I have been struggling with the past in my marriage. My husband cheated on me. That was eight years ago according to him. Last year I was diagnosed with an STD. He is the only one I could have got this from. I am very resentful toward him for it and I question a lot of things on how and why I have it. He has told me that he has not cheated since we've been married. I try really hard to trust him, but these evil thoughts about him cheating haunt me. To top it off, I received an anonymous phone call the other day (most likely a prank) from someone who asked for my husband and then said to "let him know they called" and then hung up before I could respond. That phone call has been making my stomach turn - just thinking that he may be stepping out again. I think he knows how I feel about his infidelity, but we have never openly and thoroughly discussed how we feel about it, why he did it, the fact that I got this STD, etc. He clams up when I want to talk and says that I over analyze things. I need advice on how to approach him with this so that I can overcome this and grow with him. How do I explain how I feel without turning him away. How do I learn to trust him and forget and forgive? How do we accomplish growing together spiritually? I have prayed and I feel that is how this web site came to me. Eventhough prayer helps, I still need to counsel with someone about it. Please respond. Thank you.

Hi,<P>I am sorry to extend a welcome to a club nobody wants to belong to. But since we are here, we might as well accept that, and reach out to comfort and give suggestions to one another.<P>You need to seek counselling alone as well as with a marriage counsellor (could be a trained church pastor), and discuss the issues of trust, communications, aceptable boundaries of behaviour within the marriage. <P>Your H's reluctance to talk about that is quite normal for betrayers are afraid the truth will either break their marriage and/or hurt their spouse. Sometimes, their deep shame could be because they went to a prostitute or whore. Whatever the situation, your H has to know that you are willing to forgive if he goes to counselling with you and promise never to stray again.<P>There are some Plan A experts here, such as Lor, who have done tremendous to rebuild their marriages. (Sorry, I am not a Plan A type personality so I cannot preach too much about what I don't practice). But there was a good debate on Plan A sometime in September by Energiser_Bunny on "Sorry, but I don't think this stuff works". The thread and responses detailed the way some people use and see Plan A, and how the successful ones apply the concept.<P>I am reading 'Forgive and Forget - healing the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis B. Smedes. NSR has a list of recommended books he has kindly typed up in a thread. You can go under 'just found out' or 'general qs' and click Find, and type NSR and books.<P>Personally, I had a great deal of support from family, church and pastors, and therefore managed to come to some grips after a tormenting time. A recent healing ministry also helped to rid me of the emotional trauma. I also believed God led me to this site and I have been able to get a lot off my mind and chest.<P>I wish you God speed.<BR>God LOves You<BR>take care<BR>weep