good morning...<P>well...Day 1 was a grey, cold and rainy day...coffee together in the mporning before I ran off to work and Deut (due to rain) got to stay home and play with our boy!...<P>after getting home, I needed a nap!..so we all had one...a family nap..lol<P>I woke up to Deut having ordered a pizza for dinner and then he left on a 'mysterious' trip to the store....<P>returnning home with yummy snacks and videos to watch...<P>Friday night was spent having a movie 'date'...<P>this is so rare for us..we barely watch t.v. let alone watch it together!!...and our son was ever so impressed that mom and dad were watching his movie with him..all 3 of us snuggled on the couch...<P>god.it felt so 'normal'...and left me wondering why we haven't been doing this forever??...what have we been using to fill those spaces?.....what got in the way?...housecleaning?...the computer?...why hasn't there been any 'family' time...things to fix....things to change...<P>I have been on the reeiving end of countless 'I love you's' and hugs all day long...<P>I calle Deut from work (I am a domestic goddess for other women who have no time to be goddesses themselves..lol)...I called him just to tell him I love him...<P>and Deut read my post last night...the long one...the 5th of October for him, had no special significance....he asked if I had had a good day, I said not really, and told him why...<P>'Day 1' has had such a 'normal' feel to it...you can't realize how niceit is to reflect on that...and what a great feeling 'normal' can be.....<P>it has been a good day...<P>as for the ages-old problem of help with the house, I gave him a 'chores' list...he can't forget if it's in front of him all day...lol..so, I wrote out a few things I would appreciate him doing so that my 'burden' of housework could be lightened...<P>he said it was great and exactly what he needed<P>now he knows what I want and need from him for saturday...<P>Day 1 <BR>done and gone....<P>day by day, people......<BR>day by day...<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

Hey Dylan,<P>Sounds good so far, I love the journal idea. I hope you realize that you are also helping others who are just beginning this journey, as well as some of us why have been wandering around aimlessly for a while!<P>I responded on your "long" post with a post so long I had to make it two parts.<P>Good luck and keep going. You'll find the way.<P>Love,<P>Peppermint

Bon joir Dylan,<P>Good things come to those who wait...<P>Patients is it's own reward...<P>I know how much the man loves you...I've seen the look in his eyes when you walk in the room...<P>He may just need a little nudge now and then...<P>Au revoir,<P>Bill <BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DYLAN}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

(((((((((((((((((my buddies))))))))))))))<P>whew......getting computer time in this house is getting to be an endangered thing...our 9 yr. old has discovered the internet...LOL<P>((((((((((((Nicole)))))))))))...how ya doin?...are you breathing??...remember...you cannot take care of them if you do not take care of you...first.......love you......<P>(((((((((((William))))))))<P><BR>bonjour mon ami... ...you have to tell me when you notice imortant things like this!!!..LOL...hope all is well with you and your angel... <P>hey!!...happy almost 1 year of knowing each other anniversary!!!...lol....<P>Peppermint.....sigh...I need a vacation!!!!... ..lol...I'm going to post days 2-4 together tonight after the kiddies are in bed...this is canadian thanksgiving weekend....oh the irony of thanksgiving at this time!!..not lost on me at all...lol...<P>kids want the computer....so gotta go.....<P>it's been a good 4 days...<P>Dylan<P><P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

