We all know the ways in which our stories are the same - I wonder if the ways we think they are different really are so different...<P>I am going to list the ways in which I feel that my situation is different than most I have seen here. I'd appreciate seeing the ways in which others feel THEIR situations are different from most.<P>1) My husband has NEVER been in any way angry or hostile about our marriage or me. He has never said he never loved me, never said he hates or hated me. <P>2) He has never wavered from his opinion that we can never fix this - not once with the exception of a very brief moment in the VERY beginning of this.<P>3) He has never told me that he loves the slug - has never told anyone, as far as I know, that he loves her.<P>4) We have no children (I know that some out there are also in this situation, but most of you all do have a family).<P>I wonder how many people out there have this particular combination of "characteristics" in their situations. Write and tell me! <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I><P><p>[This message has been edited by terri (edited September 09, 2000).]

Hi Terri,<P>Here's my differences:<P>1. My H never said he didn't love me. He never said he wasn't "In Love" with me either. He has told me he loves me throughput this whole mess. My H WAS VERY mean to me, I was very ill and he was blaming and hateful and downright mean. He didn't care about how that affected me physically [Major Stress].<P>2. My H has said many times that he doesn't know if there is hope for us. Said something broke in him. <P>3. My H has said he "probably" loves the Abusive Banshee. Then he took it back. He's gone back and forth with it since the beginning.<P>4. My H and I also have no kids. He and OW do tho. But he has another OC with OW #1 too. <P>So there's my stuff for comparison. I think everyone's situation i a bit different, but I know the symptoms are uncannily the same.<P>Best,<BR>Jo

Hi Terri,<BR>Hope you are doing ok...(because I'm not...)<BR>Anyway answering your questions:<P>1. My H never told me he hated me nor he didn't love me.<P>2. He says he has a hope. I wonder hope for what. I feel he is trying to convince himself by saying it. And it seems to me that he has a hope for OW.. not a relationship bet. me and him.<P>3. He never told me he loved OW either.. He used to tell me he loved me and he "liked" OW(well, but he decided to be with person he likes).. Then it changed later to "love".<BR>He also said "you are very beautiful, and OW is "cute". Then later it changed to: "OW is a beautiful lady", and he made an excuse saying, "when I think of you you are beautiful, but when I think of OW I have to think for a while"---Yeah right!<BR>The way of saying changed about 4-5 months later... Obviously he saw her alot during this period.<P>4. We don't have kids either. But I know OW really wants to have kids, and after her telling H he started to think about it(before he never wanted)...<P>Hope this helps.....<P>Meg

Sorry for crashing this thread ...<P>Meg!<P>How come you say you're not doing so good? Tell me what's going on. Have you been in contact w/H?<P>I haven't, just doing my own thing ... waiting and waiting and hoping and hoping.<P>Jo

1. H was loving to me before, during, and after, which makes it difficult to understand how he could be so mean (having A) and loving at same time.<BR>2. HE was the one who pushed for us to stay together. I didn't think so at first.<BR>3. He admitted they said "I love you", but it turned out to be just lust. <BR>4. Our difference - we didn't have children together, we had his and mine. That threw a kink in the recovery process. My two are still very angry with him. Haven't seen any step-situations here.

<P>[This message has been edited by JR61 (edited September 09, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by JR61 (edited September 09, 2000).]

Hmmm, different:<P>1) moved out & in 7 times.<P>2) didn't ever want me to know about the OW. Or later contact with OW.<P>3) after the 2nd reconciliation through to the 6th, he said he loved me, wanted the marriage...but couldn't commit to me (huh?)<P>4) we are both WS & BS.

1. My husband is an angry guy and has said many mean and hateful things<P>2. My husband also said we could never fix this, but then he decided we could and now we are fixing this<P>3. My husband told me he did NOT love OW, although he admits to telling her he did love her. He says he realizes he never loved her, he was just temporarily insane and delusional<P>4. We never had any children together<P>Catnip =^^=