Hello Everyone,<P>I have not officially gone into Plan B, but I guess maybe that is what I'm doing by not allowing ANY contact from my H.<P>Through reliable sources I know he is still with OW and they do alot of things together (i.e., out to dinner ALOT, go to movies, just kick around town, they are in an exclusive relationship) altho I know my H isn't living with OW but they have lots of sleep overs.<P>My H has tried to contact me up til approx eleven days ago. I'm not responding.<P>So, I know the SAA and MB tells us to write a Plan B letter BUT ... my H got lots of letters from OWs in the past years. He barely read them and could care less what the letters had to say. That's how he is, unfeeling.<P>If I write one to him I KNOW he will probably skim over it and toss it, if he even opens it at all. Plus why the h*ll should I, like all his other women, pour my heart out again and bare my soul in a letter that he will deem meaningless to him? Why? I just don't see the point.<P>I'm really hurting today. Feel like giving up and filing for D. I just don't see any hope. He has moved on and has a brand NEW family, I'm yesterday's garbage.<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited September 08, 2000).]

Jo, the idea of the Plan B letter is so the wayward spouse knows EXACTLY what you are doing and why. Since you are not allowing any contact now, he figures you are (rightfully so) pissed off at him.<P>The letter will explain that you are hurt and cannot deal with him anymore while he is having an affair. It helps you to "just get over it" to use a phrase from "them" (the betrayers). Lets you get a clear head about it all and make rational, not emotional decisions.<P>If he doesn't read them, then that's his problem. At least you let him have the info. It's not a heart pouring out or soul bearing letter as such. "Just the facts ma'am."<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

{{{{{Jo}}}}}..... Why a Plan B Letter???...<P>All through life we go through sign posts along the way...<P>A <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter is your chance to set that sign post...<P>...maybe your H will miss it...<BR>...he might... <P>But you set that post! <P>Your signature says "Remain flexible like a reed..."<BR>A <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter is letting you <B>be a reed</B>.<P>It marks a sign in your road of life that shows you're ready... in your life... for one of two paths to take...<BR>1. a chance at recovery of your marriage<BR>2. a chance to "in a healthy way" move on<P>Both you're willing to accept...<BR>Both you've thought through...<BR>Both give you flexibility... because they both represent growth...<P>If your H questions you about anything in the future...<BR>...refer him back to <B>that Plan B letter</B>...<BR>...so even if he doesn't read it the first time...<BR>...he may later on...<BR>...your sign post won't be a waste.<P>That's why you write a Plan B letter.<P>You may not be there yet...<BR>Draft a letter... think it through...<BR>...ask for comments ...suggestions<BR>...make sure you're willing to go through with the implementation of Plan B.<P>If you want to think about... Plan B and the long range implications... check out...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/004267.html" TARGET=_blank>When does Plan B end?... (long)</A><P> <P>Jim

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JO}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Sorry you are feeling so down.<P>I agree with the replies. A plan B letter is not to pour your heart out, but to set the boundaries. You are taking control and setting out the terms.<P>He will know you are following your own course of action, not playing games.<P>I think these formalities are important. I fortunately never had to go to Plan B, but I posted our no contact letter to Peppermint.<P>Hope you are feeling a little better.

Hi Jo,<P>I am a writer, and my H is a conflict avoider so he didn't read much of the many heart filled letters I wrote. He probably saw my Plan B letter and if he read it at all, thought "Yeah, yeah, same old story." But the letter is as much for your and your (possible) closure as it is a chance for him to understand and make a new choice.<P>I have to agree also that I think formalities are important. When you're dealing with something SO emotionally loaded, you have to feel you've done everything you can in order to let go if it comes to that. The letter is a part of that.