But I really, really am gonna TRY to make it quick, I promise.<P>Trying to keep a promise to update every month since recovery started. I'm a little late here....7 months has passed and we're working on 8. 21 (approximately) months since affair began, 15 months since d-day. Almost 8 since he came home. Boy, I can hardly believe how much time has passed and how much has happened in these last 2 years!<P>Oh, yeah, the update! Well, #1, a biggie for me....I'm quitting smoking! I've hated it for some time now, been my crutch. Robert REALLY hates it! I haven't had the strength to quit. (Sounds kinda stupid after all we've had to have the strength FOR, doesn't it?) Well, GYN informed me he will no longer fill my prescription for BC pills if I smoke. If THAT'S not motivation, nothing is!!! So, he gave me a prescription for Zyban and off I went.<P>Didn't like the Zyban. Had to take it a week b/f quitting and I started crying on day 2. I never have been good at meds at all. I got so blessed DEPRESSED! Everyone asked me what was wrong with me. I'm thinking "This is supposed to make me feel BETTER?" I kept taking it and I stopped smoking last Tuesday, but I cried ALL THE TIME, even before I quit smoking! Ran out of money to refill the prescription and didn't take it Thursday, Friday, Sat. Robert looked at me at the breakfast table..."Damn!" HUH? "You LAUGHED! I haven't heard you laugh in a more than a week since you started taking that medicine! It sure sounds good!" He was right. So, no more Zyban for me. So now, I'm grumpy, testy, short-tempered and climbing the walls, BUT.....I'm not smoking and I'm not crying or depressed. My family says they can deal with this me better...I can too.<P>The update...well, smoking's a big thing. Robert's a reformed smoker and he HATES it. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for quitting as well. Not one single slip...although I've really wanted to. Hardest thing I think I've ever done. He's being great...supportive, loving, dealing with my moods like you wouldn't believe...like I don't believe he's ever done in his life! My, um, irritability has made me a little bold AND a little insecure, all at the same time. I've asked questions you would not believe, things I thought I was long past...he just takes them in stride, reassures me, answers more honestly than I ever thought he could and doesn't even seem to be bothered. That's pretty cool.<P>As for the rest of our life, well, we're fine. We're good. We have a good time, we're broke, got too much to do, too many things going on and we have learned, for the first time in our lives, just to DEAL with it...do what we can, let go of the other. That's a recently acquired skill for the two of us!<P>I wish I could give you guys some wonderful accounts of amazing progress, something to make everyone sit up and take notice. Fact of the matter is....we're just happy, just married, just going about our lives with each other.<P>Our joys are simply run-of-the-mill everyday joys...giggling over something stupid, Friday night dinner at the cheap new Chinese place, watching my favorite movie just one more time, making love. Finally saw "The Story of Us" and we both enjoyed it...a nice movie, didn't really push any buttons except to make us feel a moment of extra closeness. That, in itself, I guess is a good thing.<P>He was telling me something we supposedly did the other day and I just blurted out "Nah, that must have been your other girlfriend..", just as I would have done years ago, just kidding around, without even thinking. "Oh, yeah, that's right, I forgot....no you dingbat, it was YOU, remember.....". That in itself just amazes me....no triggers, no hard feelings, the fact that something like that even popped out....and HE didn't get upset in the least. That certainly feels good.<P>Our troubles are normal troubles. Teenaged daughter dating someone we don't trust, teenaged daugther just BEING a teenaged daugher, not enough money to go around, house falling apart, Mom's driving me crazy, work too much, the lawn needs mowing.......normal nice everyday things.<P>Isn't life grand?<P>Some moments are like a honeymoon, some like we've been married a hundred years. PT rarely comes up (remember he forgot to tell me she was transferred) and when she does, well, it's just not a big deal. Those insecurities I mentioned earlier...not about the affair, about now. Normal things (I'm a bit insecure by nature, I think)....our lives are centered around today and tomorrow, not what happened to us before. Sure we know it happened, sure we remember it, if we stop to think about it, but it doesn't color our lives. We're LIVING our lives.<P>I wish I could remember the moment when I felt us stop "recovering". Does that make any sense? I remember when he first came home, worrying about doing everything right, dealing with the mood swings and catastrophes along the way, wondering if he was gonna stay, what he was thinking, how things were going, how our marriage was, wondering what we should do next, what was gonna COME next.....you know the drill.<P>What I can't remember was when that stopped or how it stopped or WHY it stopped. When I started just living with my husband, not recovering, when we started just contributing to a great marriage, not re-building one, when we stopped thinking about healing all the time....all of a sudden I realized I never thought about recovering or healing or any of that stuff anymore and hadn't for a while. Weird, huh?<P>So, guys, that's my pretty boring update. But you know what? I love it! For just what it is, for the promise of what it will be, for all that I have....I just love it, every boring minute of it!<P>Take care everyone (and pray for my poor family while I continue to go without the smoking!! )<P>Love to all,<P>Lori<P>

lostva:<P>Maybe boring but a success!!!!<P>Yippy!!!!!<P>Thanks for everything, keep the short updates coming and CONGRATS on the NO SMOKING.<P>Judy

Lori,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I wish I could give you guys some wonderful accounts of amazing progress, something to make everyone sit up and take notice. Fact of the matter is....we're just happy, just married, just going about our lives with each other.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>But that IS amazing progress! I think that is exactly what everyone here is striving for.<BR>

