Res<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 26, 2000).]

Jo,<P>That was a very nice letter. It was also very wonderful of you to let him down now before he got to serious with you. Who knows maybe he will still be around when you are ready for another relationship. <P>Just promise me that you won't dwell on the fact that you did anything wrong. We are all human and we need companionship. Marriage is more than just that piece of paper. I was to the lawyer today and was pretty shocked to know that I will be divorced in about 6 weeks if all goes well. In my heart I will still be married but as far as the law goes I will be free. So to me when you are ready to move ahead and put your marriage behind you that little piece of paper really doesn't mean to much. The end of your marriage is more than just a judge signing his name to a piece of paper.<P>Jill

Jo...<P>I'm so gald you are writing this letter...<BR>I can understand the mixed emotions you're going through... and the thoughts of "what may have been"...<P>About your letter...<BR>If you've read any of my Plan B letter reviews... you know I can be <I>overly</I> critical... please don't take that as an attack of you...<P>Ok... with that said...<BR>...all I would advise is to <B>tone down</B> the "good" feelings...<P>e.g.<BR>"I've really enjoyed meeting and getting to know you, and feel so flattered you contacted me"...<BR>"I have nothing but good feelings when you & I are in contact"...<BR>"To hear from someone as special and caring as you"...<BR>"that there could possibly be a meaningful relationship"...<BR>"I only get good feelings when we're in touch"...<BR>"someone who is such a "gentle man" as yourself"...<BR>"I feel our friendship just isn't appropriate at this time. <B>It just feels too good</B>"...<BR>"I know I will(think good thoughts when you think of me) of you."...<P>...and...<P>"<B>probably</B> not contact one another anymore"...<P>All of the above are telling this OM...<BR>...stay in wings ...my marriage might not work out...<BR>...let me boost your ego ...it makes me feel good too...<BR>...I've only known good times with you ...lets have some more.<P>Men, just as much a women(and maybe even more so than women), like to have their ego's stroked...<BR>...your "no contact" letter is doing that stroking to an incredible degree.<P>I'd suggest you go back to the SSA book and follow the "simplicity" of the "no contact" letter on pages 58-59!<P>I hope you didn't find this harsh...<BR>...but it was meant in complete care. <P>Jim

Everything you are feeling is very normal right now. Of course you feel conflicted and not sure what is real. When your whole world comes crumbling down, you question everything!<P>I think the letter is wonderful and your resolve to see things through with your H before starting anything new is even more wonderful. I am sure it's tough to make a decision between feeling good and feeling alone and sad, but the temporary sacrifice will be worth it in the end.<P>If things don't work out with the H, you can have a clear conscience and not drag any baggage into a new relationship. You're doing the best thing for everyone.

Good idea, but Jim is right.<P>Take out all the "mushy" stuff.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I've really enjoyed meeting and getting to know you, and feel so flattered you contacted me<P>I have nothing but good feelings when you & I are in contact,<P>To hear from someone as special and caring as you<P>I can tell from the little contact we've had that there could possibly be a meaningful relationship, whether good friends or other.... like I said, I only get good feelings when we're in touch and that frightens and confuses me. I think I could be easily carried away with someone who is such a "gentle man" as yourself. It means alot to me<P>I feel our friendship just isn't appropriate at this time. It just feels too good. I can only hope you'll understand and think good thoughts when you think of me. I know I will of you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Almost sounds like a love letter.<P>Do not tell him he meant so much to you.<BR>Simply tell him you are workng on your marriage & you feel your relationship with him is inapropriate. DO NOT tell him your "feelings." This is where the trouble starts. Usually until someone in a relationship mentions "feeling" of some type for the other, then it remains a friendship.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Don't be so hard on yourself, Jo. You deserve a lot of credit for not getting involved any further---you've been through a lot, for a long time and deserve to be treated like the wonderful woman that you are!<P>Be strong, and I will be praying for you!

Jo:<P>I'm on the "boys" side here, if your main intent is to cut off contact with this guy, then do it without the "good" stuff. Otherwise, it's like pouring gasoline on a fire. <P>I know this isn't really a "ending it with the OP" letter in the truest sense, but Harley could include this type of letter as an example of what NOT to say when you really want a relationship to end. It's way too full of love and longing.

Dear Jo:<P>Gosh, how hard this is. If you've read my posts to Catsplay you know my general feelings about the "no contact" letter. <P>This seems, however, an entirely difference situation. The OW or OP usually gets into the situation knowing or shortly thereafter finding out that the person they are involved with is married, and knowing that, still pursues the relationship. This OP has really not done anything wrong.<P>I know this relationship was sort of inadvertent on your part (BAD, BAD, advise from counselor) and you don't have anything to feel quilty about, but now it has to be put to an end as gently as possible.<P>I agree with NSR and the "boys" that I would tone down the "feelings" in the letter and make it succinct and positive but definitely asking that he respect your decision not to continue this relationship.<P>Buffy <P>

Dang!!!Resilient!!<P>If only your ol boy knew what you were going through and what you are willing to sacrifice for him!!!And how dedicated you are to being faithful to him!!!That's LOVE!!!<P>Makes me want to go kick his rear-end for you, that's all I got to say!<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited September 15, 2000).]