Hi Lori,<P>Yep, still hanging in there. Had an LB friday night, but we seem to be over it. She's coming around 3 or 4 days a week & we're planning some outings together, so I'm geting lots of opportunities to plan A. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but she did put back on her wedding band (albeit her right hand, but at least it's on there as a reminder) which I'm sure she knows is VERY important to me. She's also mentioned noticing a change in me, and missing me a little. <P>She's coming over for her birthday Sunday night & we have a REAL date on Monday, so things seem to be doing ok. I'm just afraid that it will take much longer to re-kindle her old feelings while she's apart. If you have any good Plan A ideas, I'd love to hear them.<P>Remember, quitting smoking gets a little easier every day. I'm going on 7 years now & aside from an occasional cigar with the boys, I've done pretty well.<P>Hope all is well with you & yours.<P>------------------<BR>Nick<BR>I love her not because of who <BR>she is, but because of who I <BR>am when I am with her.

Hi, Nick. Sounds like you're moving right along. Please remember that this stuff takes a lot of time and patience and hard work. Robert lived with PT for more than 6 months while I plan A'd before he came home...and that WHOLE TIME, up until 3 days before he asked to come home, he said he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce! You just keep doing what's right, ok?<P>How are you doing controlling those LB's? GOT to work on that, remember? Plan A and love deposits are cumulative and you don't see results very quickly. LB's have an IMMEDIATE effect and can remove love units you've worked hard to place for a long, long time! In our situations, they're not just "goof-ups" they can undermine all efforts to restore love. <P>You're getting a lot more chances to show her the new and improved Nick than I ever had with Robert. Good for you. Just keep doing it....not just showing her but BECOMING your best...you can't fake this stuff, remember?<P>I'm sitting with yet another Tootsie Roll Pop in my mouth as I type. I do hope my teeth last through this withdrawal!!! LOL<BR>Any tips from an ex-smoker would be greatly appreciated!<P>Tips for Plan A...hmmmmm...remember...NO LOVEBUSTERS, EVER, NO EXCUSES! Don't cut yourself one bit of slack, you CAN control your actions and your outbursts. Make all experiences with you pleasant, non-threatening, non-confrontational. You are the good place to be. Be her very best friend. That's what spouses are, right? And that means that, for now anyway, her best interests and her feelings come first. Trust me....PLEASE....there will be time later for all your dreams and all your needs...put your taker away for a while.<P>And most importantly, you'll read and hear a lot here that it's OK to express your feelings as long as you do it "non-judgementally" and in the appropriate manner. That's true, very true in a healthy marriage. But, right now, that MAY make her uncomfortable and therefore would be considered a lovebuster. Remember, Steve Harley says "Your SPOUSE determines what is a lovebuster - not you." Whatever makes her uncomfortable is probably not a good thing to talk about...for us that INCLUDED just about everything! Especially talking about us or our marriage...AT ALL. Never talked about it until he asked to come home.<P>OK, I've talked too much again. Hang in there. This ain't easy, but you've got what it takes!<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

Nick, I love your quote.

Thanks schizzo,<P>It sums up how I really feel. I wish it was mine, but I snagged it from someone elses post and paraphrased it. I read it every time I post & think of her.<P>Lori,<P>I'm embarrased to admit it, but one tactic I used was to bribe myself for certain milestones. (1 week, 1 month, 3 months, etc) My last bribe was a Titanium road bike for the 6 year mark & that's gonna have to be the end (the ciggarettes were cheaper). Seriously there are stages 1 & 3 days, meals all sorts of things, but by 2 weeks the physical craving should subside. From there on it seemed to be psychological, or force of habit. I tried to stay away from smokers, cut down on caffeine & alcohol & drank LOTS of water.<P>Thanks for the advice. When I counsel with Jennifer, I refer to you as the Queen of long distance plan A . I pray I've had my last LB. Forever. I know I can stop myself from doing it. The "new Nick" would never do anything mean to the woman he loves more than anything in the world. I just have to make sure that The new guy is always in charge.<P>Thanks again...<P>------------------<BR>Nick<BR>I love her not because of who <BR>she is, but because of who I <BR>am when I am with her.

Hi Lori,<P>We went on a date last night, but before we left her apartment, she broke down & cried, telling me how bad my one night stand & internet addiction had hurt her. How it made her feel replaced, and that she wasn't good enough for me. She doesn't know if she can ever trust or love me again. <P>All of this hurt very much, but I told her how sorry I was and that I was willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to her and become the kind of man she would want to come back to.<P>My question is, how can I win her trust back? I am completely over my destructive habits, but with her away, how can I make her know this?<P>Anyhow, any advice would be appreciated. BTW, how are you coming with the smoking? It really does get easier, just like everything else....<P>------------------<BR>Nick<BR>I love her not because of who <BR>she is, but because of who I <BR>am when I am with her.

What great news!!! She's TALKING to you...being honest about her feelings!!! Do you know how wonderful that is?????<P>You'd better believe she's scared. Can you blame her? All that time of the "Old" Nick and this little bit of time with the "new" one.<P>Time, my friend, time and patience and consistancy....that's all that will prove to her who and what you are. <P>Today is 2 weeks since my very last cigarette and no slip ups so far....I'm REALLY emotional, though. Don't seem to have too many terrible cravings but I CRY all the time over everything! ("Good Morning, Sweetheart." Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo!! You get the picture!) Never really realized how emotionally dependent I was....and now I don't know how to "take a break". You know, that was my reward, my way of taking a break from the day...smoke a cigarette. Gotta figure out what a "break" is now! Thanks for asking.<P>You hang in there, ok? When the changes are REAL, part of you, she'll just feel it!<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori