I'll bite. Here we go, as suggested.<P>Buy a thong. <BR>Get some really high heels.<BR>Do it by yourself.<BR>Read an erotic novel.<BR>Get your makeup done at the Clinique counter at the mall.<BR>Take a bath with smelly stuff.<BR>Write your man a steamy letter about what you want him to do to you and leave it in his breifcase/truck/lunchbox.<BR>Have a massage.<BR>Penthouse letters.<BR>Get a good nights sleep and do it in the morning.<P>Next?<BR>

I'll try and help ....<P>Get a pedicure.<BR>Join a Taebo class.<BR>Sit in the tub with bubbles and a mud mask.<BR>Get a sea salt scrub at the local day spa.<BR>Buy yourself a nice new outfit.<BR>Eat things that are good for you and make you happy (oxy moron?)<BR>Think sexy, act sexy, be sexy.<BR>Fill your heart with love and understanding.<BR>Soak your feet in vinegar, makes them really really soft all over. (do it, it really works)<BR>SMILE and do know, no matter what happens you're going to be okay.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

Can I play?<P>Get your legs waxed.<BR>Have a warm oil massage (preferrably by hubby).<BR>Play a practical joke on your kids (blue food coloring in mashed potatoes or GREEN eggs & ham, etc.)<BR>Get a puppy.<BR>Color your hair.<BR>Get dressed up and take a girlfriend out for coffee.<BR>Remember that what other people think does not determine your self-worth. You are precious and Jesus loves you.<P>HL

Topic not as hot as I thought it might be!<P>It seems to me that the sexually confident BS's here would share their expertise with us sexually depraved sufferers, or is it mentally depraved?<P>I know my groove is lost to a mental image that I can't seem to shake. My H has done every thing to help me and reassure me that I am all that he wants and needs and have always been. Maybe this info is just a little too late.<P>I really don't know how sex was with them. I don't know for sure if it wasn't all that for him as he says it was. He says that is all she wanted and would take what she could get from him; good or bad and he said it was for the most part bad sex, not the kind that we have together.<P>My problem is... I get almost there and I lose it completely and it is getting to be an old scenario and very frustrating.<P>Getting my groove back is going to entail a great deal more than a pedicure or massage or any of the other suggested remedies.<P>It is gonna take moving a mountain!! I'm so out of sorts with this whole issue. I was always very orgasmic before the A. We for the most part were very in sync with orgasm and would relish "coming" together, it was always such a terrific bonding experience. Why did he have to F up my sex life? <P>Cathy

OK, Cathy wants the gory details. I was a little freaked at first about not getting there, but it got fixed with batteries. I think that having someone take a very special part of marriage (marriage being legalized sex) and just hand it out like trick or treat candy can be earth shattering. There are trust issues, worries about STD's, thoughts of the OW that pop into one's head at the most inopportune times, and all sorts of other things that murk things up. This whole A thing is a huge confidence/self-esteem basher, and how can you get to a place of feeling so connected with a person who obviously didn't give a crap about it such a short time ago. Anti depressants may hurt your chances of getting there and depression itself impairs sexuality. My best advice to anyone about this subject would be to see if you can go it alone once or twice. Batteries, erotic book, vegtables, whatever it takes to help you figure out again what you need to get you there. Once you are able to go it on your own it is always easier to get there with someone else. Kind of like practicing a speech. Then when you are ready to give it a go with him you can still do what you did before to get there even though he is in the room (hopefully helping). Some good advice I got was to not worry about it and it will happen. I think that was a big part of things, after our initial sexual encounter I FREAKED that I didn't get there, thought it would never happen again, it was horrible. It will be fine - I promise. Maybe not tomorow, or next week, but it will be fine. Did that help at all?

Ha ha on you, JTW! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 20, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Sometimes I get stuck on the same answer for every question I read in that day. Let me try it here, Catplay.<P>A woman's most erogenous zone is between her...ears! Right? Some genius here said it once and I know it's certainly true for me.<P>While I've nothing against virtual vital organs I do think you can't overlook the cause of the disturbance of "the force", young Skywalker. <P>You're going to need to KNOW he's telling you the truth about how he feels and what he's thinking when you are making love together. <P>You are going to need to KNOW he's thinking of YOU and not any flashbacks of OW. "Say MY name" kind of a deal. <P>And that comes with following the Rule of Honesty. Read thru it with your H (page 138 of SAA). It's not the kama sutra but it enabled me to regain trust and that seemed to do it for me. There is no OW in our bed. Or shower. Or, well, you get the picure. <P>And you'll be "one with the force" in no time. No batteries required. <P>------------------<BR><I>No rain, no rainbows</I>