If you want to know my situation, please read bullets below. Right now, I'm trying to do Plan A before wife moves out in 5 weeks. Last night she decided to not come home. Was out and "inadvertently" had a few drinks, so called to say she wouldn't make it home (sent message late at night). Problem is, I had some idea that this was planned for 2 days, to be with OM. So in the morning kids wake up and wonder where mommy is. I'm getting so sad hearing my kids asking where their mommy is. It makes me so sad and sick in side. All I can say is she stayed at a friends house. She actually made a few calls leading up to staying out all night, but I could see it coming with each call...just phony lies and distortions. So, given she will not admit what has been going on with OM, and how resentful and angry I am at the level of lying, what do I do? Keep quiet about it, just Plan A, or tell her how sad it makes me for the kids, or tell her the kids will resent her if she keeps it up (not first time). I suppose Plan A would be to just accept it as part of fog? I'm probably a Plan B candidate soon, because this is all sickening to me. I guess I'm like anyone else in this situation on MB.<P>I just haven't divulged how I know so much. Emails, keystrokes, usual routine. I don't want to because it might spark legal battle over kids, money, etc. She would be really mad. Right now she is prepared to sign a reasonable separation agreement. But I'm moving closer to telling her what I know just to blow it all in the open because I can't stand the phony front and the lying.<P>I vented like this recently, and you managed to calm me down. Any comments? I was so angry this morning, but I'm felling a bit better now. Is my situation like anyone elses and hence just plan A it at least till she leaves?<P>Here is an important one. Should I ever say that the only way we could work this out is if she comes clean? Or just leave it be till fog clears, if it ever does.<P>-----------------------<BR>Skip this stuff if you know of my posts<BR>- May, she is fine, but going out alot....kind of strange<BR>- June, tells me our marriage is bad and no hope, says we are separated<BR>- July, gets own place but not available till November<BR>- OM is on scene in June and before, she had mentioned he was nice guy<BR>- July/Aug I realize she spends alot of time with him, lies to me alot<BR>- Sept, I discover proof that they have been intimate for 2 or more months<BR>- confronted, but not disclose all my sources (snoop software, email password, etc.)..denial mostly..but nasty stuff like "we shouldn't have been married" etc.<BR>- OM apparently is not a future for her...kids are a problem...but she is happy to continue because she is "in love, never felt this way before...". Of course, he is single and getting some from a beautiful married woman....why would he say no.<BR>- She still won't admint OM and her are more than friends...my only way to prove I know would be to show snoop data...which I haven't done yet....afraid it is big LB.<BR>- asked at work to start using maiden name on business cards<BR>- doesn't cook, clean, laundry, or see kids much anymore (big time fog I guess)<P>

Rick,<P>I think I may have posted something similar to you before...<BR>...but here goes anyway...<P>When you're in Plan A...<BR>...you <B>try</B> to meet those infamous <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>...<P>...<B>BUT</B>... there is no guarantee you can do it!!!<P>...if your spouse is spending you out of house and home...<BR>...if there is abuse...<BR>...if there is a threat of STDs...<BR>...if your emotions blow out a big LB...<P>...<B>YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO A <I>PURE</I> Plan A</B>...<P>...<B>That's OK</B>...<P>No human can to a 100% correct/pure Plan A...<BR>...but you <B>do your best</B>!<BR>...you know the ground rules!<BR>...when you know you're falling off the Plan A band wagon...<BR>......and you realize it.... STOP!<P>That was my intention of sub-points <B>M</B> and <B>N</B> in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>!<P>------------------<P>About your case...<P>5 weeks is a <B>very</B> short time...<BR>...<B>to prepare the kids</B>...<BR>...and by all means... it's time to prepare them!!!<P>Protection... financially... emotionally(for you and kids)... is NOT a LB!<P>Your quote...<BR>"Should I ever say that the only way we could work this out is if she comes clean?"...<BR><B>NO</B>... this is obvious... you don't need to say it!!!<BR>...you need to just do it... Plan A that is.<P> <P>Jim