This is so hard. I have had a bad marraige for 8 out of 10 years! I finally meet a person who is wonderful(so I thought. He is aware of my circumstance and knows I am reaching my goal to get out of this bad marraige. My H comes home one day and says we are moving to another state, I agree, bcause of the kids and leave. My other says it's ok baby, continue doing out there what you were doing here, it will just take a little longer but I love you and nothing will change that. I have been here now for 5 mos, seen my other 3 times and talked to him everyday. Then I notice he was acting strange and confronted him. (from the beginning of our A, I always reminded him that I was not the right person for him and he should find a single girl who would not have all these problems), Finally he admits he just fell out of love, he is sorry and feels horrible for doing this to someone like me, someone who for the first time in a long time totally opened up and let him in my life. I feel so betrayed and think for some reason he still cares, but it is the distance that he cannot deal with. What we had was very special and I miss him so much. What should I do? How do I keep my sanity and keep from picking up the phone and letting it all out? Do any of you have any advice?<P>------------------<BR>Hurt&Confused

Dear H&C,<P>I found your post to be a bit confusing ... From what I gather, you are saying that you are currently trying to extricate yourself from a bad marriage. Now, you are involved with another man, but have moved far away. That other man is now pulling away, and you are feeling "hurt and confused." Right? Please correct me if I am wrong.<P>Can we start by talking about the marriage you are in first before I give you any opinions or advice? <P>First of all, why is your marriage bad? <P>Did you notice it going bad before or after you began having your affair? <P>Why was moving to another state good for your children? And why did your hubby want to move?<P>Why did you agree to the move if your marriage is bad - wouldn't this have been the perfect time to separate?<P>And my last question is - have you given any thought to how your children may feel about this? Or how your husband will feel about this man being around your children?<P>I understand that some marriages simply cannot go on, that some turn into toxic waste that is inhabitable for both Husband and Wife. Perhaps this is the case for you - I don't know, that's one of the reasons why I ask all the questions. <P>I don't know enough about your situation to pass any judgement, but I think it's only fair to tell you that this website is designed to bring marriages back together, not foster the growth of extramarital affairs like the one you are having now. Don't be surprised if you recieve a less than positive response to your post here, as there are many members here who are in your husband's shoes - their wives are having affairs or have had affairs, and it hurts to see a post such as yours.<P>I'll be honest, I don't feel comfortable encouraging an affair to go on. Plus, to state the obvious, the man you have been seeing sounds like he's about to bail on you. But your husband is still here - even wanted you to move with him. Looks like you have a friend in your Husband but only a fair-weather friend in your boyfriend. <P>I feel that if someone is that unhappy with their marriage, then they should just get out. What has stopped you from doing just that? <P>Khyra <BR>

H&C:<P>Are you still out there? I hope you're doing okay.<P>It sounds from your post as though you don't like your marriage and thought you had found a coping mechanism, but then he failed you. I'm sorry you're hurting, but you had to know that this situation didn't have any possible happy ending.<P>The first thing I think you need to do is sit down and think of what is best for Hurt&Confused. If the best thing is keeping your marriage intact, then you should work with all your heart on making a good marriage. If the best thing is to get out of a bad marriage, then you should be honest with yourself and your husband and make a new start.<P>Neither of these roads will be easy, but the best things never are.<P>Please post again and let us know how you are doing. <P>All the best. --HBC