I'm mad, I'm hurt, I'm upset, and I'm am ready to say "forget it." I said a couple of days ago that my H's balance in my love bank was down to $1.65 - now it's in major overdraft, and I want to charge his account off.<P>If y'all remember, my H promised me that he would give me all of his paycheck except $100 when we were separated so that I could make the house payment. Well, he deposited $300 into my account. He does NOT make $400 every two weeks. He said that they shorted his pay, so I ended up taking out $550 in loans to pay my mortgage. Well, yesterday I found his paycheck stub for that week in his truck - $750! So basically, the $#!t hit the fan between he and I. That makes $600 that he spent in one week - he HAD no bills, nothing, just gas. I made the remark, "so where did all of that money go? Your son and I didn't see it? Did you slaughter a herd of cows to make your fat @$$ girlfriend a miniskirt?"<P>We fought, he went to school, I went out to the malls. He came home, I came home late, we continued to fight. He says he didn't sleep with the fat bit*h (yeah right, he spent the night over there TWICE!!!), he just "came close." I said, "please! I know you - once you get a h*rd on, you don't stop! And that chinless banshee (Thanks Weep! ) hasn't gotten laid since the Dead Sea was only Sick!"<P>We kept fighting about it, and I finally asked him what the hell he was thinking. He is a good-looking guy - why in the world would he go after a fat pig like Janine? He then says "You are a very beautiful woman CB, but you are very UGLY on the inside, and that's our problem." He went on to say that I'm "insecure" and that's why I felt the need to mock her weight. I defended myself by saying I wasn't just mocking her weight - I was also mocking her face, her stringy hair, the cottage cheese rolling off of her legs and @$$. I told him that I was calling a spade a spade - he has a lot of nerve calling me shallow because of it. He could only go off of her looks in his "attraction" - hell, he only knew her a few days, so he wasn't judging her by her personality! And the woman looks like she has been hit by an 18-wheeler! I am sorry, but that is a slap in the face to me! I work my @$$ off to stay in shape and take care of myself, not only for myself but for him, and he goes off with a woman like that. He knew her for 3 days before he did whatever with her, so it wasn't like there was some deep soul connection, it wasn't like he knew her - the only thing he knew was that she was fat, ugly, and desperate to get laid. And he's saying that I'm shallow.<P>I will call a spade a spade. If he had known this woman for a long time, then I wouldn't slam on his Loseritis judgment so much, but he didn't. He knew her name, that she was a fat, disgusting pig, and that she wanted to f**k, that's it. And I have lost the little bit of respect that I had for him because of that. The woman lives in a joke of an apartment in a bad part of town behind a BAR, I mean COME ON!!! I'm frustrated, I'm angry, and I'm hurt. I ended up sleeping on the couch last night because I couldn't stand being near him. It's like his ego is more important than his marriage. Instead of saying that he f'ed up, he justifies his actions and defends these ugly broads. If he would say, "Yes, CB, I was an idiot for hurting you. I was desperate over the thought of losing you, that's why I was with her, but Janine is nothing compared to you. You are way more beautiful/smart/funny/hardworking/loving, etc. than she is. Now that I have you back, I will treasure you and love you the way I should have from the beginning." Something along those lines, but no, his ego is more important. Lying is easier for the chickensh!t. I don't know what to do, but the vent has helped. I've just about had it!<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Carolina Belle:<BR><B><BR> <BR>I made the remark, "so where did all of that money go? <P>Did you slaughter a herd of cows to make your fat @$$ girlfriend a miniskirt?"<P>And that chinless banshee hasn't gotten laid since the Dead Sea was only Sick!"<P>I defended myself by saying I wasn't just mocking her weight - <P>I was also mocking her face, her stringy hair, the cottage cheese rolling off of her legs and <P>I wouldn't slam on his Loseritis judgment so much<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>ROTFLMAO.............<P>I had to wipe the screen clean after my cola spewed all over my monitor.....from my nose!!!!!!!<P>I haven't had such a good laugh in a long, long, long time....<P>since the dead sea was only sick....bbbwaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaa<P>where do you get these??.....is there a course I can take?...do you teach this??..sign me up.....<P>oh gosh......too funny.....<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

I am by no means saying that your anger isn't justified but while your walking around with that much disgust and pain there is no way you'll make it. The thing is, when your bitter and angry at a person the ugly "inside" of you can't help but come out. I've been in that situation before and it isn't pretty. Is there any way at all that the two of you could seperate from each other for awhile? I've been unble to follow your entire story but I really think staying away from each other would be the best way to in the long run save your marriage. He's letting you down. He's not taking care of his family financially and he's not working very hard on making your marriage work. Your getting more and more bitter and angry as time goes on which is probably really making him feel like your inside is ugly. My ex to others would be considered a nice looking man. But because he's so "ugly" on the inside that's all I see when I see him.

