I personally want to thank you for sharing your ordeal with all of us here at MB. An affair is difficult enough with it's roller coaster activities, but I admire the courage you both have displayed, especially in your recent posts. <P>I am learning a lot from your experiences and pray for all of us here that the resolution we want is near and that healing and forgiveness is abundant.<P>I believe that you are both on your way to true recovery and pray that you have that. I see so much hope in your situation, sometimes it is good to hear from those who see your situation from afar. When you're as up close to it as you are, all you are able to see/feel are raw emotions, and sometimes it may be difficult to think clearly in those instances. <P>Many blessings to you both, MT<BR>

Many Tears,<P>Thank you for your kind words and good wishes. You'll be hearing much more from us, probably more than is necessary because of our belief that this site can really help us.<P>We were here jointly for many months after the first dday, then separately for a while longer. Eventually, firestorm stopped coming to this forum. That's when the affair flared up again. I believe he left this site because of the guilt he felt.<P>I also know he came back and began posting here under another name shortly before this latest contact was discovered. In those posts he asked for help and advice regarding our situation and how to truly end the affair. <P>Perhaps it sounds implausible, but the first night after rediscovery was the first time in many weeks that he had a restful night's sleep. I know that, because I spent most of the night just looking at him and wondering how he could possibly sleep. The next day I saw him truly smile when he looked at me, again for the first time in a long time.<P>There is no doubt in my mind he wanted to escape from the affair. I can only hope and pray that he does this time.<P>Thanks for your support and concern. I'll return the favor someday.<P>Peppermint

Peppermint,<P>I already said it on another thread, but I feel for you dear lady. But you sound strong.<P>You said on another thread it is up to him now. That is so true, even if he had not been twice guilty. We do 90% of the changing, meeting needs, but we reach a point that it is now up to him.<P>We are ten months since d-day. I believe my h is being honest. I especially know he would not go back to the OW after that letter I posted. There was such finality and it must have killed her that I read all her emails. She was 21 and it was I love you, your smell, etc. All the crap.<P>But I do not let my guard down. At the same time it is impossible to account for his time 100%.<P>I trust my instincts and check anything that seems out of place. For instance, h never misses a plane even though he cuts it to the last minute. A few hours ago I learn he missed his plane and had to take one with a connection instead. We were supposed to go with him, but the plans changed yesterday. I called back and could tell by the background noise he was in an airport and will check at his hotel (though he won't arrive till 2 am my time). Still I can't track his every move.<P>Last time he missed a plane, it was on purpose to spend more time with OW.<P>And I know what you mean about him sleeping soundly. My h sat me down one night after talking to Jennifer Harley. He confessed to a PA he was in that had lasted 4 months. They went all the way on their first date and took it from there. When I asked if this was the first time he had an A, he said no, he had another one for 6 months with a woman from work that I knew. It had ended in Feb '99, the second one started in Aug '99.<P>After leaving me reeling, he slept like a baby. I could not sleep at all. I guess he was so relieved to get it off his chest. I couldn't understand how he didn't feel compelled to confess the first time he slept with another woman (in Sept '98). For another year, he went on and into another A. <P>Yet I truly believe he has been honest since (may eat my words one day). One time she attempted to contact him on ICQ and he told me the same day.<P>I guess different people have different ways of working it out inside their heads.<P>Was he doing a pretty good job of meeting your needs before you said you withdrew?<P>It is true we get stronger and begin to feel hardened if they don't change.<P>I'll be here for you if you need to talk.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Cindy