Dear BL, I wrote you a long reply, and that took more than an hour, and when I tried to post - it was refused and I was locked out. Several hours ago, I was locked out of most of my posts at GQ. Must be Steve Harley's merge.<P>Okay, here's what I think and I do not want you to go all crazy when you read. <P>I think you have to be prepared for what your wife may tell you, and like you both agree, it has to be a safe place emotionally before she opens up. Whatever it is, I think there may already be an EA at the least. This I deduce from the sexual contents of his emails to her. If she is not interested, she would not continue to reply and talk to him.<P>I am saying this in the hope that you become more emotionally prepared and work out your solutions before you LB (I am not a PLan A person so I am not the resident expert at all, but I do read about LBs) when and should she decide to tell.<P>It is very hard for me to say that yes she is having a PA. I think you can figure out that yourself. You can pick up the clues and especially when you are intimate. I hate to say this, but sometimes when people are abroad, they tend to feel less mindful of their responsibilities, and do things out of excitement or something. Your wife may feel that she is trying to get over this man gradually and return to a normal life with you once this 'friendship' has run its course.<P>I would suggest you write her about how you feel and get books on the devastating effects divorce have on children and both of you read them. When you decide to write to her (given to her prior to her boarding the plane so she can really reflect - the plane does strange thingsto people too - it makes things more critical), and give her the books in gift wrap to be opened on board, YOU MUST DO IT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO WORK on the marriage. If you want to leave, then there is little point in asking her to reflect on the future, right?<P>I am not you, and I am suggesting things and analysing the situation in the light of what I have read.<P>I would also suggest you get some books such as "forgive and forget- healing the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis B. Smedes, "Prayer and FaSTING" BY Derek Prince.<P>NSR has a list of books, you can go to FIND, and type in NSR and Notable Posts.<P>I also feel that counselling and a supportive church help a great deal in instilling a sense of responsibility as well as in working out the solutions that would help in your particular situation.<P>You can, also, cut out advertisements or get onto the net, for appointments for positions she is well qualified to do without she having to travel.<P>Please look after your health at this stage and stay positive, look sharp, be joyful and let her see the "prince" she first fell in love with.<P>Take care<BR>weep