OH BOY ------Is this a VEEERRRY BAAAAD subject for me!!!!!<P>H had the beeper first - only occasional discretions <P>Then came the Police Station mail box - Lots more room for communication<P>He wanted cell phone and it took every ounce of my strength to prevent it for as long as I could - didn't do too bad - I held him off for over a year and 1/4!!<BR>But - he eventually got it and the gates of hell just flung right open instead of just being ajar!!!!!<P>I think that all these conveniences and this "wonderful" new technology will be the end of what's left of integrity, morality and Pride in having those traits!!!! <P>Not only does it allow for more opportunity for infidelity, but look at the laziness and lack of concern for others or the ignorance of being rude that accompanies the use of these items.<P>How many times does someone swerve in front of you on the highway cuz they're on their "cell phone". How many times are you interupted with someones "something" beeping, vibrating or ringing!!!! <P>Whatever happened to parents getting off their doopahs and going out and dragging their kids home by their ear if they were very late coming home. Don't have to do that now - can just "beep" them or "call" them or leave a "voice mail" for them. BULLSH@T!!!! My father would whistle once off the front porch - you could hear that whistle in a 4 block radius.....God help you if you didn't get home!!!! He would be coming to find you!!! Don't see that much now!!! Not only good for us kids, but the neighborhood kids would all listen to his whistle and know that they better get home too!!!<P>So much for interaction!!!!!!<P>I'm sorry - I'm babbling!!!!! God, I hate those things!!!!!<P>Hugs to you all!!!! (Smiley Face)<P>Sheba <P>Forgot to mention - I only just got "call waiting" in may and that was only because I didn't want to be rude to anyone trying to reach me while on here!!!!<BR>When I'm onthe phone and it beeps - I very seldom if ever click over!!<P>Call me old-fashioned!!!<BR>and I hate ATM's too!!!! (H took all our money out that way)<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited September 08, 1999).]

w had one but never really used it in affair till after discovery. they spent time at work together and she called him at work when she got home while i was in bed. I don't sleep very soundly know.<BR>I got cell phone after she left so i could be in touch with kids. that made her mad !

No cell phones, beepers, or email used in our situation. He would just call her from work, or stop by her work while he was out working. We have all of the above, but nothing is private. He never uses the computer, so no concern with email. The cell phone bill comes to me, so he knows better than to use it for anything other than work and me. The beeper is a new one for work. The old one is still activated and he leaves it home with me. Unless he's swallowing phone cards, or calling someone collect, he's not calling anyone or vice versa. He never leaves the house with cash, and even if $.35 were missing from the account, I'd know it. I love being in charge of the money. <P>As far as technology goes, I agree with you Sheba. It's becoming pathetic how these technological advances are being used to further passiveness. I could go on forever about today's society, but I won't bore you. I was just recently given a book called, "The Simple Living Guide", and it's a great book. It doesn't advocate living in the mountains with no electricity or anything like that. The name is sort of misleading. It more or less addresses the issues of how people today are on autopilot and nobody is enjoying life anymore. It's main message is to live under your means, instead of the other way around. It's a good book. It's written by Janet Luhrs.<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

Distrusting - <P>I would never be "bored" discussing todays society!!! And noone else should be either....that's the biggest problem!!! Nobody discusses and stands up about what the truly think about the way things are going. It's just "oh, nevermind about it - there's nothing we can do. Just follow along like a sheep!! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!<P>TNT - Thanks for this thread - I'm getting alot of frustration out here!!<BR>Can You Tell!!!! LOL!!!<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba<P>PS - BTW TNT, your 2x4 is free!!!!

