Hey, I read your update in Resilient's post. Have you had counseling yet, either with your pastor or someone else? I hope that you and your H are able to work things out, I really do. While this is probably about the worst thing that one human being can do for another, you have a light at the end of the tunnel, because your H is repentant about his A. You said that you had a lot going for your relationship before the A...why let a psycho, "chinless banshee" (I like that one! ) take all of that away? I'm sure she would LOVE to see that!<P>All I'm saying is that I hope things get better for you. Your marriage can recover - don't give up yet. Give your H a chance to redeem himself. You can get to the point to where you can trust him again, but it will be a different kind of trust. Become a part of each other's lives again, and the love and trust can return. I hope what you ultimately want is a true love between you and your husband, and an environment where your baby can see that love.<P>You asked a while back about whether a man could truly have a relationship that was "physical and mechanical" - I asked my H, and he said yes. He has been in that situation, and he said it was disgusting...but if you stand to lose something you care about, you'll do just about anything. That isn't justification, but I thought I would share that with you.<P>You and your family are in my prayers. I hope that you can find peace.

Dear Ali,<P>Thank you so much for your thoughts. It really made my day to see your thread asking about weepy me! <P>I was really down and we had a huge fight and I slapped him (not very hard). He asked me out to dinner last night and, as I sat opposite him at the table, I realised that everything has changed and I don't love him anymore. He threw everything away for some, as he puts it "piece of sh*t, piece of evil sh*t". It is very scary to me to see that he is capable of such a lascivous attitude. I just got so frightened of the man I never knew - he lived a double life so well.<P>What you said was also what he told me "that he cared so much for the marriage that he would do anything to shut her up". He said that Jesus saw everything and that is enough to give him the peace. You were also spot on about what the psycho chinless banshee nympho wanted; WS told me banshee said that if banshee can't have him, the chinless one will make sure he will have a ruined life and destroyed marriage. <P>I am so jealous. What is eating me up is what did he do to her that make banshee so adamant to have him? I was jealous that it could be great sex together? I am also caught up in this mode of thinking : that WS had to pay very little - sex and more sex - to keep the banshee happy. So what is so suffering to be in such a situation? Your H said it is disgusting act - is it because it is meaningless or humiliating or unenjoyable?<P>For the life of me, I really cannot understand why he played along for so long. And I cannot accept. I have been to one shrink and my WS was so jealous, he wants a female shrink instead. But I will be going again so that I get some means to help me back to complete mental health.<P>You know, my life is never the same again, and I don't even want to look at him. WS said the chinless nympho targeted and schemed to get him (he knew this from hindsight) and the rest of the time, he simply didn't know how to manage her ransoms. He just kept giving in to her demands.<P>Now he hopes to have another child with me but I am terrified. There are just too many no nos....<P>Often, I pray that I will awake from this nightmare, and sometimes when it is too bleak, I dream of a Knight (not night, hence the edit) in shining armour(with no chinks) for baby and I. Call it escapism but until I see the counsellor (thanks for the encouragement here, my family has been asking me to go as well) again (when he travels next month) it helps me through the day. <P>May take me another year before I take out those garters, body stockings, stilletoes, dog collar, <P>God Bless you<BR>weep<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited September 28, 2000).]