Hey All,<P>After alot of soulsearching I have decided to file for divorce next week. My kids are a mess and I just can't keep putting them through this. As much as I want my H I don't see that he will change anytime soon and the kids can't keep going through this. I can't either for that mattter. I have lost all respect for him as a H and a person. I feel that if I can't respect him their is no longer any foundation left to keep trying. So now its up to me to pick up the pieces and make sure my kids are happy ect. <P>Jill

Jill,<BR> I am so sorry to hear that you have to go for a divorce. You are doing it for the right reasons though, you and your children have the right to live your lives without all the drama you have been going through. Take care of yourself, and take some time to try and put your lives back together. Let your H worry about himself. Maybe someday he will understand just how much he has lost.<BR>Good Luck!

I'm sorry for you crazy. But you are right about taking care of you and the kids. That's why I was going to move closer to family. My kids are also a mess. The two oldest are in counseling.<P>I won't even bore you with the details of how my H treated them during the very, very , very deep, deep, deep fog.<P>Now with the new revelation he is coming full force to see them and is obviously SEEING and HEARING them for the first time in about 8 months. I know he is in deep pain with all of this. If our children can help him heal I am glad.<P>But it is sooooooooooooo hard on the children. When adults can't even understand all of this, how can you explain it to kids.<P>My H's conscience was turned off. Kind of like a wall. It seems to be turning on now. He seems to see the hurt that's happened. Don't know how long it will last, but he and she now have a pretty obvious thorn in their paw!!!<P>How old are your children????

Dear C.O.W.,<P>I am sorry to hear that you have been having a really tough time lately.<P>If you need to separate for the sake of the kids, I think it is a valid reason. Sometimes, it is not possible for us to juggle with knives because it will sooner than later cause real injury. Even the experts cannot do that for long.<P>I really pray my dear for you that you have the necesary support like family and friends to see you through a tough time.<P>Please be kind to yourself and be strong for your lovely children.<P>God Loves You.<BR>Take care.

Thank you all for your replys. It makes me feel better that others agree with my decision. It's not been one I have made lightly. In fact its going to take all I am to really go through with this. My mind says its the right thing to do. H I feel will just keep cont this pattern and its not good for any of us. My heart on the other hand is almost pleading with me to give him yet another chance. As I write this H is with his OW and her kids in their home. I guess maybe that is what keeps me leaning towards divorce. I mean this is the second woman and her kids he has put before his own wife and kids in less than a year. There is only so much abuse one can take.<P>Indecision seems to be the topic of the day in my head lately. <P>Jill<P>my kids are 16,15 and 13<p>[This message has been edited by crazy or what? (edited September 04, 2000).]