Hi everyone,<P> It's been so long since I've posted, but not much had changed and I'd achieved a level of peace--or at least settled in to life on the roller coaster. Now I need your help with a decision I must make very soon...<P> A little background: We've been married 9 years. H has had 2-yr A w/OW, we've been separated 7 mos. D-day was 9 mos. ago when he informed me OW was pregnant. However, she "lost the baby" (miscarriage or abortion? I don't know) Our 2 small children and I moved 4 hrs away from where he lives and works when he refused to give up OW. He moved in with her 5 mos ago, moved out a few weeks ago, saying he wants to get our family back together. <P> I've been practicing a combination of Plan A and "tough love" (fancy footwork at times)--H is very attached to the kids, comes to visit nearly every weekend. Which is the primary reason he has decided he wants us back -- it's not because he wants ME. There has been no physical contact for more than a year now--no "I love you" no hand-holding, kissing, etc. Only an occasional "good-bye" hug (So opposite from his behavior before OW). <P> He still has strong feelings for OW, but<BR>just can't abandon his family. Still feels very guilty for messing up her life and making promises he can't keep. She's tired of waiting for him to dump me. <P> He says he would not ask us to come back if he didn't intend to establish "no contact" w/OW. Just wouldn't do that to me. Wants to do the "right thing" and give the kids a real family life. Our marital relationship will take some time, he says.<P> SOunds good, but I have little reason to believe a word he says. He's lied for so long, put me through the meatgrinder and crushed my heart. I've made his favorite meals and smiled through weekends when I knew he was returning to her bed. But at least, with the distance, it hasn't been in my face every day.<P> I'm scared stiff. Do I uproot my kids again, take the risk? Is there a better chance of things working out if we're together? Or should I wait until I'm sure he's severed all ties with OW? I know they at least talk on the phone occasionally--he says he still has some "loose ends" with her... They live in the same area, but don't work together. <P> I do know my love bank is dangerously depleted. I've been completely faithful, but now I'm starting to look back when other men look at me....2 or 3 years is a long time.<P> Thanks for any comments or advice....

Camryn,<P>I would recommend that you(yourself) have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>Get the low-down on the Harley's opinion of whether it's time for Plan B or not.<P>Additionally, if your H can get some of that same counseling, they may be able to determine his true commitment.<P>When your so close to your own situation, you can't always assess the facts clearly.<P>Words are one thing...<BR>Actions (of separation) are completely different!<P> <P>Jim