I actually had a bad and good night. I got a really bad image of the two of them together, (they have been really bad this week), the first one that I have had in front of H. After I had the image, one of the stupid questions about the A came up, and I couldn't get the "movie" of them together out of my mind until the question was answered. After he answered it, my H was leaving to go fishing and I began to break down, but stopped myself. He said, "You know I love you." I replied, "I know...It just hurts so much." and he asked me if I was okay. I sat up, looked him straight in the eye and said, "You should go now." (Meaning he will be late) and he looked at me, confused, and I said flat out, "It’s better you left now. I'll be okay. I know how to deal with this." <BR>This is the first time I think he has seen first hand the hurt I feel on a daily basis, and what I go thru to deal with it. Usually he only sees the tears and hurt during or resulting from a fight. I think I sent him off with a clearer idea of what we the betrayed are given to deal with and the unfairness of it. I basically said...go have your fun. I can handle this stuff that you have given me. I have to...and the fact that he was going to have to sit on a boat for hours with a few guys who don't know what is going on, and think in the silence of the fishing, actually gives me hope that he may get a spark of an idea of the magnitude of what he did.<BR>I was strong, stood up, and let him see the hurt but at the same time the power that is in me to protect myself, and not depend on him to pull me up...(of course, after he left I cried like a baby for an hour, and talked to my sisters for 2 more.) And you know what, I was surprised at the power I felt also.<BR>
