We women are emotional little creatures, aren’t we? We can be high as a kite one minute, and lower than a skunk the next – and we don’t even need a reason to get from one point to the other!<P>My D-Day Anniversary is coming up in November (oh joy, oh thrill.) I have a feeling that I’m going to have another D-Day here soon, getting hardcore facts about what happened while I was in Dallas. Now y’all, why does D-Day come as such a shock to us? Hell, I had a strong suspicion six months before my H’s last A of what was going on! But I guess I was so desperate to believe that I was wrong – even after finding a lace chemise in my apartment (“Honey, we have a campus laundromat. It must have gotten picked up by mistake.”), I was finding condoms in his pockets & wallet (“They’re good for masturbation!”), seeing those condoms disappear (“I cleaned out my wallet, and I threw them away.”), finding motel receipts with his name on them (“I booked it for a friend of mine – he has a warrant and doesn’t want anybody to trace him.”), etc, etc, etc. I am by no means a stupid person, but I feel like an idiot because I allowed myself to believe that these excuses might be rational. It took me thinking that I had Chlamydia and calling the tramp to get the truth. And all of the lying makes it worse – even today, he wouldn’t tell me the truth if he thought he would get into trouble.<P>So that leads to the time that I was in Dallas. He was out until extremely late every single night (“I was bored.”), he took a day off without telling me (“I took a day off. So what? I was tired!”), he went out repeatedly with other women, mostly with other friends but a couple of times not (“What, can’t I have friends?”), when I confronted a friend of the woman, she says, “no, he and Tina took a walk on the beach, I told her I didn’t want to get in the middle of it, she said ‘there’s nothing to get in the middle of, but he was with a woman named Cassandra all night the night before.’”, (“I never walked with Tina on the beach – it was a big joke. We sat out on the tailgate of my truck and talked one night, that’s it. And Cassandra asked if I wanted to go home with her, and I said no. That’s it.”), he was seen not wearing his wedding ring (“I was having it cleaned. So what, I took my wedding ring off. It’s just a MATERIAL THING.”). And I had to find out about every single event from other people – he lied to my face when I just suspected things. Even as I read this from a 3-party perspective, I’m thinking, “Girlfriend, you are either blind or stupid! Do not let this B@st@rd O.J. his sorry @$$ out of this!” <P>Does anybody else wonder about this? I mean, what IS D-Day, really? We KNOW what’s going on, it’s just that we dig and dig until we find the undeniable proof. It’s like a sick game. My H cheated on me while I was in Dallas. He’s not going to admit to it until Hard Copy shows me the videotape (in other words, NEVER!), because he thinks that he can get away with it. It’s like we cling to the hope that our WS’s outrageous excuses are a possibility – that’s why we stay, but then we go to every effort to bust them, and for what? So we can now have D-Day anniversaries that we stress over and replay in our minds over and over again. This is ridiculous when you think about it. <P>Does anybody else relate to this? I’m sick just thinking about how pathetic and in denial I am. I have an H who is such a liar and so selfish that he’ll cheat and lie to me about it. Why am I still bothering with this loser? I don’t want my son growing up and thinking daddy’s behavior is acceptable! ARGH!!! I need validation, hope, a slap in the face, SOMETHING! Why am I here???<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Carolina Belle (edited October 11, 2000).]

Carolina:<P>It doesn't sound to me as though you're in denial at all. Sounds to me as though you know what the signs of an affair are, you know that you're seeing them, and you're sad/distressed about it.<P>I'm so very sorry you're going through this for what sounds like a multiple time. From your posts, you've always sounded like a great woman, someone any man should get down on his knees and be grateful for. I honestly don't have any advice on what you should do -- sounds like you've been through the wringer more than once, and I know the future looks bleak right now. I genuninely hope things brighten up for you soon, one way or another. Take care.

Taxman - Thank you for the words of encouragement. Yes, my H and I have been to Hell and back a few times since our relationship began (this Dallas incident would be a first A in the actual marriage.) I'm just happy I can vent here and have people listen. I'm frustrated knowing that the OW is around and accessible to my H. Oh well, maybe a Hollywood agent will come to town and cast her for a TV western or something - OOPS, sorry, she would have to have two more legs for that. Sorry, had to get my one bash in on Jabba for today. But seriously, thanks!