CB,<BR> I know what H said to you has hurt you deeply and I am very sorry for the pain it is causing you, but hon, you need to stop for a minute and look at what H is REALLY trying to tell you.<P>Affairs are most often not about looks OR money,they are about something much, much deeper. This has nothing to do with you being beautiful or her being atrocious,it is a matter of the heart and H is being HONEST and trying to get something across to you.<BR>The money you make, the beauty you possess, the gorgeous beach front home you bought and own are all transient things of the world and do not bring lasting happiness.Could it be he is trying to get you to see just that in his choice of whom he picked to have an affair with? <P>You are young and I remeber when I was your age, I too thought all of the things you are striving after and putting energy into were the most important things in the world to be concerned with,but H is a bit older than you,no? He's getting to the a point in his life where things and beauty only go so deep hon.He also might be feeling a bit unsure in his own self after you have done so much financially and he might be feeling inferior or as if he can't compete. My H had a problem for many years that I made more money than he did,until of course after a number of years his income exceeded mine.That is a big deal to a man.They find most of their worth in their jobs. <P>I know you are hurt,but please try to find the real meaning behind his words. He's trying to give you some idea of what is really important to him,now you have to calm down and listen to him if you really want to save this marriage.How about counseling for the two of you,is he open to that? It's hard sometimes for a man to get at the bottom of what is causing them to stray. I am sure he doesn't want to lose you or your precious son,but he's not getting something he desperately needs and you need to find out what that is, by listening to him and then working to give it to him, if things are to work out. Look beyond his words CB,into his heart and soul. It's hard to do when you're hurting,but you're a strong woman! Hang in there and God bless you!

Carolina Belle,<P>After all the time you have spent on this site, I'm sure nobody has to tell you about lovebusters. And girl, these are definitely LOVEBUSTERS!<P>HOWEVER, I have to agree with Dylan. They are prize-winning lovebusters!! I thought that I had been somewhat harsh until I read your comebacks. You are hilarious!!<P>But I'm sure you noticed that all these comments did was allow your husband to defend the other woman. That makes him take her side and strengthens his tie to her.<P>I understand your point. You want to make some sense of the choice he made. You know logically that you are superior to the other woman in nearly every way, but your husband still chose to be with her. I felt the same confusion for a long time.<P>It comes down to this- There is NOTHING logical or sensible about adultery. It defies reason, and anyone who becomes involved in it is not in their right mind. It was very hard for me to accept for a long time, but my (temporarily) idiotic husband did not know why he was doing this stupid thing.<P>Now that he if finally out of the "fog", he is ashamed, regretful, sad, angry, etc. The person who did those sleazy, disgusting things is not the man I knew, nor the one that I am starting to see again.<P>When I first came to this site a year ago this week, one of the posts that I read was about how trashy the OWs were. Finally someone responded and asked "IF the other woman is trash, what does that make the cheating husband?" He is certainly no better, and maybe even worse. But that doesn't mean that he was always that way, nor that he cannot get better.<P>When your husband comes to his senses he will realize that all those things you want him to say are true. Plan A is supposed to help you and to encourage him to see you for what you are in comparison to the other woman. I haven't been very good at plan A, fortunately for me the other woman showed herself for what she is without any help from me.<P>Belle, sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and not say those things to your husband. But feel free to tell them to us, we LOVE hearing this kind of thing about the other woman!!!<P>Peppermint

