Hello,<BR><p>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited November 17, 2000).]

Tessa,<P>I too wanted my H to move out right after discovery...and he did. I don't know if it was the right thing to do. He didn't want to work on the marriage, so it was really not my choice...he needs time.<P>Those that tell you that it's really tough to get them home after a move out are right. I guess I'll always wonder what would have been if I had managed to keep him home...in my case I don't think it would have helped, but I'll never know.<P>Can you take a few days and go somewhere alone? Just check into a hotel...bed and breakfast, anything...alone. See if this will be enough right now for your head to clear a bit. I know you're mad as hell at him right now, but you have a husband that wants to stay there and work on it, something many of us here would give anything for.<P>Even with my situation, a few nights at a local resort really helped clear my head and sort of got me revitalized. <P>Please give the moving out thing a lot of thought...do you really want your husband to have that much freedom? He is confused as it is right now. I, personally, would want him close at hand so I could keep an eye on him.<P>Good luck Tessa. This is so hard. You don't have to do his laundry right now or cook his meals. If you want to sit and read all day or get on these boards you have every right in the world to do so. I know you need some space, I know I did just after discovery...but remember, people change, every single day we are a little different, and tomorrow you may not feel this way.<P>allison

Tessa,<P>I think the potential is there for this to be a huge mistake. Whether or not it is will depend on the level of committment both of you have.<P>Keep this in mind- When you increase the space between you and your husband, you decrease the space between him and the other woman. It will definitely make it easier for her to get between you. Are you sure you want to take that chance?<P>My husband also confessed, and I told him to get out immediately. He also pleaded with me to stay and save our marriage. I finally agreed that he could stay, and IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE. If I had pushed him out because of the anger and hurt I felt, she would have been right there to catch him and look like the sympathic lover vs. me, the cold-hearted unforgiving wife.<P>The best thing for your child would be a loving home with two loving parents. It will take some time, but it is still possible to have that for your baby and for both of you.<P>I honestly believe that it is NEVER a good idea to make a life altering decision in the midst of this kind of hurt. It is impossible to think clearly when you have this kind of shock.<P>Please choose wisely.<P>Peppermint

az and peppermint,<BR><p>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited November 17, 2000).]

..<p>[This message has been edited by Hurting Badly (edited May 16, 2001).]

Leon,<BR><p>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited November 17, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tessa:<BR><B>Leon,<BR> I thought I wanted him to move out but after reading some more and hearing different perspectvies on the subject I have changed my mind. Thanks</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good for you, tess! I hope you have a nice weekend! <P>Leon

tessa,<P>You could both counsel with Jennifer Harley, she takes turns on the phone and sends the other one out for privacy.<P>She saved our marriage. I too wanted him out. Not good, and not just because of OW. I believe that facing the pain, having all those endless painful conversations, holding him when he missed her and cried...this was all part of our recovery.<P>It's an experiment, IF you could have a wonderful marriage, would you want it? You can keep him home, BUT NOT PRESSURE YOURSELF TO RECOMMIT. I am only now, having seen the results, ready to recommit (1 year later).<P>It is all in the perspective. I could enjoy sex with him (I deserved it!), and take things at my pace. Does this make sense??<P>Take care of yourself and feel free to TAKE in the marriage. TAKE what you want, follow the Harley rules because you want to...<P>PS - you can always throw him out tomorrow or next month, or next year! <p>[This message has been edited by schizzo (edited September 29, 2000).]

Tessa,<P>I agree with everyone else on this thread, please don't ask him to move out. It would be better if you took some R&R somewhere to clear your mind.<P>You have every right to feel what you feel, believe me I understand. But, please let those feelings settle before you make any major decision. <P>A lot of good advice on this one, please take them.<P>Blessings, MT<P>------------------<BR>True love cannot be found where it doesn't truly exist, <BR>nor can it be hidden where it truly is.

gfd<p>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited November 17, 2000).]

Tessa-<BR>I too feel that if I had not found this board, the way I would have handled all this would have made the situation much, much worse. It is wonderful to have all of the support and knowledge that can be found here.<P>I know too about trouble with consistency. Just try to stay focused- it does get easier with time.

Hi Tessa,<P>You sound much better in your last post. In answer to your question about talking to the other woman, yes. I have spoken to her several times, but only a few about the affair. She has NEVER once told me the truth or admitted that anything she did was wrong. She has tried to say that my husband pursued her and has even insinuated that he forced himself on her. She has been cruel, laughed, and taunted me.<P>If you think it will help your situation to talk to the other woman, you are probably wrong. Any cheating woman brazen enough to call YOUR HOME is not decent enough to be honest or regretful.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

BRAVO, PEPPERMINT!<BR>I did have the same feeling when I first found out about the affair, have him move out, then I thought that would just open the door right open to them for anything, why do I want to be that agreeable, to allow them free access to each other......<BR>You do sound like your doing better, remember to breath deeply and think things through clearly......eventually you'll do great! God Bless<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!