I've never posted here before....<BR>My husband (from whom I've been separated from for two months) has told me that he is planning a trip to SC for a conference. He recently (three weeks ago) also revealed that he had an EN with a young girl at work. He claims that he doesn't want her in his life now, that he wants a "woman" and wants to go to counseling for our marriage. He realizes that she filled a void in his life that I didn't fill, etc. etc. Coincidentally, she recently went off to college to one of the Carolinas He claims that her leaving gave him "perspective." <P>I also found out that the conference he is going to is really in NC (I think) though I am not sure because he is evasive about the exact location. I had to research some stuff on the web to find out it was at a college there. I am not sure of the one she is attending--again, evasiveness.<P>He now tells me that he MAY visit his father down south for his vacation instead of going. He still hasn't made up his mind. I suspect that he was planning-or had previously planned-to go to SC or NC to see her or at her request. I asked him and he said "I can't believe you're asking me that." How can I confront him? Asking about her is an LB for him; but I need to know the truth. Is it possible that he made plans to go before he made this renewed "committment" to me and now feels guilty (hence, the changing of plans). If so, should I say anything? I don't want to push him up there because I am a nag, but I think he is being unfair. I'm trying to be supportive of this trip because it would bolster his career. But I don't want to be a fool and I believe that him seeing her would be deterimental to our progress. HELP!!

He is your husband. You should expect nothing less than the exact location, flight details and phone numbers. Especially if you have children. Anything less than that should ring some warning bells for you. <P>cleo

He claims that because we are separated that he can do as he pleases. (Yikes! That sounds ridiculous when it's written down--can he see that?)

Is it possible for you to go with him? If you can work it out at all...do it. Trust your instincts, it may be only an EA, but it can quickly change if conditions are right.<P>It sounds as they might be right...<P> <P>I hope you are wrong...<P>B

I think that you are right to be suspicious. As I see on here alot, when you reach the point of being suspicious, there is usually a reason. Also, somewhere on the website I read that alot of separations are because the leaver already has someone, or has someone waiting in the wings. I'm not likening this to you, but I found it interesting, because in my situation, I figured that had nothing to do with it, but now I'm quite sure it did. <P>My posting won't help you much, because I see in yours the same sorts of things I'm subjected to. Every plan is wishy washy, maybe this, maybe that, things get cancelled but other things pop up. Very evasive. My wife still is at home, but has been planning on leaving for a few months, and has a place that she gets in a month and a half. She says the same thing....that she owes me no explanation of what she does or with who, and when. However, given that I look after the kids every night, and she spends money on friends buying dinners, I think I have a right.<P>You seem to be in a close position to me. I can't ask about the OM, because she gives me the "I can't believe you think that" or "You obviously don't know me then". She'll get freaked out and usually leave the house very irritated. It is a no win, because even having proof of lies results in an excuse.<P>I'm trying to remain calm, do Plan A, and hope that my wife's situation is really the "fog" that you read about on this site. Who knows. Maybe it is very calculated. I like the idea of saying you'll go with him. See if the plan changes somehow, or what kind of response you get. I hope that it works out for you. Take care.

tell him your seperated, not divorced. You are still accountable and if he is not doing anything wrong there should be no problem with letting you know the plan.