Hi CB -<P>One question:<P>If she was gorgeous, you would feel better?<P>It's not about her.....it's about you and H....remember that!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Hi CB:<P>God's sometimes gives us gifts that we very much take for granted in life. Not all of us have equal gifts, however, and where we excel in one area we sometimes faulter in others. Where we are lacking is the area where we most need to concentrate our efforts at improvement. <P>In his own stupid, foggy way I think that is all your H was trying to say. You are a beautiful woman...but that's not enough....at least for him....and that's a good thing. <P>Things come so easily to beautiful people...and don't think I saying this because I'm jealous...I too am considered a beautiful woman. But my H says I'm not affectionate enough...really just not physical enough...not enough touching and stroking....to met his needs. <P>When he chose an ugly, lower class woman to have his affair with, I had the same thoughts you've had...."Is he out of his mind? She's ugly!! She's trasy!!" ...but you know what...being ugly she has learned what to give a man to get him to do anything she wants...the right man of course. And if he's getting his needs met by her, then he'll overlook all the rest...at least for a while. <P>So I had to step back and ask myself "Hey, what was my H missing in our relationship that is being supplied in OW and H's relationship." Well, it evidently wasnt't the need for an attractive wife.<P>There are, of course, other things that are as important in life as having your ego stroked and eventually he will see this, but for now, it feels good and he's going to do it. <P>That's the beauty of Plan A. While he's off in la..la land, I can work on the areas of our relationship where I've lacking, until such time as he decides that what he's getting from OW is not that special, and, seeing the efforts I've made to change, believes there is a chance that our relationship can be revitalized.<P>Now, I understand the LB....Early on I did the same thing....but it's kinda of self-defeating because it reinforces H's idea that underneath that beautiful exterior is an unfeeling, unsympathic, vindictive B***h, incapable of giving him what he needs.<BR>You need to start showing him you are beautiful inside and out. And there's no way to do this but by expressing the love and affection you feel for him...and suppressing your urges to take his head off. <P>Forget about OW, she's not the problem...ugly, fat, stupid or as beautiful as Tira Banks...the real problem is between you and your H and only the two of you can solve it.<P>By the way, your responses are classics...you really think fast on your feet...another one of your assets, huh?<P>I also think you have a valid reason to be angry with him about the shorted check...but you turned that into a general complaint session on affair and OW and probably acheived nothing at all. Doesn't really help your pocketbook does it? <P>Next time, come here and rant all you like...we understand and we certainly agree that...to paraphase something I read this morning in the newspaper:<P> "(WS???)..are scum.....Excuse me. For a second there I was feeling generous."<P>Faye<p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited October 05, 2000).]

Soulloss – Honestly, I don’t know where my “colorful debating” skills come from! I was a pro-wrestler for a couple of years, maybe that had something to do with it! I think that may be why my H avoids arguments with me in public places…<P>One of my faves from Jennifer Aniston that I screamed out when he was with the first OW in a bar was “And just so you know, it is NOT that common, it DOESN’T happen to every guy, and IT DOES MATTER!!! If you want to sleep with Jabba over there, that’s fine – you can waste 30 seconds of HER time instead of mine!” The ways I get myself into trouble!<P>BonnieSept – Really, blowups like last night are once in a blue moon. I’ll come in HERE and do a major vent-fest, but I try not to let my H see it. I’ve always been a blunt person, and while it means I’m honest, it’s gotten me into trouble, also. We separated from one week after his spree while I was in Dallas (I honestly couldn’t say whether he slept with anyone, I’ve heard both sides, but he was with other women and he lied to me about it. That’s where my big problem has been). That’s when he started seeing this Janine woman – I mean, he only knew her for a few days before he got involved with her. And I know him, the only reason he DID get with her is because he CANNOT be alone! He has never been alone, and he CAN’T be alone. We were even more miserable when we separated though, and we are doing better than we were before – the problem comes because I’m still constantly learning new events that happened while I was on my trip a month ago and the week that we were separated. It should calm down soon.<P>Mthrrhbard – I can’t believe a word that he says because he has lied SO MUCH. That’s our problem. If he had been honest, things would be better. I have had to bust him for everything that he has done – he has never owned up to ANYTHING! It’s like he feels that “it ain’t cheating until you get caught.” He threw me a bone by saying “I ALMOST slept with Janine.” – I’m sorry, I know him too well. He would not have stopped, and neither would she. He has slipped up a couple of times, also, that’s how I know that they did. But again, he doesn’t own up to it. <P>He’s also very spoiled – he acts like he’s ungrateful for what we have. We have so many things that we have worked hard for (considering that 2 years ago we were living out of cheap motel rooms driving only a beat up 1979 Ford Mustang between the two of us.), but now it’s not good enough because he wants a boat. I wish he would appreciate all of it instead of taking it for granted! His “more, more, more” spoiled attitude shows me that he is more materialistic than I ever thought about being. He’s just playing the “those are only material things” card to satisfy his ego. I guarantee you that he would die before he would have brought this woman home to his mama, or taken her out in public (other than dive bars & cheap restaurants). I wish that he were the evolved person that you suggested, mthrrbard! <P>I used to make more $ than him, plus I got a relatively large inheritance when my father died (which was how we afforded all of these things). What’s mine is his, but if he’s ungrateful for what he has and just wants more, he doesn’t deserve any of it.<P><BR>My H has been to counseling, but he refuses to do any more. He is so closed off, he won’t open up to anybody – he never has. In ways I feel like I don’t know the man, even though he’s been a part of my life for the past 4 years.<P>Thank you for the encouragement – I’ll work as hard as humanly possible!<P>Peppermint – He had better not still have a tie to pre-facelift and weight loss Roseanne Barr wannabe! I think that his fog is like the kind you see in all of the Cheech and Chong movies (it would have to be!). I know that this botched-up lobotomy is NOT the man that I fell in love with. I guess I’m trying to do the corrective surgery without a manual or anesthesia, and that’s making it worse.<P>I know, I know, Plan A! But ARGH, I need some release! I’m ashamed to say it, but I felt like a 200 pound weight was lifted off of my shoulders during that argument. But it won’t get me what I (still kinda) want, and that’s to repair my marriage. I will still vent here, believe me! I have to stay sane through this Plan A thing somehow!<P><BR>Sheba – Hey, how are you doing? Well, I have brought up this point before, and I look at it like this: when a WS cheats with a “knockout”, it’s like they may as well have ripped your heart out of your chest. When they cheat on you with a dog, it’s like they rip your heart out of your chest, cram it down your throat, and start laughing at you. I feel like I don’t just have to watch out for the beautiful women, I have to watch out for ANYTHING with a vagina (can I say that?) But you’re right, it’s about me and my H. I just worry that one woman isn’t enough for him – if that’s the case, I want to know so that I can get out while I can!<P>Buffy – The only need of his that I haven’t been good with is “Domestic Support” (his #5 need), and of course, LoveBusting. I’d have better luck trying to seduce a priest than I do my H half the time! That’s why I worry that he can’t be with just one woman all the time (please God, let me be wrong!) In all honesty, I think the link between him and Mrs. Ed was I was staying with my mom, she was a woman, she was there and willing, and he can’t be alone. But his ego will not let him admit that he graced his presence on a dog, so that’s why he’s trying to hit me with this supposed evolved perspective. But yes, I’ll still Plan A! As long as y’all can handle a daily mega-vent post! Thanks Faye, and all of you – you have been a great help (as usual!) <P>Ali<BR>

