I don’t really know why I am writing this here on the MB site. I just felt like it was the place to put for anyone that wanted to read and comment. We are struggling along in our relationship trying to mend the pain and damage that I have caused. It all came clear to me in a dream I had Sunday morning. How did I get caught up in this affair? When I began to open my eyes and see, I see everything that was wrong, every mistake I made and all the pain that has been caused as a result of my actions. This dream told me a lot about things, but it made me realize that I am a very selfish and bad person. I have many ways that I need to change. I have been wrong, evil, dishonest, and mean. Now is the time to began to change.<P>I dreamed that I was preaching about sin and temptation, but I am not a preacher. I told the congregation I was walking along a path one day, and as I walked, I noticed a hole in the earth. I decided to look in and see what was in the hole. As I looked down, I noticed it was full of diamonds, and the sun was shining upon them. Their fire and sparkle made me reach in and grab one. To me, diamonds are just a stone, but as I reached in, I thought, “I could sell these and get lots of money”. I picked up the biggest one I could find. As I began to remove it, I noticed the one below it was even larger. Soon I had a hand full, and I found myself going in the hole to find bigger ones. Thinking all along I will get one more and get out. What I didn’t realize was that the hole was actually owned by an evil overseer, and he approached and kicked the hole closed. There I was trapped inside with all of the diamonds. Everything was dark but I knew they were still there because I could still feel them cutting me. I began to suffocate and feel trapped, but I kept thinking I am in here with these diamonds so this can’t be so bad.<P>There I stayed, longer and longer, cut off from the rest of the world in my own little space. I began to want out. I clawed at the door and fought to stay a near the top, but I was being cut more and more by the sharp edges of the diamonds. I called out to people that I knew were going by, but nobody would come and help. I got mad at them and blamed them for my being trapped in there. I was just about to give up when I saw fingers squeezing between the cracks in the door. They fought hard and pulled and pulled until finally the door came open and the hand reached inside and grabbed mine. The hand began to pull me out of the darkness, but I couldn’t see who it was. As they were pulling me from the hole, I looked back in and tried to grab a diamond. I just wanted one. The hole began to pull me back in, but the hand that had me would not let go. The Evil Overseer came running over and tried to knock both of us in, but we fought and managed to knock him in instead. The person that had saved me put their hand above my eyes to shade me from the reality of the sun. They began to wipe the diamond dust from me and I noticed their hands were cut and bruised and the wounds were so deep that the scars would be there forever. As hurt as they were, they tenderly shaded and cleaned me. As my eyes began to adjust to the sun, I began to see the face, the eyes, the hair, the smile, and the person that had pulled me out. It was my wife. There she stood, scared from battle, but still by my side. She asked me why I went in to such an evil place. I answered, “All I could think about was what I could get for them”. She looked at me in astonishment and said, “But they are only rhinestones.” They are worthless. How could you be so easily fooled? How could you be so stupid to fall into that hole for nothing? I had no answer. I argued with her and said, “they were diamonds, you don’t understand”. I could have had anything I wanted if I could have gotten some of them to sell. I got trapped when the evil overseer pushed me in. She looked at me and said, “No, you were fooled and your own greed and ego put you in there. You did it to yourself. Once you were in you let him kick the door closed.<P>She took my hand and guided me away. She led me in the right direction, well away from the hole. I looked back, and in my amazement, I was looking into a graveyard, and the diamond hole was actually an open casket. Into the casket I had put my mind, my body, and part of my life, ALL FOR NOTHING. I put a diamond on her finger again. I placed it there as a symbol of my love for her, and for what she had given me. More precious than any amount of money the diamonds I thought were there could bring, was the love she had for me, to find me, pull me out, brush me off, and love me. We are both scared for life from the ordeal, but our wounds will heal and we will make it.<P>We are scared from this ordeal. The affair that I got involved in was for my own ego. And what have I gotten for it? NOTHING! I have learned from this though. I am learning that truth and integrity are the thread that I want to weave my life by. I know the most important thing in my life is my wife. She is leading me in the right direction and I will follow. I must take the lead in mending our marriage and I must always put her first. She is the one that saved me. To her I am forever thankful and her I will always love.<P>fs<BR><p>[This message has been edited by firestorm (edited October 10, 2000).]

