Wow-<P>I just have been so sad lately, but with the huge drama between firestorm and peppermint(Congrats guys ) I felt that my paltry problems did not amount to much.<P>But each day i get more and more disconnected from you at MB, and I thought that i wouldn't do it.<P>So here is the update. H is waffling big time. We have made no progress what so ever, except that I told him I had had enough of sleeping in the back room and I was moving back into our room. I said if he din't like it, he could sleep elsewhere. He was fine, we had talked about it so many times, but he couldn't really answer me. Basically his decision making gray-cells are on strike. He cannot even decide on what vegee to cook for dinner!<P>He also cannot decide about us. He failed totally in the no contact thing. He told her he wouldn't call but allowed her to, it did not last long, he was calling her again very soon, too. I can now tell. He doesn't talk to me again and is not meeting my eyes much either. He is as involved as before. It hurts so much to know that he has no interest in me. I ask what they talk about, he says nothing...I ask you, what message does that send to me? <P>He is in the Fog, he is still running away from reality. He goes through the motions of every day life, but it is on automatic. He is drinking twice as much as before, he simply does not want to make ANY decisions. <P>I wish he would talk to me. I can't stand to know that now he is doing this thing out in the open to me. He knows I know, yet he can't move on. I need to know what he is feeling, or going through, but he says nothing. Every nite, it is drink and TV until he falls asleep--pretty much like the A-time, before I knew. <P>I am making a lot of changes in me, and I am becoming inwardly critical of his apathy. I see it as a big weakness, and I don't like it. I have carried him long enough, how can I jump start his sense of self? His need to care of things? <P>I know I should be greatful, and I am, that this is not #2 DDay, like some of you out there. And it breaks my heart to hear these threads. At the same time it scares me to death of the future. I am feeling rather lost too....<P>Thanks for letting me have my say <P>

I feel for you, Burned Spouse, as I am almost in a similar situation. Although H shares a little bit about what he is feeling, I wish he would do more. H is sitting on the fence, too. It is frustrating, for everyone all around. I'm sure he's not a happy camper knowing that his indecision is hurting so many. I guess if he could make a decision he would make one. I guess they are afraid that they might make the wrong one.<P>H is not dealing with reality either. I too, would like to know how to help them get out of the fog. But, I am realizing that there's nothing we can do, it's something they must do themselves. We can only work on ourselves and hope they see what their lives will be like without us in it, and pray that they will realize that they don't want to be without us.<P>H and I had dinner the other night. We hadn't done anything together in a long time, so I made a few suggestions. He didn't commit to any of them, but he made a comment that hurt me. He said, "Gee, you've got my whole weekend planned." I wondered does he say that to the OW when she makes plans with him?<P>I feel myself disconnecting so that I won't be hurt by these remarks. I am becoming sensitive about everything. We used to joke around a lot, but now it's seems we have to really work at being comfortable with each other.<P>I'm lost, too; you're not alone.

Burned:<P>Hang in there! It sounds like you're doing a very good job by yourself, and, for what it's worth, I don't think you should just be happy there's no D-day #2--your situation is plenty hard and you need all the support you can get to deal with it!! Please don't hold back from sharing just because you feel your problems pale in comparison. Your situation is important--you are important!--and that's what counts!<P>Boy, do I know how frustrating it is to have to deal with a spouse who isn't taking care of his side of the marriage! It is really frustrating. Just like Many Tears, I find myself disconnecting from my H.<P>Does anyone have a success story they could share?<P>As far as your nights go, are there any activities you and he used to do when you were dating that you might be able to do again? Going to the movies, or catching a local band, or even going out to dinner? Just something to break the cycle. Maybe just using the good china could help. I know that it perks me up to use the nice things.<P>Good luck and hang in there. --HBC

Thank you, I really need to hear that daily. I am not alone and someone does know what I am going through and someone understands me when even my H doesn't! I asked him about the first PA exp; how it happened. he got really beligerant, like I was butting into his personal business. I was trying to get to his feelings there, not that anger. He must have some anger for me he is still repressing.<P>It was very depressing. But I got the facts, even they were practically spit at me in a hiss. Jerk! With him calling her every day, he has no interest in having any other friends, especially me. <P>Darn his fickle heart!!!!!!!