Husband had cell phone and used it to call OW after I left for work.<P>Lots of internet correspondence between them, especially on ICQ. He did computer support and would "help her with her computer problems." Her husband and I both bought it...He also had email addresses I didn't know about.<P>As a result I have no cell phone, internet, or computer at home. <P>

You know, on the one hand, I appreciate the accessibility that technology provides in this "autopilot" society we now live in. But, I have watched H become a slave to this stuff. I despise the interruptions. I hate that he is soooooo accessible to others, yet so distant to me. (I know this goes deeper than just cell phones and pagers, but let me vent please ) His occupation does not require him to be "on-call" and often, I cannot reach him. So whats it really all for? Touchy subject for me, obviously. He's too available for others, IMO. This is really detrimental to my marriage to a conflict-avoider who cannot say no. He seems to be "on-call" for everyone other than me.<P>PS. He's on the 1000 minutes/month plan now! And 90% of his calls are NOT business-related.<P>

Cell phones and beepers in my story. H has a cell phone, I HAD a cell phone and OW has a cell phone and beeper. Plus, OW works for H. After finding out about the affair, I had our phone records ran and realized that H was contacting OW on her cell and beeper. All those nights he said he couldn't sleep because of "so called" business problems, he was beeping and calling her while I was upstairs sleeping. Now I know why the ringer on our bedside phone was always off. He tried to explain it off that they were discussing business. Yea right, at midnight and 6 am in the morning. Sometimes I think H thinks I am real "dizzy blond"; well, he's wrong!<P>P.S. H had even used my cell phone to call her at times. I couldn't get a hold of those phone records because they are a business write off and they get mailed directly to his office--interesting read though I'm sure.<p>[This message has been edited by jackie (edited September 08, 1999).]

My husband (betrayer) had the cellphone. It is wired into his truck, and for business purposes, has always had one. When he turned the business over to our son, part of the "deal" was that he would get to keep his phone. The bills were never sent here, but rather sent to company for payment. AFTER I discovered his affair, my daughter in law arranged to get the last 6 months (Bell only goes back 6 months) of the bills detailed. Bell sent them to her, and she faxed them to me. He had never called her from his phone, but there were many messages deposited, as well as him checking for messages, almost daily. I figured it out very quickly, with the help of Bell, that because he never had charges per minute for the messages deposited, that they were calling him from an area code which was the same as his. (We moved to the country with a different code, but his cellphone was still a city code.) So, I knew that the calls were coming from someone in the city, as opposed to someone local. Also, when I compared the dates when the messages were left, against store receipts (groceries that never made it to the house) ATM withdrawals, and gas receipts (taken out of a garbage bag from the side of the road, after he cleaned out his truck) they always matches with the dates that he would go to the cottage for a few days. I can recall at least three times that I was out in the truck with him, and the phone rang only once, and then stopped. Once, we were going to my son's house, and I insisted that it must have him calling, so I made H call our son, and of course it wasn't him that had called. That is probably when I began to recognize a "pattern" to the phonecalls. I caught on that if the phone rang twice, he would answer it, but NEVER on the first ring. I don't know how the other cell phones work, but with his, if he is NOT in the truck, it immediately goes to the message centre, without ringing. The phone only rings if the truck is running. So, if it rang, that was an indication to the caller that he was in the truck, and there was a possibility that I was with him. Then, wherever we were going, when we arrived, he had to go to the "store" for something, and I assume that he would make the return call from a phonebooth. As far as I am concerned, the cellphones are the biggest enabler of infidelity on the market.<P>Success Story (why me)<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

We both have cell phones. His bill does not track individual calls; he got the cheapest service because he planned to use it only for emergencies. I questioned him when we started to get bills for $40-$50 a month (nothing compared to some of you guys, apparently), and he said it was work-related. I found the OW's phone # when I caught him calling from our driveway and grabbed the phone and hit recall before he could get it back. Good thing I was able to memorize quickly.

I have a cell phone, but affair started with internet.

No cell phones in this marriage. But I do have the beeper problem. That's how I found out about my husband cheating on me.<P>She would beep (of course I was never around until after I found out) and he would erase the number. That is why I got suspicious. He never erases his number. <P>I took the beeper from him for 3 1/2 months. I just recently gave it back to him after having the number changed. So the only way she can beep him is if he gives her the new number. Then the marriage will be over. His work is not allowed to give out any of his numbers (not even to family) without his permission. <P>I believe that the new electronic age has caused a lot of marriages to fail. It makes it easier to meet and cheat.<P>

Betrayer:<BR>email home & work<BR>used phone cards for long distance--all those business trips this spring...<BR>no cell

My H and I both had one, and the OM got one after the affair began.<P>We (my H and I) had ours disconnected two weeks ago. One final step that proves I'm over the OM. My H is happy about it, although he misses his phone. We'll open another account as soon as we both feel comfortable doing so. But for now, best not to have it. <p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited September 08, 1999).]

