A few months ago I met a man over the internet. I am 23, he is 43. My marriage was lacking to say the least, and I set out looking for fun. Well...I fell in love. Had I read the information on this website first I would have known that this would happen. So now I am having an affair with this married man. He has been married for over 22 years. He says the marriage died after the 3rd year when his wife had cheated on him. He couldn't forgive her and turned to alcholol and drugs to get through it. He says he stayed only for the kids. Now there is one kid in college, one a senior in high school, and one a sophmore in high school. We are so incredibly happy together. I tried to end the affair thinking it would be best for him and his family and everyone involved. Well that didn't work so well. I keep trying to tell myself that this can't possibly last, that he would never leave his wife. He says he has been planning to leave her after the last kid has graduated, and I had alredy decided I want a divorce. Neither of our spouses know. Please e-mail me and help me with this.

Hey hon, your e-mail is not posted on here. Before I reply, though, I wanted to ask you a couple of questions: #1 - how long have you been married, #2 - have you and this MM met in person yet, and #3 - does he live in the same area as you? <P>You can e-mail me on this if you want:<BR>agarrett@anvilcorp.com<P>Ali

Most people are here because they want to save their marriages or because they are dealing with the pain of divorce. I would guess then that most people would tell you to stop having the affair, deal with the problems in your marriage, and let the OM deal with his problems.<P>I appreciate you coming here for help, but so many of us have experienced the pain of infidelity either as the betrayer or the betrayed, and I don't think there are many among us who would support your relationship or encourage you to "go for it" while you and this OM are still married. <P>I know you think you are in love and that this is the greatest guy on earth. Things change when there isn't the secrecy. When every day life, like laundry, bills, work, and kids get in the way, it just doesn't look so rosy. You are getting the best of each other because you are in a cocoon where the real world does not intrude. It makes things look really good, but I can tell you that relationships like this just aren't real and don't last. Sorry. Just my opinion.

I have to say I disagree with Popeye in that I do find it beneficial to discuss with someone who is having an affair why? But I do have to say a word of warning to you, and you can bank on these words. Hon, if he really wanted to leave his wife he could have and would have a long time ago!<BR>Sorry, I see doom and heartache there for you. There is no reason to "hang On" to a marriage in this day and age just for the kids and these kids are more than old enough for this Dad to have decided this a while ago, if he really had wanted to. Sorry, just call them as I see them. I hope and pray you don't get hurt. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Do yourself a favor and explore this site some more. You are feeling just the way anyone having an affair feels. And it almost always doesn't last. I'm no expert, and am in the middle of a crappy situation with my wife being with someone else, but I think you should do some reading and serious thinking about what you are doing. It is a fantasy and will eventually end. And I agree with chick's that he would have left his wife by now if he was going to. That line is the oldest in the book, and people are falling for it all the time, then getting hurt. I wish you the best.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chick's:<BR><B>I have to say I disagree with Popeye in that I do find it beneficial to discuss with someone who is having an affair why? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Uh, I didn't say anything about whether or not it was beneficial to discuss this. I think it's GREAT that JustMe is here. I think that that indicates that there is some hope for her marriage. I think that the mere fact of her being here means that she is open to exploring the possibilities.<P>I do have to also say that I think most betrayers SAY they are leaving their spouses. My H told all his women that he was married and they all abided by that and never called my house or our business. However, they all thought we had a crappy marriage, we lived separate lives in separate bedrooms and were simply business partners. THAT was an absolute lie. Nothing could have been further from the truth. He was no suffering husband, that is for sure!<P>Anyway, I think everyone deserves someone who loves them and is true to them. If that were the only factor in your affair, it would be enough for me to recommend you re-examine your commitment to it because he is not yours. Sorry.<P>As they all say, if he does it to her, he will do it to you.

My h also had an affair with a young (21) yr old and got her to fall in-love with him. It was exactly what he set out to do. She knew he was married, I'm not sure what he told her about our marriage being "over".<P>After telling her not to contact him again, he felt pretty guilty about stealing her heart. He had some feelings too, but never intended to leave.<P>But I will not be settled for. He has so completely dedicated himself to me, but I'm still looking for something that will show me he really has learned his lesson about playing with sex and emotions. I was DEVASTATED. And so will your MMs wife be when she finds out. And she will, the truth comes out eventually.<P>We're in our late 30s and had a good marriage which is recently becoming GREAT, living by the principles Dr. Harley teaches.<P>Have you thought about saving your own marriage? Your h will go through the pain you read here (see some of the stories when newcomers first find out). I am convinced there are no such thing as inherent incompatibilities. Any two people can choose the behaviors that will cause them to fall deeply in-love.