so today is day 5....<P>except for pms rearing it's head this week, it is almost eerie the way a 'calm' of some sorts has decended...<P>Deut is tearing down a barn for work...we got 'fired' from a building maintenance contract that provided our basic income for mortgage and van and child support... our financial situation has never been worse (we may lose the house, get sued by many people, etc,)...we can't afford oil for heat...the children are misbehaving on a legendary scale... the new 10 yr. old dog we got from a shelter pooped all over - we had to rip up the carpeting- step son's cat has peed on EVERYTHING, my cat has done both in retaliation..<P>and the list goes on....<P>but as I said, a bizarre calm is here....not within Deut..lol...he is stressed...beyond his limits....but even that is new....old Deut would have covered it up, would have hidden from it....this Deut is stressed all on the outside...I feel like I'm watching from the sidelines, with an 'almost' amused smirk on my face....seeing him like this makes me proud....he is feeling it...allowing himself to panic and freak out...gone is the stoic facade...this is such an improvement, in a way....<P>but I find myself sitting here, cool as a cucumber...not that it doesn't matter to me, but also very aware that last year at this time, the situation was very similar...we have had a very bad year in many aspects...but this year, there is no blond....<P>and that can make all the difference...<P>amazing what we can be thankful for...<P>I can take this crisis..this is almost nothing in comparison to all this AND a blond....we have been living this crisis for over 4 years...the chaos is almost the 'norm' around us...lol...<P>I'm watching the leaves change color on the maple in my yard...and enjoying it....<P>saturday's chore list got lost somewhere, but Deut just did a whole bunch of stuff anyways and the house looked great when I came home from work...it was the perfect crowning of a hectic day...I came home to an empty but clean house, Deut had taken the little one out, I got to take a bath......yes......a bath.....a hot bath!!.....and it lasted.....an HOUR!!!!!!!!<P>the past four days have been characterized with us spending MUCH more time with the kids...buying a cheap VCR (ours blew up 6 mths ago....try that with a 4 yr. old!!!)...and what an investment...control over the kids' viewing once again, movies for us to watch cuddled up on the couch..with kids and us alone...letting the computer just sit...actually <B>doing</B> the things we've said we would try....<P>Deut started reading 'Getting the love you want' by Harville Hendrix...well, he started...he hasn't picked it back up for a few days, and wasn't very enamoured of it from about chapter 2...lol...let's see how it goes...'Lovebusters' is next...<P>let's see...how much have I rambled thus far??<P>it's just that everything else around us is horrible once again and I just stand here in amazement that I am not freaking out about it...and he is....and we're helping each other through it instead of going our own way seperately through the same crap!!...<P>we have called each other every day from where we are working just to say ' I love you'...hugs are still abounding....<P>sigh......<P>day by day, people.<BR>day by day<P>Dylan

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Dylan,<P>Okay you guys...<P>Here's a thought...<P>Just a suggestion mind you...<P>Sell the house and move to B.C.<P>Start over fresh in an untainted house.<P>It's not like you don't know anybody!!<P>There are actually lots of jobs around here right now. I could even mail you the classifieds.<P>House prices and rents are going down.<P>Seriously now,<P>I am glad to hear that you guys are dealing with all the CRAP together and working your way through it.<P>email me and let me know when a good time to call you would be...I am home this whole weekend.<P>We'll talk o'kay...<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Hi Soulloss,<P>I was so glad to read of you and Duet working through this together.<BR>It was almost this time last year that I first read your posts, and worried about you and the heating situation, and everything else you were going through. I have lived in a cold climate, well, cold for us anyway!!! so I do know a little what it would be like.<P>You sound so amazing, and so together. It must be wonderful to see Duet dealing with his feelings and his emotions. I wish my H could do that. My H made a comment the other night to me that went something like this. "Because of his working himself into the ground for his old company (who subsequently fired him) he lost so much."<BR>When I commented that I had never heard him say that before, he replied with "well, I don't like to think about it" and there it went, straight back under the carpet. But, I cling to that one comment, at least it showed its head. Is this the beginning of him allowing himself to deal with what has happened to us over the last year and a half.??????<BR>I am taking things so slowly, and letting him do all the communicating. I am asking gentle 'everyday' questions, and not really giving my opinion or thoughts about anything. <P>The movie night you mentioned sounds so wonderful. I miss that so much. Keep on doing it, and keep loving each other. I miss loving my husband so much it sometimes physically hurts. But I don't like who he is at the moment. But that is a whole other post.<P><BR>take care of you and yours, and big hugs for you all<P>Jo<P>