Oh, I agree this is a sore subject. I was absolutely furious and heartbroken when I found out about the affair. The cell phone and PO Box were his own. But the vindictive 5 year old in me came out. Its amazing that you can access a lot of cell phone companies like Spring on the internet. If you can "guess" his entry code, you're in business. Be honest men, you're not very inventive in that area. Then you can monitor his phone usage and request copies of billings to be sent to an alternate address, thus finding out his girlfriend's phone # and track high usage numbers. At the post office, they are very lax about giving out PO Box keys. Just show your id with the same last name on it and you're in business (at least for my big city p.o). Sometimes they're stupid and leave out their cell phone; if not locked, you can sometimes see voice messaging. My husband's contained his user name and password paged to him from his girlfriend. I was able to take out my aggressions thru my investigations. Not a marriage builder technique, but it sure felt good.

H had both pager and cell phone. But he and OW work together and each have a private office. The affair started while they were travelling together on business. So they had plenty of opportunity.<P>Ironically, the electronics are what tipped me off. The night I confronted him he said he was going to work and I should page him if I needed him (I was 7 months pregnant). It just sounded funny -- why should I page him if he was going to be at his desk? I drove by his office and his car wasn't there. I paged him and gave him hell -- somehow I just knew where he was, and he finally admitted it when he came home that night. So I wonder how long it would have taken me to find out about the affair without the electronics.

Interesting . . . <P>I had a pager, but only a part time job and W had the number. No Cell Phone. E-Mail through work and at home.<P>W had only "hidden" E-Mail at home that I know of.<P>God Bless<P>

No cell phone until 2 months after the affair ended and he got it for me.<P>However, we both had pagers and she called him on it often. I asked when he called me on night when he was working amd asked if I was harrassing her!!!<P>Part of the end of the affair was that he change the number on his pager and of course, not give it to her. As far as I know that is what happened.<P>The past 11 days he has been in the hospital I have had his pager and haven't gotten any stramge pages.<P>I also have a pager and a PO box that he doesn't remember that I have. Got it years ago when I was going to leave because of the drinking. Never let it go. Security blanket I guess.<P>God bless us all.

My H (betrayer) has a cell.<BR>It was just another item to add to my list of suspicious moves (pre-discovery) when he had his cell bill sent to his office instead.<BR>When I asked him to leave, it was shortly after I discovered on his cell that the last few numbers he called---were hers.<BR>They're both a blessing and a curse!<BR>

Ah!!!!!!!The cell phone! <BR>In my case when it started there was no cell phone. There was the "stupid pager" with it's convenient numerical and voice messages!!!! How I hated it! Felt like throwing it down the toilet for sure ( I use it to know the time nowadays - it's disconected - because I can't use a watch - big allergy, even when there's just one tiny thing made of metal, my wrist swells up like crazy ).<BR>The pager was so much part of the affair!<BR>She used to page just to"say I love you...". Many times she would page him every half an hour. There were days - I recorded it - where she paged him over 28 times.I couldn't see that pager in front of me anymore.<BR>And then things started changing - she kept paging. Untill one day he gave me the pager. <BR>When it first started I became a good detective and found the password to retrieve the messages. But I couldn't know when she was paging, specially if he wasn't home, couldn't hear the beep. However somehow I would feel like checking usually minutes after she had paged.LucK? SOmething else? Who knows? I know that many times I heard her voice messages even before he did.Never erased one though.Then after he gave me the pager, he changed departments at work and they gave him "ze zell fone". She started calling ( no problem finding the number, just had to go to the directory at work.<BR>He couldn't give me the phone. He needed it. But after a while decided to have a special ritual every morning after coming from work. He would give me the phone, and tell me that if I wanted I could check all the call he had received or made, or missed. I knew this didn't really mean anything he could just erase the ones he didn;t want me to know about. But the fact that he would give it to me so I could checkmade me feel better. many times I didn't.<BR>Kat<BR>