Last night went pretty well. H came home big hug said he was planning for time off from work so we could get away. Went to bed had more love in fooling around. The talk began. He said there are two types of women to F**k.<BR>The mother kind (me) and the loose woman(her).It was to bad I counldn't be both. He said he was feeling less depressed and know he treated me meanly and didn't know why. I asked about his contact with her. He said he still spoke to her on the phone nothing more. I told him it had to end by this Friday. He's had since Feb. to do this. I told him it was not fair to her me or him and I could not handle much more. He asked why by Friday. I just told him it gave him a few more days to think but that he had to do something. Ten minutes later the phone rang . It was her she just hung up. We know it was her becasuse H *69 the phone to find out because I was having trouble with the line earlier and wanted to make sure it was not one of the boyes. He told me it was her. I got up he asked where I was going told him down stairs for a smoke. He complained he doesn't smoke. I left got a cup of water and returned. Layed down said good night and feel asleep. Down this morning. Son 21 year old left for work and returned-got fired. H got up I asked if he would do me a favor and plut the hamper draw back in. He didn't like the way I asked. Said my face looked sad what was wrong. I told him about son was annoyed that guy didn't call him last night and made hime go there for nothing. H asked if it was because he was late the day before. I told him I didn't know. When he came downstairs his remark was it was pretty sad that at his age and the age of his kids he still had two grown boys sleeping while he left for work. I agreed and said I wished they join the army. Understand that my H is a licenced electrician the field which one of my sons is persuing but H has never offered him a job even though he knows son would love it. Before he left I gave him a big hug told him I loved him and out the door he went. What tonight will bring I don't know. Will he stop the contact and if not what do I do.<BR>

My therapist has my assignment this week to make boundries.<P>This is yours. The thing that is important, is that you think up a consequence at the time of setting that boundry, one that you can live with. Then follow through!<P>Since you did not do this, you need to come up with one right away, today! Tell him so he has 4 days to hash it over. <P>I am no good at boundries, I can think them up easily enough, but I CANNOT think of consequences that I can live with. The only one I know is "move in with your cousin."(we cannot afford an extra residence.)<P>If not by Friday, consq be that you two sit down together and write kiss off letter? And YOU get to post it.??This is the only one I can think of. Got any for me?<P>I am suppposed to start small, but I want to start big--no contact. Period.

Morning JTR:<P>I don't know if you mentioned whether or not you know this is a PA, but I think the signs are there that this either is a PA or he is seriously thinking about it becoming one.<BR>Mean one day, then overly salicitious the next. If he's been at it since February, then he's not going to give it up that easily.<P>He's obviously wanting to "have his cake and eat it too" since he has not ridden off into the dust with OW and this has been going on for 8 months. <P>So, you've given him an ultimatum. Well, now you may have to back it up...have you thought of what you plan to do if he won't give her up. And there's every possibility that he won't give her up or he will just continue to see her and claim he's given her up. <P>Your H's in a confused state...his needs are being met by both of you...but you are asking him to give up something that he's receiving a lot of satisfaction from. What are you offering in return...more of the same? This is why a Plan A is so important....it offers him hope that things can change and his needs will be met in the marriage..allowing him to give up OW. <P>But you have to lay that foundation first...by discovering what emotional needs are not being met (on both sides) and working on fulfilling those needs. You still have a chance...he's still at home...quit trying to force him to decide and instead give him a reason to remain with you...because you've become the most responsive, wonderful wife a man could ever want or expect.<P>I know this is hard on your ego...but for now put that aside and do what needs to be done. I see glimmers that you are beginning to come around, so keep comming back here so we can help.<P>Buffy & Faye<P><BR> <P><BR>

Well its 7:30 H just call running late car trouble and I know I can believe him. The battery has been on the wsay out and today was it. anyway he called because he didn't want me to worry. H e also said he called the OW today and told her not to call the shop our house or beep him. He wants nothing to do with her. I feel he is being sincere however if not I know in my heart it will be over I can't do anymore. I will always love him but I will not leave myself open to any more pain. Mental I know I am almost over the edge. Right or wrong the ball is in his court and he has to decide.

Great JTR:<P>We all hope that he means it. You are, after all the best judge of what is best for you and your H and if you think he means it maybe he does. We tend to be a little jaded here because we seen so many bad experiences.<BR>Lets all hope for the best.<P>You probably still have a lot of healing to do, so, if this all works out as you hope, please stay around because the MB principles could help you find out why he had this affair in the first place and possibly keep it from happening again.<P>Let us know how it all turns out, but either way, you're going to be all right. <P>Buffy & Faye<BR>