It's becoming a crowded boat!!!<BR>After 8 months of thinking the H had not seen the OW, I now have proof that he starting seeing her again in July. I confronted the OW and him. The OW told the truth and my H lied. I have proof from the telephone recorder I purchased. Lots of sex talk and she really, really plays up to him. What he can't see through this I don't know. He insists that he hasn't been seeing her and of course, I can't tell him about the phone recorder. It's too low down dirty and sneaky. But at least now I know.<BR>Like Sir Hurts A Lot, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I lovebusted big time, but don't really care. My H also went to all kinds of lengths this time to hide it from me. He says he loves me and that she is just a F----. He said that the joke was on her....what a crock. Anyway, I have never felt worse. This is worse than the first time around. I have made an appointment with a counselor. Some medication may be in order, can't sleep or eat. I am feeling lower than low.

Stella,<BR>I am so sorry that for what you are going through. That on again, off again cycle is torturous and tormenting and I wish none of us had to go through that. Darn those fence sitters!<P>I think going to counseling is a great idea, I went to one as soon as I discovered A. I don't know if it makes a difference, but I found about it almost from the beginning and have been in counseling ever since (4 months now). Some here think that exposing the A to the light of day, makes for a speedier end to the A. I'm hoping for that! <P>H has recently joined me in counseling, but he is still seeing OW, and he still lives in his own apartment. I don't know your story, but have you and H discussed counseling? <P>Don't know how it is going to turn out, but I am hoping it will turn out for the best. If our relationship becomes stronger and better than it ever was than this will be worth it. We have to think positively about this, and view it as an opportunity to become conscious of what hasn't been working and make permanent changes.<P>Best to you, MT<P>

Hi Stella<P>I am all for Marriage Building but I am also in the belief the more tools for the job the better. Get Dr James Dobsons book LOVE MUST BE TOUGH and read it. <P>Your husband saying that she is being used for sex is disrespectful to you and if you accept that as far as Dobson is concerned you have already given your marriage the kiss of death. Being nice to your husband is one thing being a doormat is another. (Not my opinion, only what Dobson said). Your reaction to the situation of another discovery of infidelity by your husband is crucial in what will happen between you and him in the future. If you allow it to continue, you are putting your marriage at greater risk than he is with his infidelity. <P>Look at it this way, if he has her he should not be allowed to have you. You will inevitably lose him anyway, because what starts off as sex with another woman could become more and more and more until he has replaced you with her. Get the book, take a stand and see the tables turn. I know it will be hard but so is divorce and that is where it heads if you do not fight fire with fire now.<P>Think about it another way, how would he feel if you said to him, I am only going with so and so for sex. Whooo Hooo what would he think, my bet is you would not see him for smoke.<P>FET

Stella,<BR>Yes, definitely get yourself a good marriage counselor. I started seeing mine by myself 4/99, Guard joined me sometimes. He saw the counselor alone for a couple months & now we go together.<P>The resumption of the affair is awful to us, but the other thing, just to keep in mind is that the OP doesn't like being hurt either. Our spouse dropped them, now has picked them back up...they don't feel secure...they aren't secure. Of course, neither are we. The OW in my case brought full divorce barrels against my H. He didn't do it--nor had he ever. She started dating his housemate. Nice, huh? Unfortunately, that wasn't enought to detract from her *draw*. But it didn't do much for the *soulmate* scenario.<P>The OP are merely people. Not quite right people.<P>If you can take a deep breath and wait it out with Plan A or Plan B, you aren't just saving yourself, the marriage may not be gone.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Hi Stella, <P>I certainly didn't want to share this boat with anyone. What a horrible mess this all is. I certainly know how you feel. It does hurt - A LOT!<P>I simply can't imagine a man saying the things your husband has said to you. I am so sorry. <P>Stella, I'm not sure how this will all turn out for either of us. I did say I can't take this anymore, but what I should have said is that I can't take this anymore by myself. It is only when we can no longer do it alone that God performs His most mighty work in us. It is by His strength that I get through each day. Stella, I hope you will lean on Him too. He is there to pick us up when we are weak, comfort us when are beaten down, and lead us in the right direction when we are lost. <P>I am all for the meds if you need them. Don't be affraid to try different ones if you don't think they are helping or you get adverse side effects. Counseling is another good thing. I also suggest you keep posting here and find a close friend on the board that you can email with too. One thing that most counselors don't have is direct experience with this. We do, so let us help. <P>Stella, as corny as it sounds - you hang in there. Keep fighting the good fight. Don't ever tire from doing what you know is right. If you can strenghten your spirit through this battle, perhaps you will be strong enough to help your husband through it if he decides to stay. <P>God bless, <P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.