Hey CB...<P>First I have to quit laughing so hard because your post was literally killing me. Lora and I were on the phone and I was reading your post aloud to her and we were rolling. Not to say we don't understand your hurt, Honey ... it's just your depiction of the events were so funny.<P>CB, you've absolutely got to stop LBing your H. My take on this is your H is only seeing OW because OW is probably a bit mellower than yourself and in addition I bet she gives him mega strokes of admiration which I believe to be your H's numero uno EN. Do you see it?<P>Try to calm yourself, CB, it hurts, we know that. But what do you ultimately want Honey? Don't you want your marriage to work? Do you think your H is going to be receptive to your anger and spite? We all know he blew it ... he's made a bad mistake, but you have the keys to a happy marriage, you just need to engage them by trying to be understanding and think more about what caused this as opposed to what's happened. Do you know what I'm saying?<P>From here on you come here FIRST to vent and rage, let it all out and scream it in words here, but DO NOT let your H see it. Don't take it out on him, it will not fix the situation, it'll make matters worse.<P>You've got so much hootspa and if you could only apply half your energy to thinking about the cause and not so much about the symptoms, I know you could make this work.<P>You can do it, CB. Your here because you want it and we're behind you and care about you, so try your hardest to stop the LBing.<P>I'm so sorry you're hurting CB, it's a hurt that no one should have to endure ... and you have a right to be angry, you don't deserve it ... just come here to vent it, we know what your going thru and can help.<P>Much love to you CB ... try a little harder next time and each time it will get a little bit easier, baby steps, I've been there, so I really do know.<P>Be well and God Bless ...<P>love,<BR>Jo

