with his life. He is lost and he knows it and chooses to go 'mapless' at this very immature period of his life.<P>It is about him, not about you.<P>I think you have made the wise decision to move on for your D's and your sake. <P>Be exceptionally astute the next time when another guy comes along. <P>Be kind to yourself, Be Strong and Be Joyful that you have a Sound Mind and a Wonderful Future.<P>God Loves You.<BR>Take Care.

Hi Jill,<P>I'm so sorry that things are such a mess for you. Divorce is hard, but you are strong; you will be fine.<BR>Take care of youself and your children.<BR>Thanks for being there.<P>Dazed,<P>Oh, that is a great song. Ya know, I was so hoping that his words MEANT something this time, I didn't even realize how full of crap they were.<BR>Thanks for showing me that he HASN'T changed, and that right now, he doesn't deserve me.<P>mkn,<P>Thank you, as always, for being there to support and encourage me. I know that I will be fine, no matter what my life has in store for me.<P>Nicole,<P>Good to hear from you! I got your pictures. What a beautiful family you have!<BR>Thanks for the prayers. I will be strong; nothing else will do!<P>Hey again Medic!<P>I'm sorry things turned out this way. Val is confused and crazy right now.<BR>I think that our spouses (or X-spouses) are so lost within themselves, they have no idea what to do.<BR>I'm glad you have no ill-feelings toward her. I have none for my X either. I realize now, that his problems have nothing to do with me; that he is struggling internally, and can't find his way out.<BR>I pray for him everyday; that God will touch his soul. That is all I can do now.<BR>Get your spunky spirit, Tim. You are a wonderful person!<BR>Keep in touch, ok?<P>tigger,<P>Thanks for the prayers. I feel that this divorce is a piece of paper, simply because, I DON"T FEEL DIVORCED. After 13 mths of seperation, more woman than I care to know about, I still love the man I married. He is lost, and I hope and pray one day he will see the light.<P>weep,<P>Thank you for your words. Yes, my X is having a MLC; has been for about 10 yrs now. He is so lost, and now that I realize that, I can help him in prayer.<BR>I know it's not about me. Unfortunately, my D is suffering at the hands of his stupid choices. She too, is a "jewel"!<BR>I am implementing PlanB. It is the only way I can truly move on, and lose this love I have for him.<BR>I pray that God can touch him, but until then, I must move on.<P>Thanks you all for you love and support.<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Ceecee,<BR>I think your decision to go to Plan be is an excellent one. Your conversation with your H kind of reminds me of the one Sheba had with her H where he thought that after the divorce she would still be his wife. Your H has the same glitchy thought--you'll be there, always one of his women, sometimes "the one".<P>I really wish you the best. You've had a tough road. And in giving him another chance you've proved the size & depth of your heart. It is truly his loss.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Ceecee:<P>(sigh) His loss. Really.<P>As soon as you become involved with someone else and have moved on, he will suddenly realize how very valuable you are.<P>Blessings and warmest<P>Catnip =^^=

Dazed: you are right on!!! <P>ceecee,<P>I'm sorry what is going down.. You know most of the stuff your H said, my H did too!<BR>I will add more things.. he said he wants to be with me when he's older(he's 38). The one which really annoys me is: "Maybe our paths will cross again." Yeah right! and he also said he wants more time.. so he spends all of his time with other women and MAYBE after all of this he will realize the one he really needs is you? I'm sorry, but these words really make me mad! He might have been confused but he's right about saying you are too good for him. that's for sure. I know you love your H and I do mine but you made a right decisoin to let him go. He really needs to hit rock bottom to realize what he did and what he's doing, maybe he never will then it's his loss.<P>Take care, I know you and your kid will be ok one day with or without him. Right now you are going through the hardest time. Be strong!<P>Hugs,<BR>Meg

Sheesh, I must be incredibly emotional right now. I read these posts and burst into tears. Damn, I hate that!!!<P>Lor,<P>You are so sweet. Thank you for checking in on me. <BR>I am beginning to think more and more, that my X is a relationship addict. He needs that high to sustain himself. <BR>You're right about him thinking I will always be there. I always have been. Plan A for me only helped enable his bad behavior.<BR>I hope I can do Plan B this time. Failed miseralby every time before.<BR>I'm so happy for you and your family. You too, have been through the wringer. God's blessings to you.<P>Catnip,<P>I've missed you! Thank you for your kind thoughts.<BR>I do know in my heart that he WILL one day realize what he had with me and our D. He is just so damn selfish!<BR>I'll be fine. My life is a blessing. It's only going to get better.<P>MF,<P>I'm sorry that your H did the same thing to you. I'm sorry I don't know your story. I will look it up.<BR>You are also right that he need to hit rock bottom before his life will improve. Kinda scary how bottom some people need to get, isn't it.<BR>Thanks for your thoughts.<P>Well, I'm off to write my Plan B letter, I think. Kinda seems pointly as this time, since the divorce is final, but I'll get it a shot.<P>God bless,<BR>Cheryl