I was on the recovery board after many set backs, So I thought. I found out that my W had been seeing Om again. I found out when I confronted him on an unrelated matter. things wern't that great with myself and W. But I thought that she was at least being faithful. BOY WAS I WRONG....<BR>Now she's saying that she really wants to start meeting my needs, that's what she said a year ago too. But that didn't last for long. I just started to begin to trust her, Just to get slapped in the face again. I see OM every day. (I work with him) or I did. I quit my job so I wouldn't do something stupid. I do know that she hasn't seen him in two months. But she was able to tell him that she loved him. Now she says that she wants to do everything to make me happy again. She talls me that she loves me but isn't in love. How is this possible?? To not be in love but want to commit to our marriage and my happiness

I think the addictive quality of the affair is a very real phenomenon. <P>I would still go with what she is saying to you. Try to be supportive. Ask her what you can do to try to help her give up contact or be honest about it.<P>Have the two of you discussed the policy of joint agreement??? Watch the LB's... You be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Keep being her friend. Make yourself someone that she will not want to leave. <P>How long has this been going on with your wife??? Time and patience are the reality producers I guess. Hang in there.

Hi DH:<P>First let me quote you:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><P>Now she's saying that she really wants to start meeting my needs, that's what she said a year ago too. But that didn't last for long <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know the problems could be that you haven't been meeting her needs. After all she was the one who had the affair...supposably she was unhappy.<P>You're lucky that somewhere down deep inside your wife recognizes where her real happiness lies...she wants to stay with you and have a happy marriage...she recognizes that that "in love" feeling is transitory and can appear and go at times. She's giving you a chance to make her fall back in love with you. Take that chance and run with it. Not all of us are given the chance.<P>Sometimes we come back into a relationship after an affair and we think we are mending but we are really just spinning our wheels. This can result in the resumption of the affair because things have really not changed at all. <P>Of this could be just an index of how difficult the process of withdrawal is...letting go of something that makes you happy is hard...even if you really want to.<BR>But your wife has shown where her commitment is...give her the time and effort it takes to make her choice the best one for her to make.<P>Buffy