what do you do when your husband has done everything to ruin your marriage continues to do it and expects you to keep loving him?<P>while you die inside?

IMBC,<P>If he is willing, you should both get to a counselor! If not, you get counseling from one of the Harleys!<P>Sounds like he still wants to be married, but what kind of marriage is it? And do you want to remain married in the state that it is in? <BR> <BR>I'm sorry you're so unhappy, hope things go the way you want them to.<P>Blessings, MT<P>------------------<BR>True love cannot be found where it doesn't truly exist, <BR>nor can it be hidden where it truly is.

We have been in counseling for eight months after i totally could not take being ignored and treated like i didn't matter we have been married for 13 years and i lost myself trying to keep our family togeather while he treated it with such disregard affair after affair all the while i was surpose to keep loving him and giving him all of me .and still even after he said his eyes were open to what he has done and begged me to love him again yesterday i found out he was seeing a new someone .<BR>i told him i wanted a divorce and he said no i will never let you go , he expects me even now to hug and kiss him and continue to except what he calls a marriage why does he think he has the right to keep me from true happiness and a real love ? all i ever wanted was his love and the most important thing to me is security and trust and i can never trust him again i know i can not have our sex life back the way it was cause i am afraid of where its been I know its over i can not continue this way ,but he won't let go and says if i want to end it i am breaking up our family . what did i do ?

Hi IMBC:<P>Well we seem to have the same problem. See my post under "Resilent,anyone...broke a Cardinal Rule! Wish I had an answer for you but I don't. <P>I feel like I can fight a single OW but not a series of them. Like you I don't know what to do. <P>Deep in the recesses of my heart I know I have to let go and let him deal with his choices but it's really hard, isn't it.<P>Has your H responded to counseling? I just wondered if this was helping. I couldn't get my H to go...he doesn't think there's anything wrong with his attitude.<P>The only comfort I can give you is that someday this will all be in the past and you'll be happy again. I know I will.<P><BR>Faye<P>

WOW that was scary (just read it) i guess it happens all the time , sad . our councelor sided with him for the most part saying its his italian way of thinking and i need to put it behind me and then she had the nerve to say it was the fact that i am becoming more independent and don't need him anymore . <BR>hello i have been trying to get self reliant because he is going to continue to do it and i am taking back control of my life i have three children to think about . He has a problem he knows it , but doesn't know how to stop himself he is a natural flirt and takes things to far he just went to talk to a priest and someone other then me told him he was wrong and that he feels i have had enough, and he has to except the fact that he will lose me .on the flip side i am alone i could never have any friends and god forbid if i even talked to another man . i feel like i am in a prison that i can't escape from i love him yes and always will , you can love a person who is no good for you ,thats why there is divorce which i swore i would never do being catholic i did not believe in it but i have no choice i have to be strong for me and my children now <BR>thanks for being here , i will let you know what happens next .<P>IMBC<BR>

Hi IMBC:<P>Just a thought about what counselor told you about your getting stronger and not needing him. You know my H has said the same thing to me. That while he was busy working I was managing and it got to the point where all he was needed for was to earn a living.<BR>So he found someone who needed him (boy, does she need somebody...because she such a mess). <P>If you feel you can divorce him then perhaps you could try to give him more attention and find ways to need him in some way. This is just important to some H. <P>It's hard when they don't see any problem with other women while having a wife. Some really good people did the same (JFK, for example...and look at the wife he had). This was a legacy from his father. Mine doesn't have that kind of legacy...he is just doing it. At least your H has a legacy being Italian, but I really just think that is an excuse not a reason.<P>Has you H done this all along or is this just recent behavior? I wonder because this could be evolved behavior that can be changed, not a deeply rooted belief.<P>It's a different problem then just going off with OW, isn't it.<P>I'll be thinking about you and wondering what you decided to do. Keep posting.<P>Faye

YES we started dating when i was fifthteen he did it then while we were dating after we were married and still today, i blame some of it on me i aloud it, i put up with it , i was young and afraid of losing him because i loved him so much . about three years ago he had an affair that i found out about though my 10 year old daughter which devestated me he blamed it on me because i was working (Which he insisted i do ) i told him how much it hurt me worse then ever because at that time we had more time togeather he had changed jobs which gave him more time at home i was begging for him to want to be with me and make time for us he said he would and never did but he had time for this other women even after telling him if things didn't change we would not have a marriage, it still had no affect .I just don't get it, to me a marriage is sharing a life togeather and all he gave me was the minimum required while i gave everything i had . i gave till i was empty . i have nothing left he says i am cold but doesn't seem to understand that he is the one who made me this way . i had to take my heart back and i know i can never open it up to him ever again<BR>because that would kill me .<P>i am a very attractive women and i am a great person to be with have fun with and i would do anything for anyone . none of our friends understand it they all think he is a fool i think his problem stems from insecurity in himself but it is just that his problem i have tried for thirteen years to fix our marriage but i can't fix what is inside him, i only know that i am in desperate need for some real honest love. I deserve it and want it and need it and he will never be able to give that to me because he will never change. <P>He seems to think that our love just died,<BR>but it was slowly poisoned.<BR> <BR>IMBC Thanks