You are fiesty! I am, too, but not as quick on the feet as your pro-wrestler ones. Anyhow, I understand much of how you feel about your H's pre-facelift Roseanne Barr-fly and my H's chinless banshee who is looser than a nymphomaniac and who also drags her feet and gapes for added effect. <P>We are both saddled with WSs who traded in the Ferraris (I didn't say Rolls because we are still young and in sporty shape)for rusty bikes with one flat tyre. <P>My WS admitted that he drank from the sewers when he had good water at home. It does make him look stupid but he did say it wasn't his choice - he was set up. Anyway, how do you continue to lay somebody like that for the next two years? I said the same thing about 'anything with a vagina being open season' to him a few times. <P>I feel very sorry that you are getting all vengeful and sarcastic and that it has made your H resentful to the point that he said the above about inner beauty to you. I believe that you are a person with a great heart and a wonderful soul but like me, I couldn't overcome the fact that my WS could do sex with a thing that he described as ' a piece of evil ****'. In the beginning, he was less forward and tried to say kinder things about her looks and such so that he didn't look so bad. So I guess it is an ego thing. The WS had to find some reason that they had the A with some ugly broad.<P>I trust that if you concentrate your energy on your son, and live your life like it is a gift, and talk things out rationally or even write to your WS instead of talking, things may be more productive. <P>I was advised last night: 'bend your knees when the burden gets too heavy, it will definitely help'.<P>I need to go, will check back again later.<P>God LOves and Bless you <BR>take care<BR>weep

Oh my God Carolina Belle. You had me laughing so hard coffee came out of my nose. You are too funny. I have been holding my tongue about OW and trying to be respectful all the while feeling the same hostility inside and wanted to blurt it out. Only I haven't seen this girl. Who knows she may be some super model compared to me. But I don't care. Even if she is what she has on the inside doesn't compare to me. One good thing is my H is 6'4" and I am 5'7" and this girl is only 5'. What a shrimp. Ok I said it. I'll never say it again.<P>Anyway when I heard you say that your H told you that you were ugly inside. It made me think about myself. I feel ugly inside. In that I have to snoop around to find out if my H is being honest with me. That I question his wearabouts if I don't hear from him for 5 minutes. That I always have my third eye on him whenever he is around. I could go on and on. Being put in a situation like that makes me feel dirty and vile. I wonder if my H sees this as well...I'm sure he does. The truth is I'm not really this person. That's not who I am. Yes I'm protective of myself and leery of outsiders but if I trust you I do it with all my heart. So you see the person you are inside has a lot to do with your relationship with your H. He has put you in situations where you have to question what he does with his money in order to take care of yourself and your family. This may be ugly to him but maybe he should take a look in the mirror. Most of this ugliness came from him. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Bravo Bravo! LostSoulMate, I'm with you 100% ...I completely echo what you said.<P>They (WS) help to make us do things and say things we wouldn't normally ... so in turn we hate ourselves for it.<P>Thank you for your post Honey .... it helped me right when I needed it. I was feeling pretty ugly inside too.<P>God Bless you!<BR>Jo<P>

I must admit, CB, my jaw dropped when I read your post. How can someone with such a rapier wit be "ugly on the inside?"<P>I'll let you in on what drew me to read the post: my STBX is, to put it bluntly, exactly the kind of person you described in the title of your post: Nice to look at, but it only LOOKS good! <P>It is dreadfully obvious that you have a brain, self-respect, and a decidedly wicked sense of humor. Whatever these qualities add up to, it sure isn't ugly...<P>Some here have accused you of being too bitter or angry. However, if you can keep that sense of humor going through the h*ll of dealing with a WS, you're way ahead of the game, sister.<P>Have you seen the movie "Love Stinks" with French Stewart? Rent it tonight, you'll get a kick out of it!<P><BR>

LMAOOOOO, I talk just like you CB. I call hubby's ex-gf is a fat, old ugly sow with clamy lumps and rolls hanging off her thighs. I said the poor thing musta fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, bless her heart. She's so ugly she could back muddy water up a ditch. Make a train take a dirt road.<P>He just laffs and agrees, but he still sneaks around with the old wrinkled up sow.<P>She is 10 years older and a hundred pounds heavier and four inches shorter than me and an illegal alien. If he wants her more than me, he can have at it, because no one else wants her. Poor ugly sow. And she has this really ugly, deep smoker, crack ho voice. I have a very nice voice.<P>I get asked out at least once a day. And that makes me feel good about myself. Men follow me around the store when I'm out shopping. My Hubby is so insecure about it he probably deserves to be with the wrinkled up, pockmarked, corn fed sow. At least no one is looking at her.<P>Whats that old country song...If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life marry yourself and ugly wife.<P>LOL<P>SweetPea, your hubbys's Cafe Ho sounds like she looks like a piece of dried up beef jerky! lol.<P><p>[This message has been edited by SadnLonely (edited October 07, 2000).]

