I'm in shock!!! The OW called me. She actually said that she was asking for my help (say what??). She says that she no longer wants anything to do with my H. (How in the h--- does she think I can help her?)<BR>Anyway, I told her that I of course don't trust her and that the phone call was really scary to me.....I told her that she should tell my H not me and she said that she intended to. What kind of game do you think she is playing?

Stella:<P>What was her reason for not wanting your husband?<P>Has the affair died a natural death and the "FOG" has lifted for her?<P>She could be sincere or playing a game as you stated. Maybe she has had enough and wants out.<P>The OW called me, but it was to turn me against my husband, since he no longer wanted to be with her. She was striking out to hurt him and she called me.<P>Judy

Stella<P>I wish I had answers, but all I can offer is sympathy.<P>I don't know what she's up to...is H still living with you or did he move out?<P>Good luck! --HBC

When the OW called me and said that she didn't want to be with my H any more, he was to jealous of her friends, etc. and for me to "take him back" I told her a few things:<BR>1) He has to come back to me<BR>2) She is not a victim to be had, she had a voice and a part in the situation- use it<BR>3)If and when he came back, it will be because he wants to - not cause she was thru with him<BR>That was the last I've heard from her to date. He has now said he wants to be here at home again. I think that she was over their A and just needed help somehow from me to move their break-up along. I don't know if I helped or not, but I feel I did the right thing by telling her that their relationship was for them to deal with and his and mine was ours to deal with. Don't let her get to you. Stand your ground and tell her to deal with him directly - as you will do about any of your issues with him, your Husband. Strength and convidence! Iam4us

Thanks for your responses. Sorry it' taken me so long to reply. The OW said that she now feels a lot of anger and resentment towards my H. She wants to be able to go out in pubic, etc. She sounded sincere...but....why should I believe her. To date she has not talked to my H. He is on the road....He does still live here with us. He never left and told her that he would never leave. So maybe her fog has lifted and she is realizing that their is no future for her with him. I hope so. I still haven't told my H about the phone call, I told her she should be telling him not me. But I think I'm going to tell him anyway. I know that it's going to make him angry and I often have to take the brunt of the anger, even if its toward her. But I'm thinking why should I protect him from any pain. He never protected me.

Ugh, the nerve! By the way, cute little typo; Freudian slip? "She wants to be able to go out in pubic, etc. "<BR>So - what does she want? For you to "call him off"? I wouldn't mention the call to H.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Dear Stella,<P>Definitely to get the feel of the pulse of your marriage. Most OWs wouldn't want to waste their time if they think that there is nothing in there for them. The other reasons, all equally unedifying, would be she want to throw her frustrations on you, she wants you to suspect that the affair is more than what it is, or she just isn't letting go yet.<P>There was a post once by an OW on Recovery that she wanted out of the A, and she didn't want out, etc., and that the WS had an STD, and that she wanted the help of the wife to end it - so perhaps there are a couple of wimpy types who need others to clean up the mess after and for them?<P>I would be very cautious of the OW in your case and you may want to observe your H for a while before approaching him about this.<P>God Bless You<BR>weep<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited October 10, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But I'm thinking why should I protect him from any pain. He never protected me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Stella, if the A is over, no contact, he should now protect you, not you him!!! He should send her a no contact letter and be willing to do whatever it takes, change your phone, etc.<P>It doesn't matter what her motives are, you cannot and should not help her. She made that impossible when she crossed the line with your h.<P>His anger should not be directed at you either! You were the one that was hurt here!<P>

I would not give this woman the time of day. Even if she is sincere, this is something she needs to do on her own. The nerve of her asking YOU for help.<P>My gut instinct is that this is a ploy, however. I woudn't give her one ounce of information on how your marriage is doing, how she makes you feel, or anything. All that does is create another triangle and triangles are not good for your relationship with your H. And quite possibly it gives her ammunition to use against you!<P>One OW called and I just sat there and listened. I used her words against her and gave her nothing. Not even a reaction.<P>Another OW called and I just hung up on her. Whatever, witch.<p>[This message has been edited by popeye (edited October 11, 2000).]

Each time I talked about a conversation that I had w/ OW, it always backfired on me and made me feel worse. He sided with her each time. Think it thru. What will you gain by it. Just know that it is ending because OW wants it to and pay attention as H will be hurt by OW soon and thru Plan A, you will be there to pick up the pieces and support him as his wife. Good luck. Iam4us