I know a lot of you have read the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/000273.html" TARGET=_blank>letter I want to give my husband before going to Plan B</A>. I have appreciated the comments and advice I have received with regard to that letter.<P>Taking all of that into account, and considering where things are going in my life right now, I have decided that today is a good day to give him that letter. Today is our 11th wedding anniversary. It is a date that he remembers - even though he doesn't ever remember when my birthday is, when his sister's birthdays are ... he remembers when we got married.<P>I will put it in a card that I am picking out today, and I am going to leave it for him at work... It is something I NEED to do for my own peace of mind before I go even one step further.<P>I am feeling ok today about most everything - which is way better than last weekend. Life, my job, my marriage/divorce - all of that added up to perhaps the very worst weekend I've spent in a very long time. My only solace and support was here with you all ... and I thank you so very much for being there for me and with me.<P>Monday I start a new job in a different office in the college where I have worked for nearly 10 years. It is a job that should have been given to me a year ago, and I have been met with some disguised hostility because of it. Assuming this new job is probably even more stressful than if I had left the college and gone to another company. It is something I had to fight for, yet, I would give it up tomorrow if my husband would say "let's get out of this town and try again." Sad ... <P>Happy anniversary to me and my husband... I wish there could be a hundred more of them...<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Terri,<BR>Your post sounds so sad,just wanted to give you a hug over the computer.Love and prayers,bethn

{{{{{{{{{{terri}}}}}}}}}}...<P>I feel for you...<BR>...I really do.<P>I know that my comments to you and your letter are not in line with all your desires...<BR>...but none the less... I wish you much much success.<P>I've followed your story...<BR>...I know it is similar to mine.<P>I care for you today...<BR>...and everyday.<P>Peace in your heart today... friend. <P>Jim<BR>

Hugs, Terri. Sorry to be a day late.

When my husband was on the fence deciding "who's it gonna be?", I went through twenty years of photos and chose the most meaningful, special photos I could find from each year, went to Kinko's to have them color copied, then compiled an 'album' for him and presented it to him saying that I wanted him to have a piece of us to take with him to remember when it was just 'us'.<P>He looked at the album while I sat in the guestroom reading. An hour later, he came into the room and said with his voice cracking, "You're tearing my heart out." and began to cry. This is from a man who never cried once in 20 years.<P>I told him it wasn't my intent, that I just wanted to make sure he didn't forget me and all those special moments.<P>Well, that was a year ago. We still have a lot of problems, but one problem we no longer have is where we stand with each other. He has fallen in love with me all over again, kind of honeymoon squared, and it is wonderful. Our recovery is going well on an intimate, rediscovering level...the other outside problems are just that...outside problems.<P>Truthfully, if I am honest about my motives when I compiled that album, it was on some level a way to shake him up. I knew what buttons I needed to push to slap him back into reality...and it was one of two things I did to bring him home, both physically and emotionally. <BR>The other thing was a letter, just like you did. I posted it here over a year ago called My Once in a Lifetime. It had a similar profound impact on him.<P>Sometimes they just need to have their eyes opened, they just need to remember....<P>Wishing you amazing changes, Terri.<P>Catnip =^^=

Terri,<P>Hi, sorry also a day late, but I, too, wish you a very Happy Anniversary. How did the card and letter delivery go yesterday? Heard anything from him?<P>Today (the 10th) is our 6th anniversary. I haven't heard a word from him all day and kind of doubt that I will.<P>Catnip, your story was so inspiring because as part of my gift that I put together for my H are pictures, some of the kids, some of past fun times we had, some of him, some of his family, some of my family, some of he & I together. I don't know how he'll respond, but your story gives me some hope that he will react similar to your H. I know I can't get up too much hope, though. Otherwise, I'll just be crushed -- again!<P>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn<P>

Terri,<BR>First of all....<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{TERRI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}!!!!!!!!<P>I know how hard this is for you and I wish that somehow I could help take some of the hurt and lonliness that you feel away.<P>I know what a difficult step this is for you especially on this day that obviously means the world to you.<P>I don't want to get your hopes up but believe me when I say that the fat lady hasn't sung her final number yet.<P>I posted to you about my situation on your topic about coming back from divorce. I know I get long winded but I really had gotten to the point where I didn't think that we would ever get back together but....<BR>we did.<P>I hope the same for you, really I do. But most of all, I wish you happiness, love and peace!!!!<P>Genie

Thank you all ... I am far better than I expected - although that is partially because of all the other stuff going on. Today, I bought myself a couple of things I needed for the computer... well, maybe I didn't NEED all of them, but I did need a little treat... <P>I actually did not get to give him the letter as yet. I did call him at work last night just before closing and chatted a bit. Told him my blood pressure was a little better... He seemed to want to stay on the phone with me - stretched the phone cord across to the cash register so that he could count the register and still talk to me. At the end of the conversation, I told him "happy anniversary..." and he said, truly puzzled, "of what?" I patiently told him "You know ...today is our 11th wedding anniversary." He said, "What's the date today?" I told him "It's Saturday, September 9th." He said "ooh... I forgot all about it." I was okay with it - because he genuinely forgot, it wasn't because he was trying to pretend he forgot... does that make any sense?<P>Anyway... I didn't get over there yesterday and I was planning to stop by there today and drop off the letter, but I went in to the office to finish up some things, to get my stuff together and to clean up a little bit. I got there around 12pm and didn't leave until after 10pm... I did try to call him at work around 8:45pm, but there was no answer. I tried several more times with the same result - odd, the pizza place doesn't close until 9pm. So I didn't go there tonight, either.<P>I am thinking I will mail it tomorrow to the pizzeria... Which is what I was going to do to begin with. And maybe I will enclose a couple of pics a la catnip. <P>Life is keeping me occupied, that's for sure. Although Saturday I was NOT occupied much at all... bad day to be alone, huh?<P>Thanks again everyone!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>