So you love busted a bit, well jump back on the horse (not the OW - I mean him). Maybe eat your hat, and work on the domestic support thing. I know a place that sells really cute french maid outfits..... And don't worry, I think you are beautiful on the inside and I have never seen your outside so there.

Sorry, I had to go to Leavenworth this weekend, so I haven’t been able to respond. <P>Resilient - In a way I agree, I think that admiration is a huge EN for my H, but I get the impression that he doesn’t want it from ME. I’ve tried flirting and cooing over how great he is, and he looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. He did tell me this past weekend in Leavenworth that he went out drinking and was with the Sow because he didn’t want to have to face his life without me and our son. He says he didn’t know how to deal with it. It was nice to finally have him talk to me like his partner. I do want my marriage to work, it’s just harder than hell having to deal with the same thing over and over again. My H doesn’t show a lot of emotions, and he is extremely closed off about his past. I feel in a lot of ways like I don’t know him...maybe if he didn’t try to build this wall up around him, I could understand him better. I truly am going to try to stop LBing - we love each other so much, and we have a beautiful, amazing son. Thank you so much for the advice - it’s easy to forget sometimes in the midst of this that I’m not the only one who has gone through this.<P>Weep - I know, what makes our WS’s have these stupid attacks? It’s totally an ego thing - where I live in Northwestern Washington, pretty women are few and far between. Most guys here either go up to Vancouver, BC or down to Seattle to try and pick somebody up. The women that are available for a free lay are at the run-down, hole in a wall dives, which for some reason, my H feels right at home in. None are attractive - those who could have been pretty have let their lives get to them, and look for solace in a bottle and a one-night stand. Why be proud of that? <P>I’m turning my H over to God, I feel like I can’t survive this on my own. He’ll do a much better job of dealing with my H than I can. <P>Lostsoulmate - You have summed up the situation. I don’t like the person that I have become since my H’s first A - it’s like I want to try and trust him, and then he isn’t home when he says, my heart starts beating faster, I feel on edge, and I’m determined to “bust” him again. It’s a miserable existence. I’ve never asked for much - I’ve only wanted him to love me, be honest with me, and NOT to cheat on me. That shouldn’t be too difficult. My family and friends don’t even come around hardly anymore because they can’t stand my H and they hate how sad I have been since everything occurred. I hope he sees that light before it’s too late.<P>Hanora - LOL! Watch out! Maybe I should hit the TOW board one time...nah, they wouldn’t stand a chance! <P>Cjack - Thank you for the kind words and the tip - I’ll try to find that movie. Keep in mind, I *am* in the boondocks, though, but I’ll try to find it. Lord knows we all need a pick-me-up on Mondays!<P>Sweetpea - Ouch, I knew this would come up. I’m not trashing all fat women. I know, and am related to women who are 250, 300 lbs, BUT they carry themselves wonderfully, they have pride and a good self-esteem, and they take care of their hair and makeup, and hon, they’re GORGEOUS! My H’s OW is extremely heavy, but tries to deny it by wearing TIGHT, TIGHT clothing (talk about camel toes! Ew!) She has scraggely hair that looks like it hasn’t been combed in months (not even Moses could part that hair!), she’s only 41, but she looks like she’s at least in her high fifties, lower sixties, and worst of all, she is a pathetic alcoholic who feels like it’s okay to snag up married men. That is why I go off on her like I do. She is not doing anything to try to become a better person in the long run. She takes no pride in herself, on the inside or on the outside IN ANY WAY, and so I will call her on it. <P>You go, honey! You are an extremely caring person, and that Cafe Woman can’t hold a candle to you! I hope your H realizes that.<P>SadnLonely - Shoot, I think I’d call Immigration on the cow, and have them take her back to where she came from - as long as the forklift they hauled her out on didn’t run out of gas! Why would your H want to deal with THAT?!?!?<P>I get asked out a lot also. I live in a small town, so my marriage problems aren’t exactly a secret. I get guys who try to instigate the situation - “Your H is an idiot for screwing around with a cow like Janine! You are so beautiful...” yada, yada, yada. I work in an engineering firm of 250 people - only 10 of which are women. I don’t care though - I WANT my H! He has the potential to be a good person, why not USE it?<P>And LOL on the ugly tree reference! Bravo!<P>Justthewife - Thank you, hon! I’ll try to work on the domestic support thing *shudder*. Yeah, I saw a cute french maid outfit at the Halloween Boutique - I’m considering it. But I also saw a sexy Belly Dancer outfit, so I’m thinking about that, and then I’ll take some lessons! How fun! But that’s a totally different post! Thanks!