Steely Dan, Reeling in the Years..."the things you think are precious, I don't understand."<P>Excellent, prophetic dream. It sounds as if it had quite the impact on you. It also reminds me of a parable/story my husband used to tell me often before his fall from grace. <BR>It was about a dog who had a bone in his mouth. As he crossed the bridge, he caught a glance at his reflection in the water. He saw another dog looking back at him with what seemed to be a bigger, better bone. He desperately wanted the other dog's bone. Ultimately, the dog on the bridge dropped his bone in the water in an effort to take the bone from the other dog and ended up with nothing, no bone at all.<P>It seems to me that you, Firestorm, and my husband, were fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to retrieve your "bones." <P> <P>Catnip =^^=

fs:<P>As I wipe the tears from my face while reading this, it shows how much love you have received from peppermint and how much you love her. <P>By posting this, it tells me that you have realized you what put at risk. <P>Yours & peppermint situtation is close to mine and my husband's.<P>Best wishes,<P>Judy

Dear fs:<P>You really must STOP eating pizza (with the *works*) before dozing off.... !!!<P>Honestly, good to hear that Peppermint is "FIRST". <P>BTW, you may want to consider some "Peppermint" after that pizza...lol !!!<P>Peace, ~Marie <P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown

Hi Firestorm:<P>Thanks for sharing that dream with us...it gives each of us hope that someday our WS might have dreams that reflect their changed attitude toward OP.<P>For now, mine's still in the hole, cracking rhinestones with his head...saying "I know there's a diamond in here somewhere if I can just find it." <P>Meanwhile my hands are scared and scraped from digging for five years and my arms stretched from pulling on him. Oh, well, maybe I need a backhoe. <P>It really is such a good parable/story that thereafter it will be known as "Firestorm's Parable" to one and all.<P>And we think you again for sharing. You really are lucky Peppermint stayed around to dig you out, you know. Another wife could have been long gone.<P>Faye<P><BR> <p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited October 10, 2000).]

Beautiful. Printing now to have my husband read. I only hope he can say - yeah, that's like us. And yes, Marie has a good idea - a little mint might freshen your breath or give you a breath of fresh air....

Firestorm,<P>You and your Peppermint really know how to bring down the house!!!<P>The dream and sharing it was so awesome. I wish you both much sucess. I am so glad you have realized the errors of your ways. The two of you will be blessed in many ways.<P>Keep up the spirit and the good work.<P>Cathy

It is wonderful how sometimes dreams can help us see our life story in just a few minutes, and in that few moments we understand so vividly the anchorpoints in our lives. It is a powerful dream that wakens a man to find his inner man and the essence of living in the light.<P>May God bless you and your wife, the real gem in your life.

Dear fs:<P>OH MY! I didn't mean to suggest that you needed a breath mint ...ROTFLMAO!!!!<P>On the contrary...I meant that "Peppermint" --YOUR WIFE--can "calm your stomach/nerves"...help you sleep...fix what's ailing you... .<P>Whew! OH my! Hope that's *clearer* now! Sometimes my silliness can get me in trouble...<P>Peace, ~Marie<P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown

Firestorm,<P>thank you for sharing that.<BR>I'm going to print it off and try to show my wayward husband. Maybe, just maybe, he will think that I am still here for him. I am. <P>It was beautiful, and I wish you and Peppermint all the best that life has to offer. You both deserve it.<P>hugs,<P>Jo

I think he got it Marie, it was cute - I got it! Having a little "peppermint" (wink, wink)..... then me - breath of fresh air (like ahhhhhhhhh) ... we are just too funny.<p>[This message has been edited by justthewife (edited October 12, 2000).]

Thanks all for reading and replying. I just felt the need to put this out here because it was such a powerful and eye-opening experience.<P>Ohmy_marie.........You're a HOOT! Peppermint uses that name here on the MB forum because it is a nickname that I gave her when we were dating. (Peppermint Patty) I am not going to comment on my having a 'mint' after the pizza. Hope you understand. Thanks, you brought a smile to my face. Good luck to all of you.<P>....fs

Thank you, firestorm, for sharing that. I hope one day H realizes they are rhinestones (right now he's just smarting from the cuts...)<P>All the best. --HBC

I wanted to bring this back up to the top, because I'm going to post a question for plan b'ers. <P>allison

I am bringing this to the top for totally selfish reasons. It makes me feel better and firestorm needs to be reminded of it. Sorry if anybody minds me doing this.