Your progress is everyones hope and not smoking is such a bonus. <BR>One thing you wrote struck me. I received an email joke last night and laughed out loud when I read it, then just as quickly thought of my circumstance and almost cried. It was about a gift of flowers, and my H did personally take flowers to OW, that were a gift from the office.<BR>We have had some real moments lately that make me wonder if all about the OW was my imagination, and then something will trigger all the doubts again. Last night H was 1/2 hr later than usual. I was getting anxious and then when he got home there was construction on the X-way. <BR>Maybe with time, I can find peace of mind. In the mean time, I am so glad for your normal~everybody needs it~ life! L

Lori,<P>I know you don't spend much time here anymore, but this is the 3rd story I've read in two days of returning to normal! If you want to read, it was Mthrrhbard and Oh My Marie.<P>First, I am so happy for you. It is what we all here want...<P>I think the only one standing between me and success like yours is ME. But the others also said it kinda snuck up on them. I know I'll get there...

Dear Lostva,<P>Congratulations on the new, better marriage and for not smoking.<P>I would like to add that your time line and ours are almost the same. I smoke and my H is a reformed smoker and hates it also. I really need to quit for me and for the entire family.<P>It is so wonderful to read of your success and I feel bad that I can't, at this time, post a similar scenario for all to enjoy. My H and I have also come along way and were doing so well until I discovered recent contact with he and OW. This incident really has set us back, well, set me back I should say, H hasn't over reacted quite as much as I have to this incident.<P>I, for some reason, will not let this go this time. In my eyes they may as well have slept together again. This time I have really felt like this is the last straw and I am so unwilling to get over it. I don't understand how something this trivial could cause me so much duress. Did you have any major setbacks to speak of and would you be willing to share that with me? <P>Congratulations again, I guess the timing was so right for you to quit.<P>Cathy

Hi Lori,<P>Thanks for the update. Whenever I feel like everything is lost & I don't know if I can go on, I read a post you sent to me. It really helps to know that you can win them back, even after they've left.<P>Good luck on not smoking. It's the second hardest thing I've ever done.<P><P>------------------<BR>Nick<BR>I love her not because of who <BR>she is, but because of who I <BR>am when I am with her.

Ah, blissful normalcy...<P>Love you, Sheryl <P>OH (edit, edit, edit), and the not smoking! Jeez it's hard!!!! I've been cutting back myself lately and can't quite get that last bit of NO MORE happening. Best wishes on that one!!!!!!!! <p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited September 19, 2000).]

Lori,<BR>You may feel that your story is boring,but I still find it amazing.For those of us whose spouses are still with OP, your story is a glimmer of hope. <BR>Keep up good work with no smoking,you are a strong person .<BR> Love and prayers,beth

Hey Lori,<P>I was wondering about you, but thought maybe you and Robert were spending a month on a deserted island second-honeymooning!!<P>I'm really happy for you. I would sure like to have the same kind of "boring" life around here.<P>I guess we'll hear from you in another month! I'm sure the news then will be of continued success.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

Lori-<BR>Please continue to update us on your success story. Oh, what I wouldn't give for the normal everyday ups and downs of married life. Your story continues to give me hope.<P>And congratulations and good luck continuing with not smoking!

Lori,<P>So glad you are also experiencing the 'boring' part of being married, mostly happily, most of the time. <P>It's good, huh?<P>(But don't forget the value of an occasional Vicky's Secret purchase !)<P>lizpearl

Hey Lori!!!!!<P>I'm so glad life is back to normal for you. You deserve all the happiness you are feeling right now. I wish I could say I was in the same boat but I'm doing good. Kids and I are moving and Jeff and his new love and her three kids are moving here. I filed for divorce last week and if it all goes well we should be divorced by Halloween. I have come to the conclusion that we were just not meant to be anylonger. I'm fine with that, my life is so much less stressful now. Hopefully sometime in my life I can find the love that you and Robert have for eachother.<P>Keep us updated!<P>I post on the divorce board mainly now so if you want to look me up just check there. Or if you have time you can still e-mail me.<P>Love ya lots<P>Jill

Hi Hon!<P>Wow! So wonderful about the dumping of your cancer sticks! I'm ecstatic when complete strangers tell me they've done it so I'm just about to pmp that <I>you're</I> doing it! You go, Girlfriend! <P>Loved the update. A real, working, united, strong, "dull" marriage. I'll take that anyday over the melodrama and excitement that goes on daily on this board & in my life! <P>I know she is such a miniscule particle in the scheme of your lives now, but if you remember my case at all, you'll know why I ask: where is PT now? <P>A monthly update, huh? Sounds great. I think everybody should follow your leader!<P>Aloha,<P>L<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited September 19, 2000).]

Hey Darlin'<P>If you are really that boring...how about being me for awhile!!! I could use boring!!!!! LOL!!!! I am not quitting smoking right now though...I would really go insane!!!!<P>You already know that I think you and Robert are creating something wonderful and in the right way!!!! You are both the best!!!!<P>Glad you dropped the meds too, cuz you really were out of it while on them!!!<P>BIG HUGS to you all,<P>Sheba<P><BR>

Congratulations. My father in law quit smoking after 45 years of it. If he can do it anyone can. Good luck