Hi fellow members...I need some help, please. I just found out (about a month ago) that my wife of six years has been having an affair. When I discovered this, I told her that I'd forgive her and let's move on and try to work things out. I still haven't seen (or felt) that we're moving in the right direction. Am I expecting too much too soon? My wife admittedly says she and the "other guy" talked about marriage and had fallen for each other. I've known this woman for almost ten years now and I can't believe that she could easily fall for someone as fast as she did. She has asked me for time so she can sort things out. I don't entirely agree with her request as there is already a gap between us and if I allow her this time, that gap would widen (my opinion). She tells me she needs this time to figure herself out and to realize what she's done. Also, she says she can't face me right now and it's difficult for her to live under the same roof as me. What do I do? Do i grant her this time or try to work things out together under the same roof?

I don't have any advice concerning what you should do, that ultimately is up to you, but it sounds to me like your W doesn't really want time to "find herself", she wants to be able to see the OM with out the constraints of living in the same house as you. Has contact between your W and the OM been broken off or do they still see/talk to each other? Is the OM married? If he is married, more than likely he was just filling her W's head up with BS concerning getting married, if he is married, more than likely he doesn't want anything to disrupt his own marriage. Just some things to think about.

Welcome <B>p+t</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>In general it is a big mistake to separate...<BR>...there is almost no chance to <B>work</B> on repairing the marriage...<P>Go to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...check out the mechanics at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>!<P>Get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... and read it.<P>Post here often for support!<P><B>DO NOT MOVE OUT</B>...<BR>You can't force her to stay... but hopefully she won't move out either.<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited September 27, 2000).]