Hi there,<BR>I haven't posted or responded for a while. I've been extremely busy and nest 2 weeks will be totally crazy, because I'm treating myself for some trips .<P>Like I wrote on the title I don't think about H much now. When I think about H(or let's say some memories come to my head), those are all bad memories and I get mad.<P>Does it mean I'm losing a love for him and I'm almost ready to move on? If so I like that. I enjoy my life alot and it's a little sad H isn't in my life but I can live with it.<P>H said he would be back on Oct 8 but around that time I will be busy and rarely home so probably I won't be able to see him(HAHAHA ).<BR>He's supposed to start a divorce procedure but I really doubt he will do it sooner. I will wait for a whil and if I don't see any action from him I will do it.. then I will lose ANY respect for him.<P>Is there someone feeling like this?<BR>Thanks,<P>Meg

Hi MF,<P>I wish I was feeling like that. I guess you're just further along in the process than I am. Do you have kids with your husband?<P>I fight with myself about being the one that files too. I don't want to, because I still have a glimmer of hope that H will come out of this, and he has said he is not thinking divorce, but jeez, it would feel good to make that stand and shock the hell out of him...he has also told me though, that the minute I call an atty I declare World War III. Scary, huh. He needs to control all of this, needs to be in charge, but I have no idea what our investments or anything are...none!<P>I'm proud of the progress you've made. Is life OK without him around? Do you still miss him every day? Are you scared of being single? Did you, or are you now in Plan B? I guess it feels better for you to have him out of your life, but do you still hope?<P>Sorry, lots of questions from me today, but I'm having a hard time. (check my reply to Resilient's thread from today, and you'll see why.)<P>Wish I was a drinker <P>allison

Meg,<BR>I am maybe getting to that point too, Where I have very little hope that he will even contact me again, let alone come back home. I find myself trying to distance myself from him and think about what was wrong with our marriage and him. <P>I think I have spent so much time trying to figure out what I did wrong, and what I could do to influence him and what I needed to work on that I was in a fog too. The one where our marriage used to be pretty good and if only he would stop seeing OW we could have that again. But now I have stepped back, and see that our relationship had some of these dynamics for a long time, and they might be impossible to overcome. For sure they are without work on both our parts.<BR>I do miss him every day, but in a more distant way sometimes. I have my plan B letter, but whats the point of giving it too him if he doesn't contact me?<BR>It makes me mad to think of filing for divorce too. But I think we might have to do it if we end up wanting one. I know it will be a fight for us as well cause he has said I am not touching his 401K, well...<BR>Allison can you start trying to find out some of your financial info? I hate to think of you not having that information if it comes to divorce.<P>And what do you mean you don't drink, what about those famous pina colodas you are promising?<P>Lora

Whoops...I'm busted <P>My Pina Coladas are, I must admit, from a mix...I really shouldn't be bragging about them...but hey, if you stick a slice of pineapple on the glass they look pretty good.<P>Hmmmm. maybe I should mix up a batch. I can't say that I don't drink, but I'm not good at it...I get stupid.<P>I'm going to have to find a way to ask H about our financial situation. I don't know why I'm so scared about this, it just feels like a really divorced thing to be doing. I always thought our investments were for us, to someday retire on...now I have to think about splitting them...as someone else said, it's just too real for now. I guess I'll know when the time comes.<P>I know my H too will balk at the 401k thing. I am afraid he might be hiding things now though, and as he is a stock broker, and financial planner I may be in trouble here. It's not like we have tons of money, but I just don't know what's there.<P>Ok, enough of my probs...it's a beautiful day and my kid is alive and well after a nasty car accident last nite. Yep, time to count my blessings (instead of my $ ???)<P>allison

Hi Allison,<P>No we don't have kids.. just a cat . I guess it's much easier to detach from H when there're no kids.<P>The reason I feel he should file is because that's I see as him taking responsibilities. But I don't know if he would do because there's nothing different either being married or not.. he would do whatever he wants to do. But for me if we get divorced I don't have any rights to say about his doings legally and I think it's good to have some kind of a "stopper".<P>My life will be much better without him I think. It's true we had great things together(I seem not to remember nowadays ), but If we are not in touch I totally detach myself from him and do whatever I want to(Not affaris!) and it's fun. I don't miss him anymore and I'm not scared of being single either. I think it will be maybe exciting?? The bad news is when somebody tries to hit on me I used to say I'm married but I don't have that excuse and I don't like to lie . What can I do????<P>No I'm not in Plan B, but since we are not in touch it's kinda Plan B. Soon we have to meet or talk about a divorce and maybe my emotion get stirred when that happens.<BR>I don't hope about H coming back. Lately I realized he just need to grow up and after 7 months from d-day he hasn't changed and I'm tired of hoping he will deal with his problems and gets better. Because he keeps saying he has a hope but he just keeps hoping and doesn't do anything to get better.<P>Allison, sorry about the accident. it's good your son didn't get hurt. I think you are so strong you don't tell your kids about your H having an affair.. Do they ask this because they feel your H changed? Sooner or Later they will find out about it and when that happens I wonder how their relationships with their dad changes.<P>Hope you are feeling better now .<P>Lora,<P>Is it a couple of weeks now since your h moved out? I really think he will eventually contacts you. everybody has different time of dealing with things and who knows, when he's ready to work things out maybe you don't want it anymore.<P>We won't have any trouble about paper work for a divorce because my H doesn't have any money, he has some valuable things(music instruments) well I don't want them and when he moved out he left many things. I have some savings but it's not alot and these are made after him moving out and he can't touch.<BR>Sometimes it's good not to have money! <P>Lora, when your H moved out what did he say? did he tell you he loved you or he would miss you that kind of things? I just wonder..<P>Thanks both of you.<P>Meg

Meg,<P>LOL LOL LOL. ah, no. When my H moved out he said pretty much nothing. I was the one who said I loved him and would miss him and he said , we'll see what happens. Is this a man who doesn't want to take control or what? Is he waiting for a sign from above? Maaybe one of those Darn country music songs he listens to will speak to him. What I see is happening is that I am loosing my love for him and learning to live on my own.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>What are you laughing so much? <P>From your post I felt you have lots of strength within you. I know you are going to be totally fine soon. Good thing is we all learned alot of things from these sad experiences and either with our spouses or new person we will have much better things..<P>I don't know much about country music.. they usually sing about broken love or something??<BR>I'm not sure but your H is waiting for someone to solve his problems??<P>How are your cats doing? <P>Meg

Hi Meg,<P>I went to bed so missed your last post last night.<BR>Yes, my H changed his taste in music with his affair and now listens to country songs about soulmates and intense love andlost love. There are quite a few about cheaters too, so maybe once hthe fog starts to lift he will hear something that makes hm think.<P>My cat is fine, she seems to need a little more attention from me, is always walking back and forth in front of the computer or sitting on my lap.<P>Somedays I feel strong and sometimes I don't. When I go to counseling I let it all out and cry for the hour that I am there. I will get better tho!<BR>Lora