I don't post often, but read everyday. Some of you may remember that two weeks ago. I discovered the resumption of my H's affair. I confronted both the OW and H (big LB). My H claims that he no longer feels any emotional attachment to OW and that "it's just a F---. Yeah right!<BR>We went away for the weeked with the kids to Disneyland and had a great time. It's a 3 1/2 hour drive from our home and the H and I drove down together alone, with the kids following later after our daughter finished her duties as varsity cheerleader Friday night. It gave us a lot of time to talk and we listend to Dr. Phil's book on tape.<BR>He claims that I should just relax, that he loves me and the kids and has no intention of leaving us. He feels that the best way for him to end his relationship with her it to just not call her very often and just let it dwindle out. Of course I am supposed to be supportive and patient. When he asked if I could handle knowing that he would sometimes be seeing her and probably be in contact often by phone, I really didn't know what to say. I told him all my fears and anger....but at the same time I don't want to lose him. Any advice?

I would tell him, and according to the readings in these advise columns, make a choice. Cold turkey. He should cease all contact. My husband and I sat down together and wrote a finalization letter to the ex girlfriend, saying leave us alone as we are working things out. Leaving it to him he may send mixed messages. You are important dont let him put you in second place, you can always find someone who willput you first. Good luck

Stella,<P>No, no, no ! That is a bad idea, a very bad idea ! If you say well yes honey I can handle it the you are all but giving him permission to keep it up and 9 chances out of 10 it will keep going. If he wants you and the marriage he has to be willing to give some too. This way you are giving. You can do what you wish, but it looks like he has already been given on chance to stop and started up again. You have to set some boundries here ! Don't be walked on. Just my 2 cents.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

I also believe that you should not support seeing her in any way. I do/ would not even support calling the other person but could look at just talking like part of the long trip thru recovery. Mistakes do happen. <BR> <BR>Wow how hard that must be. you must be a strong person!! Stay strong but stay true to youself also.<BR>Hope you had a great day at Disney!!<BR>

Hi Stella:<P>I don't know for sure, but this seems a lot like your H is saying he wants to keep this relationship on the side. Having been through this I can tell you it will never work out. <P>I worry more about those WS who just see their OP as "F****" because it indicates they are not lost in a "fog" but just want to have a little on the side. Once you allow this to happen, it's hard to close the door on it. <P>You may have to lay your marriage on the line, and say "regardless of whether you are willing to stay with me or not, I'm not willing to stay in this marriage if you're are not willing to totally commit yourself to me." And mean it. All contact with this OP must stop and any other extra-marital activities must stop as well.<P>I don't think this means that your H cannot commit. It just means that he is missing something in your marriage that he is seeking in another woman/women. Recommitment to your relationship and focusing on MB principles could help to identify what's missing so you can work on it together.<BR> <BR>This will be hard, but not nearly as hard on you as living with a cheating husband.<P>Buffy<BR>