The discussion in regards to men and lust. Comments were made about how often men think about sex, have fantasies etc..and that anyone could have an affair given the circumstances. Some ways that might avoid it were mentioned. Such as not putting yourself in a situation that makes it easy, knowing what you'd loose if you did have an affair etc... So, my question. If men are running around with this strong lust and constant desire is it a desire just to have sex and therefore as long as your spouse is willing your pretty well relieved? Or, is it more a desire to have sex with multiply women?

You guys are asking some very thought provoking questions. I have had this same discussion with friends of mine for years, we too have wondered why we(men) think and feel as we do. I have heard theories that men were not by nature meant to be with just one woman and that our sexual impulses and thoughts are proof of that. I have also heard theories that if ALL of our needs are met at home, we wouldn't desire other women.<P>I myself think that it falls somewhere in between. I believe that our natural urge is to be with multiple women, and I believe that is based upon our instincts to reproduce. I believe that it is our morals, beliefs and values that for the most part keeps that natural urge in check. I also believe that having sexual fullfillment at home assists in keeping that natural primalurge in check. <P>I also believe that women have the same primal urges, but that they are not as strong as they are in men because of our much higher levels of testostorone(sp?)

BonnieSept,<P>My guess is that it is a mixture of both. The basic drive is pretty independent of a specific woman. At closing time in a bar a lot of women can look really good. However, once attachments are made then it is different as FA said. I do think that someone who is satisfied at home is much less likely to go out an have an affair, but that sure isn't 100%. For some men the "conquest" is the total package.<P>You are not doubt aware of the opposite effect of the drive to procreate. I mean the arguement is that we are designed to perpetuate the species (specifically our genes) and any glance at most animals sure supports this idea. However, we (men) can never really know if we are the fathers (until DNA testing), so there is a counter force that says stay with your W and prevent other men from having access. <P>This latter factor is why some argue that men need marriage more than women. Actually, I have always felt that women need marriage for different reasons than men, but both need it for a stable and thriving civilization.<P>So to answer you question, my feeling is that the basic drive is pretty independent of a specific woman. However, once attachment comes a woman can certainly reduce the drive by satisfying her H.<P>How is that for a definite MAYBE? <P>JL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I also believe that women have the same primal urges<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If you're going to look at it as an anthropological thing, it is in a woman's best interest to keep men at bay and not let them close until she's sure that he is going to be a suitable mate. Women have fewer chances in a lifetime to reproduce than men do simply because of the gestation cycle. In order to ensure the survival of the species a woman's instinct would be to disallow the privilege of depositing his seed unless she has reasonable assurance that he will 1) produce viable offspring and 2) stick around to help feed and protect the child.<P>Therefore a man may be driven by primal urges to seek out many reproductive partners, but women are driven by their own instincts to do just the opposite. This could possibly help explain the disparity of libido between the sexes.

I thought that this was an interesting topic, so I'm bringing it back to the top.

Ok, I think what JL said made a lot of sense in regards to once the man is more attached to his spouse or maybe all of his needs are being met as far as sexually that he's less likely to stray. I remember years ago over a few drinks with a girlfriend she confided in me the fact that it was always her husbands fantasy to have a threesome so they tried getting together with another couple. She said her husband was excited for weeks before knowing they were going to do this but when they actually did all get together he couldn't become aroused. When it came right down to it, he really didn't want to be with another woman and he didn't want his wife with another man either. So, maybe a lot of it is just thoughts best left a fantasy and not lived out??