Hey, <P>It's a good thing that you have found this address. Hopefully, you will read some of the things that people write. There are a good many brilliant people here. This is a place for loving, forgiving people with a lot of heart and who believe in marriage; people who believe in rekindling marriages that have been destroyed, and who are intent on making bad marriages "good." All these people are intent on building themselves for the better, no matter what happens. I would like to think that I am one of these people; if I am not, I would like to be, and I am trying to get there. I am not perfect.<P>I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you what I have been wanting to tell you for a long time. I just didn't have to guts.<P>I forgive you for everything, and I sincerely mean this.<P>I have loved you since the first time that I ever saw you, and I still do, regardless of anything that has happened. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you enough to let you go, if needs be. I will set you free if that means your growth depends on it.<P>It has been very difficult, I will definately admit that, from day one.<P>Much of the difficulty has been because of me. I, like I said, am definately not perfect. I am only human. My big mistake has probably been in misunderstanding you. Another was in being a person who does not communicate very well. Another was in holding grudges. I was impatient. I cried. I had a temper.<P>Please try to understand that, I, being only human, was trying my best to fix things, but I did it in ways that drove you away instead of fostering a relationship. I never intentionally wanted to hurt you, ever. I only wanted to love you.<P>I did a lot of things, and well I know. I am busy seeking ways to improve myself, to become a stronger person of more charitable attributes, wiser, more forgiving, more selfless. This may be after the fact, but, nevertheless, the day that you may see me again, you will know that I have changed.<P>The reason that I am letting you go is for you, not for me. I want you to be happy, whatever it takes for you to be happy. I am not judging you in any way, or judging your decisions.<P>Please rest assured that I am dedicated to taking the best care of your little boy. This is what I live for. Not only that, but I promise to help build a relationship between the two of you. Never will I, no matter what happens, ever put emnity between the two of you. My son needs a father, and you are a very good father; You are the best and I have said this many times, to you and to others. I will never replace you for him. You are it; you are the only father that he will ever have, and he loves you very much.<P>(I think that why he said that comment is because he is concerned about me. He wants me to be happy, too. I did not put any ideas into his head about finding a new dad.) <P>I am very proud of all that you have accomplished. You have incredible talants and gifts, and I hope that you will continue to use them. I was always proud of having you for a husband, in every way, whether you believe this or not.<P>But I think that for the good of both of us, it would be wise that we both use this time to heal and to think about things. I wish to give you this time to concentrate on your job unhindered. This is important to you--and to me--you can't have this giant contraversy at home when so many depend upon you. I need to pay off these debts that have accumulated. And to raise my children in a quiet, stable environment until things have settled down.<P>I have not abandoned you; I didn't before when I re-enlisted and moved to Washington, but I did not make this situation clear, and for this mistake I will be always regretful. I wish to remain a friend to you in any capacity that you wish to be friends with me.<P>If you would consider me to be a wife to you, if not even now, but in the future, I vow to remain faithful to you until the day that you legally divorce me. This is a sincere promise from the heart. I will wait for you until you have decided, once and for all, that you no longer want me.<P>Until that day, like I said, I will work on myself to build the attributes that would make me a good wife to you.<P>I realize, too, that you need to choose between me and another. This hurts. But know that you will make the decision that best suits you, and I hope that you will be happy no matter what.<P>I would hope that you would keep in touch with me as I have descibed, if only so that I can tell you about what your little boy does each and every day. He is a little devil and he drives me nuts, but I love him all the more for it. I want you to know all the rotten things that he does. Like spilling a giant puddle of orange soda on Nana's carpet, right in the middle of the room. And drawing a big picture of Beavis and [censored] for the pastor at church. And his favorite place to go, the Texaco station (?) where they have giant 2-lb bags of pepper jerky--the only thing that he wants for breakfast (along with orange soda.)<P>This, in a nutshell, is all that I have to say to you for now.<P>Bottom line, I do not wish to do you any harm or bring you to shame. I just want you to understand how terribly I hurt (but, with understanding, I am getting over this.) This is why I have said some things that you may see as being hateful to you (I was not trying convey this to you at all.) <P>I forgive you and I love you, no matter how you may perceive this and no matter what may happen. And I hope that you will forgive me for the things that I have done as well.<P>And I hope that our future may hold some friendship, someday at least, when things heal.<P>Your loving wife, Mary
