She said she thinks OW is out of the picture because H has been spending alot of time with MIL and talking about living alone in his new apartment. He also asked if she wanted to go to hawaii with him on vacation later this year. <P>I am a little more sceptical. I wonder if it is more cover up talk. He has never told her there is OW and in fact denied it when she asked. He told me months ago when he wanted out that he would not have another relationship for a long time. I think there is a part of him that beleives that this thing with OW is a friendship, and not a relationship. <P>He hasn't called me yet since he left on wed. to tell me how to get in touch with him. I found some things here he specifically said he wanted to take. I am getting the lockes changed on Tuesday and I would tell him that if he calls, but if he doesn't I guess I won't make the effort either. <P>I have been cleaning, moving things to cover the holes he left when he took stuff, cleaning the carpet. Me and the cat feel kind of lonely. This house is big and empty.<BR>I was thinking about going up to see a friend in Seattle , but didn't have the energy to leave the house for that long.<P>I am afraid he will never call and I will never see him again. I am afriad I will see him and it will be more of the same, withdrawn. And I don't know how to fight that.<BR>Thanks for listening to my ramblings today. I will continue my cleaning misson. At least it keeps me busy. Don't tell me I will have to start looking forward to Mondays to go to work. Not that! <BR>Lora

Lora,<BR>I have been reading Tough Love,by Dobson I believe.He advocates "letting spouse go".Have you heard of him? What do you think?beth

hi Beth,<BR>I have read parts from it. Yes, I guess I am trying that, I wrote him a letter before he left that said I was letting him go and make his choices. Maybe his choice is to never see or talk to me again.<BR>Lora

Lora,<BR>I hope not , beth

If he did make that choice, he'd make it from the mindset of a weasel, a coward and a loser...care to add more labels?<P>In other words, it would be a reflection on his own character and not of yours, Lora.<P>You have behaved with dignity, grace and strength that you dug deep and found when the going got tough.<P>THAT'S CHARACTER, not your H's history of denial, conflict avoidance, disrespect and lies!

FHL,<BR> LOL,you surprise me sometimes, must be your name, makes me think you are sort of prim and proper, and then you come out with the weasel comments. I do feel like I have grown, I hope I can continue to behave with dignity, but sometimes I just want to turn into a yelling sceaming shrew and rant at the unfairness of it all.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora,<P>It's so hard when they leave isnt' it.<P>I hate to use a four letter word here again, but I have to. TIME. He is floundering, let him hit bottom all by himself.<P>I feel funny posting to anyone right now, cuz I'm not doing real well, but I know how it feels when they leave and I just wanted to say that it can be kind of liberating at the same time as being sad as hell.<P>What do you love to do? Read? Watch old movies? Have your buddies over for a girls night...get out the blender, or better yet, I have a great recipie for Manhattans! You know those drinks they're always drinking on that show "Sex and the city". But you have to drink them out of martini glasses...I went and bought some just for that purpose. I'm not advocating getting ripped on a nightly basis, but I did have a lot of fun the night we made Manhattans...good memories I made for myself.<P>If being here at MB helps, be here all you want! You can now, because you don't have to worry about H showing up and needing your attention. Give yourself a pedicure while watching an old Alfred Hitchcock movie. <P>I know, these things sound kinda silly...but as much as I hate H being gone, they have helped me appreciate some time to myself, doing whatever the he!! I pleased.<P>You know, he will call. You will see him again, you may be hungover and have bright pink toenails when he shows up...but hey, you did something but clean!<P>He will probably be withdrawn for quite a while. He is feeling sorry for himself...wondering if he's making the right choices. It will take some time...maybe a lot of time, and I know there are no guarantees, but look at this time as time for Lora to have a little fun and freedom too! Now, go get that pajama party orgainized for next weekend.<P>allison

They're not Manhattans...they're Cosmopolitans.<P>You get to use one of those groovy shaker-thingies to make them too!<P>Jeez, I sound like a lush...really, I hardly ever drink guys... <BR>allison

Prim and proper...hardly. Usually I am flexible, friendly and nonjudgemental...UNLESS you cross one of my core values. Then I tend to go overboard.<P>Since honesty is huge for me, I do have a hard time being accepting to or repeat offenders or those involved in any kind of deception or denial.<P>However, just to be fair, I did not call your H a weasel, liar, coward or loser just because he betrayed your marriage emotionally and/or physically. It his denial and his dishonesty and avoidance that I take issue with moreso than the actual betrayal. You could recover from the betrayal, but his is denying your marriage by his dishonesty...maybe even with himself.<P>But you, Lora...you GO girl!

Allison,<BR> I just watched Alfred Hitchocks Rope the other day. I went out for Margarittas with a friend friday after work, so i am working on it. My Dad used to drink Manhattens... pretty powerful stuff! I will enjoy some time on my own, have plans for a wild weekend in Novenber with a friend somewhere out of town. <BR>I am making the transition from worrying about his every move to worrying because I don't know his every move. <P>FHL,<BR> I know. I truely think I can forgive and move past the affair or whatever he wants to call it. But the total withdrawl from me, the refusal to speak, the continued denial, not giving me any sort of a chance, that is hard to handle.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora,<P>((((((((((Lora))))))))))<P>Now is the hardest time for you, but eventually it will get better, and maybe you become too confortable to live alone with your cat(LIKE ME!!! )!<P>It's so true your H has to hit the rock bottom to see anything he's done. My H moved out at the end of April, he feels sorry for what he's done but he hasn't hit the rock bottom yet..(too bad) But I believe the day will come!<P>Although your H moved out recently you are doing much better than I... my place is a mess! I need to clean!!<P>More hugs,<P>Meg

Meg,<BR>I think even the cat misses him, she is sleeping in the linen closet on his towel right now. I would like to joing her, but don't think I could fit on the shelf. <P>I was forced to clean cause I couldn't stand blank spaces that were evidence of him moving. Its not like I got carried away and cleaned the bathrooms or anything.<P>I guess I will just try and continue to be patient. And drive you all crazy with my frequent posting.<BR>lora<P>

Hey Lora,<P>Thats very interesting about your MIL and what she sd about your H. I wonder why he's going to the extremes with his denial of OW.<P>Hey, I tried calling you this A.M., left a msg. I know you called me yesterday morning but I went to work early and then ran errands then back to work. Yuck!<P>I'm home cleaning AGAIN today, jeeez, what a way to live, week-ends cleaning. Wonder i I'll ever have a life again???? (rhetorical)<P>Call me up if you get a chance today.<P>Love you,<BR>Jo

Lora, I am a strong believer in letting something go when it wants to and waiting for it to come back. And because of that belief I almost made the biggest mistake of my life. I was going to let my H go, hoping he would come back to me. Then that night as he was preparing to leave to God only knows where (He couldn't go to her house, she is married)I screamed at him that he needed to give us an honest chance and see if our marriage could work. I told him, no, I screamed at him that I was worth his attention after all I had done for him and he needed to grant me this. It was the best thing I had ever done in my life. Some would say it was love busting, I don't know. I just think that God was talking through me that night and I knew that I needed to say this to him....<BR>It's taken me a couple of years to actually believe what stuff I pulled that night (alot of threatning and lbing....)and to believe that what I had said was the truth but it was. Maybe this might help you.... It's a chance. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!