Come on Jo, hit me with your best shot! Fire away!!!<P>I can't wait for you to get back on and talk to us!!!<P>I can't stay, got to pick up munchkin #4 from football practice!!! I'll be back later though.<P>Cathy

My point is--if I had tried to talk dirty to my husband, we would not have liked to hear it from me.<P>When we got back together (before I found out about the affair) I was pretty heavy--I was in good shape because I had been weightlifting and running--but still fat. I told my hubby as we were playing around in the bedroom that as soon as I got skinny again, we could make a movie of ourselves. I was joking, just being silly. He looked at me with incredulously, like "Where in the world did you get a crazy idea like this?"<P>Little did I know that he was a real movie buff. I don't want to go into details, really, I don't want to think about some of the things that I saw. Hmmmm.<P>If he could do this with some scuzzbucket, and expect me to be a wholesome little mommy, it really says something about himself.

Nothing wrong with a little dirty talk once in a while for variety. It's definately sets a different kind of fun, naughty mood.<P>But when you HAVE to do it -- I'd say watch out. <P>It has a way distancing you and your H away from intimacy. It sets a focus not so much on eachother but on your body parts. It "reduces" and objectifies both of you. <P>Nothing wrong if you are able to be intimate at other times, too. Don't let what I'm saying spoil it for you if you are able to be close to eachother! Their are a million ways to make love and you shouldn't <I>avoid</I> this just because of these facts. I think marriage is the <B>only</B> place dirty talk should be allowed! <P>But I think alot of OW consistently utilize it as a tool and a sad substitute for intimacy with MM, Hookers can't go to work without it, and that's how 1-900 numbers make their millions! It creates an air of naughtiness and excitement. Kind of like pornography for the ears. And there is a danger of addiction to both, I believe. Just because the person involved in it either avoids intimacy, doesn't know how to be intimate with someone or just doesn't want to deal with all that intimacy involves (they're "lazy"!) <P>Dirty talk kind of smacks of quickie, uninvolved sex. <P>Once again, nothing wrong with married quickies! They're fun. But would you want ONLY quickies? Heck, no!<P>Just as I wouldn't always want to have ONLY intimate soul-to-soul lovemaking--it just wouldn't have that ZOW! that it has if I had it all the time. You know the one, girls. The times when you're hands are linked together and you're looking deeply into eachothers eyes and not saying a word but are so connected. <P>No dirty phrase in the book can top that one!<P>Aloha, <P>L<P><BR>

well it is my turn to answer both of these very thought provoking topics....<P>about the dirty talk i believe as many of you have suggested that sex/love making can be done in so many different ways and that is what makes it last. i used to be so boring in the bedroom because i put my kids first and had nothing left for my marriage, and definately no energy for sex.<P>as a result i nearly lost my H to a chat room chick who became a real life chick to him. <P>my H loves dirty talk in the bedroom only, too and he has taught me how he likes it done. i like it too, but it has its place in the bedroom, and inside a marriage, not with other people. now that we are back on track, and i have made a few readjustments...our marriage now comes first...<P>i made a decision that i would never say "no" to him in the bedroom. i mean that i never refuse a reasonable request, and i think this has really helped our sex life. our problem was that it was never frequent enough for him, and that i was always saying "no" when he wanted to experiment, and we ended up with only boring quickies. i think too that to want to experiment and talk dirty, you need to feel close to your partner, and to feel that the marriage is reasonably solid...i did not feel these things.<P>my husband went on the net because i neglected his EN's but i don't take all the blame, his depression drove me away, and he neglected my EN's too. anyway, on the net in chat rooms he flirts with these women (who mind you are all having marriage problems like us)and he says to me that they meet very improtant needs for him...they laugh at his jokes, and they say he is good looking and they all get turned on by his flirting. ok he is depressed and taking zoloft, and seeing a counsellor, but it is all about him and his ego. ever since his 30th birthday in july things have just escalated into disaster for us. <P>he thinks he is old, fat, ugly, boring etc etc, i think he is young, just the right size, extremely handsome (mel gibson, brad pitt league) and very funny, intelligent, passionate and exciting. his flaws (which i never judged him for, and i am not perfect either) are never finishing anything he starts, and being a possessive, selfish ego maniac. but i always tried to ignore these flaws and praise him for his good qualities. he says he believes that i believe what i am saying, but that i am not objective. i can't win.<P>i am suddenly confused, and don't know where this is all leading, but i will say that my hubby is one of those men, products of a society which is crushing its men, and robbing them of an identity.<P>i believe in the family thing too, and one partner for life, and i believe in that kind of love that someone mentioned way back in this thread...that slow comfortable background noise love thingy. my H wants to be passionately in love, and i fear for him having such unrealistic expectations.<P>anyway i have said enough. i am starting a new thread regarding internet affairs if anyone is interested? i really need some support in this issue.<P>thanks for listening,<BR>the girl from OZ, steph.

My H does not swear, curse or use any profanity of any kind, ever.<P>Once I think I said "s**** me" and he was taken aback.<P>catnip's description of her H's face was about the same.<P>In fact if I talk about sex, using proper words, outside the bedroom he blushes.<P>During sex, I make a whole lot more noise than he does. He is totally silent. I have told him I would like to hear some nice sweet talk during sex...or sex talk. Don't see it ever happening.<P>Ironically, he met his OW in a bar and she was a bartender.<P>He said that it surprised him and turned him off when he learned she drank too much, made a habit of having sex with married men, smoked AND (gasp) had a potty mouth (his word). Amazing!<BR>

My feeling is that there is a time and place for everything. I wouldn't find it to be a turn on if my wife talked like a sailor all the time, but if we were having sex or if she was trying to seduce me, it would be a great turn on. I guess I'm from the "Old School", I want my wife to be a Lady out in public, but in private, I want a "freak"

Nothing like whispering suggestions to your H what you plan on doing later on with him or what you would like to do or what you enjoyed doing. Grabbing his butt or his p***s occasionally is cool. But, I think we are a long way off from that. <P>

Leilana:<P>You crack me up. You made me think of one of my favorite cult films; "Love at First Bite" with George Hamilton.<P>Susan St. James offers George a 'quickie'.<P>George looks into Susan's eyes and growls, "With you, never a quickie, only a longie."<P>Hilarious film. <P>Catnip =^^=<P>