Hi everyone,<P>This weekend, H said he didn't want to see our therapist anymore, as he's not into it. It has been hard and I admit, I feel further apart than when we started. There were a few times when we felt movement to getting close again. He is willing to just try things on our own, but without knowing what to do...I'm so afraid of doing something wrong. He says he seldom sees OW, seems to be downgraded to an EA. But, he still feels a lot of pressure in deciding what to do.<P>He still does not live at home and his rent lease terminates at the end of the month. I was hoping that he would move home and work on things. But, I don't want him there if he isn't ready...that would be worse. <P>Any suggestions, exercises, activities to try on our own? I've seen some 10-step, 12-step, etc., stuff to a healthier relationship. Anyone try any of those and did it help your situation?<P>I need your help and prayers! Many Tears<P><BR> <P>------------------<BR>True love cannot be found where it doesn't truly exist, <BR>nor can it be hidden where it truly is.

MT--<P>So sorry. <P>Do you have Surviving an Affair, yet? You're on a Harley board - have you read any of his books?<P>I've made a phone counseling appt. with Steve Harley for myself. But you'll have to read the basic concepts (go to this website's homepage to find them) first if you do this as well. <P>Let me know if you have trouble finding any information.<P>L

Howzit Leilana,<P>Thanks for writing. Yes, I have most of Harley's books and ordered SAA. Also, purchased other books regarding our situation.<P>I am familiar with the Harley concepts. Perhaps it's time to counsel with one of the Harley's. <P>Thanks for caring! Mahalo, MT<P>

Many Tears,<BR>Outside of counseling I think the best things we've been doing to reconnect are spending the 15 hours a week as a couple. We don't always manage to be without the kids, or alone, but nevertheless we do more things together. The other thing is to know the other person's priority needs and work to meet them...and find a gentle way to ask to get your needs met if the other isn't doing it.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

MT - Lor is absolutely right. Spending time together is probably one of the most therapeutic things the two of you can do. My H also gave up on counseling (simply because our first 2 were a waste of time and money). We're now spending 15 hours a week together, and other than my "moods" (I have about one day every couple of weeks where I just need to VENT and feel sorry for myself), we're doing well. I think that one of the keys is making new, GOOD memories to help fade the pain of the old ones.<P>Also, me counseling with Jennifer has helped a lot. I feel like I have direction now, I have a plan that gives my marriage a fighting chance. Keep your head up, and keep working!

Lor and CB,<P>Thanks so much for caring to write back! I have taken your words to heart! We do have to reconnect and I like the suggestion of building NEW, GOOD memories to help fade the pain of the old ones.<P>Thank you my friends, I needed this!<P>Much love and Blessings, MT<P>------------------<BR>True love cannot be found where it doesn't truly exist, <BR>nor can it be hidden where it truly is.