Nicole.....ROTFLMAO.....<P>girlfriend, if you only knew how fast I would pack up and be there...on your front doorstep!!....lol<P>unfortunately, the house is not sell-able.... we're trapped!!! new roof, plumbing, electrical and more load-bearing walls within are needed...<P>otherwise...you would be having 3 roomates!!....imagine Arik's face as he opens the door....there stands Dylan...holding 2 x 4... <P>but none of my troubles are anything new to you....the heating oil crisis....not enough $$....you are always there to listen to me vent and b!tch.....thank you....<P>((((((((((((((((Nicole))))))))))))<P>

(((((((((((((((((((( jo ))))))))))))))))))<P>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>you obviously received my psychic message...I have been thinking about you for 48 hours solidly....I was actually going to post a thread looking for you....<P>honey, if you think I am so together...(LOL)..you go and read my thread about requiring 'the patience of Job to get through'...<P>Jo, it is all just beginning...the healing and rebuilding, that is....I summarily declared the past year survived.....NOT revcovered.....<P>and I'm sorry to hear that numnuts for brains (your H) has not returned to sanity, nor thrown himself at you, begging for forgiveness....LOLOLOLOL...<P>it is a long, hard road....you and your girls take care of each other...<P>give me more of an update....ramble on awhile....I've missed you....you're my direct line to the 'outback'....lol<P>it's good to see you, Jo... <P>Dylan

hey Dylan,<P>I must have received your psychic message, because I was sooooooooo tired after work but I HAD to come here. As usual, it's so good to be back. I did leave for a while, didn't even lurk, as I was getting used to shift work again (0330 wake up calls) or working until 2230/2300.......<P>Yep, numnuts is still being numnuts. I have filed for divorce, I have to go to court Dec 5th. It will become final two weeks after that. He is now on his 5th girlfriend since we broke up, barely a year ago. Gosh, I can't believe it is only a year. It feels like forever. What a sl##t he is. He tells me that this one could be serious. She is even spending time with my girls. He takes her and them to the beach, something that I asked him to do with us, but something that he would never do. He "wasn't a beachy person!!!!! or so he said" Obviously he wasn't a ME type person!!!!!!!!!<P>However, I must'nt complain too much. He looks after the girls while I am at work. He stays here overnight, the night before my 0440 sign on, so someone is here to wake up with the girls and get their breakfast and get them off the pre-school, daycare etc. He even had a gin and tonic waiting for me last night when I got home, and stayed for about 15 mins after I got home having a chat. Usually he is out the door so fast my head spins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Anyway, I'm going to put a big update about little ole me and my situation, when I can sort it all out in my head.<BR>I have filed for the divorce, but now I'm going through the "am I doing the right thing, should I wait a bit longer" agony. Yet another rollercoaster.<BR>Oh well, a decision will be made one way or another before Dec 5th.......<P>take care of you and Duet my friend, those movie nights just sounded so wonderful. I miss things like that so much. The girls are that little bit older now, and could stay up for a movie of their choice. When I think of all that he is missing out on, my heart breaks.<BR>The girls favourite movie at the moment is the Sound of Music, with Julie Andrews. Even my 2 1/2 yo knows a lot of the words. It's so precious, and priceless.<P>big hugs to you my friend, and thanks for caring about me. <P>Jo

Dylan, I answered on Job's thread!<P>Can't relate to needing heat, we're still running the AC. I won't live in a cold climate...<P>Anyway, I strongly believe that it is the journey that counts. That we all long for all the problems to go away, but it is wonderful how you two are handling them so well. All of this is a learning experience we couldn't buy for any amount...<P>Hang in there, now that you seem to have learned what was there to be learned, the good jobs might be just around the corner...<P>I take you it you love animals, so take this with a grain of salt. But since you do need to work, I would look at eliminating "nonessential" things that are draining you as you focus on your healing.<P>I realize to most people family pets are not nonessential, so hope I haven't offended. But why did you just add one??