Has anyone worked out a policy on having friends of the opposite sex?<P>My H had an PA-only affair some months back, and we are in recovery and doing nicely. In the process I have learned a LOT about how affairs begin and how easy it is to fall in love with someone who meets your needs. How can I make sure this doesn't happen *to me?*<P>I have a male friend at work - "CS" - who has come through for me in some tough spots. To be more accurate, CS has been like my guardian angel during my H's PA and the aftermath. We were casual friends before - went to the same church, worked in the same department, etc., but we'd also locked horns (so to speak) on a few issues so there was no real closeness.<P>However, when CS found out about my H's PA he totally went out on a limb for me. First, he confronted my H in a sincere, non-confrontational way and urged him to do the right thing. (All of us, the OW, my H, CS & I, all work at the same place.)<P>Then he singled out all the gossip-mongers in our department and warned them not to discuss the situation anymore. (Which meant a lot to me, as I was humiliated by all the gossip that had been going around behind my back.)<P>He even privately confronted The Tramp, and let her know what she did was out of line.<P>When he heard that I miscarried last month, he was very kind and considerate, took me out for coffee and listened to me express my sorrow.<P>Only this morning I have found out that he actually went to the top brass and requested that the OW be terminated - citing poor job performance (which is true) and her inability to get along with anyone in the department. However, I know that he did it so that I would not have to work side-by-side with her any longer.<P>When he told me about this, I thought I was going to cry for gratitude. It will take a couple of months for us to find a replacement for the OW and for her termination to be complete, so I'm not jumping for joy yet. <P>But the gratitude and admiration I have for CS is great - and this has caused little warning bells to go off in my head. Where is a safe place to draw the line with friends of the opposite sex? I am very much in love with my H and committed to our marriage. How can I manage the friendship with CS in such a way that I do not get an emotional attachment to him? Does anyone have any thoughts on where those boundaries should be placed?

WIFE;<P>This was discussed over in EN a while back (I can't remember who started the thread---maybe SheRa).<P>Harley's guidelines (which I like) are that you never discuss marital problems with anyone of the opposite sex. You never have any exclusive (of the other spouse) opposite sex friendships. You never have any friendships that take away from quality time with your spouse. And the minute you feel any *romantic* feelings for someone else, you run in the opposite direction AND tell your spouse.

Let your friend know how much you appreciate his kindness, but also keep talking about how much you love your husband and that you want things to work out with him. I guess this is a subtle way for you to inform him that nothing more is to come out of your friendship. <P>I'm sure it could be easy to fall for someone who is giving you the attention you wish your husband could give you at this time. At the moment you friend is filling some of your ENs, but be clear as to what you are doing at all times. Your love for your husband will help to keep things clear. But, if you think you are developing feelings that shouldn't be there, STEP BACK. Don't get caught up in a web.<P>Good luck, MT