just a question....<P>Did you take off your wedding ring?<P>If so, when, what was your reason, how did it make you feel?<P>I took mine off 2 days ago, 9 weeks after D-day, thought that what I really wanted was to "end" the "old" marriage, and start over with new rings, new commitment, stronger, better.... But I put it back on tonight, I just thought that maybe I was being childish, this ring still means alot to me, and I felt bad about not wearing it. My wife did not notice, or at least did not say anything.... but she has been working the last 2 days and we have only passed in the morning.<P>What are your experiences???

I took off my ring....about a week after discovering his affair....I gave it back to him...told him it was meaningless without the unbroken vows behind it...and I then dissolved our marriage without it being an actual, legal divorce or anything.....when or if he asks me to marry him again, then I guess I would get a new ring...<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

Left mine on for a very long time. Took it off in the spring when I took an interest in a guy that took an interest in me. Left it off until just the other day, when the little cup I had put my rings in tipped over and they fell out. I decided to put them (my wedding and engagement rings) on my right hand at least ... they are pretty rings and they are MINE.<P>I think the main reason I don't put them back on my left hand is because many people know what is going on - and I have caught quite a bit of flack for not filing for divorce myself long before this. I am not quite up to dealing with the questions and comments... so I compromised.<P>If I ever get back with my husband ("when" seems pretty foolishly unrealistic at the moment), I don't think I need new rings. I would like him to actually wear his - he never really did because of his job. And, IF I ever marry again, I will want my husband to wear a wedding ring... not that that stops some of the predators out there...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Yeah,<P>Off and on. Usually when I was in the "State of Withdrawal". It's a "trigger" in itself sometimes, no?<P>Right now at the moment I'm in the "State of Intimacy" so I'm wearing it and glad I never threw it in the ocean like I wanted to!<P>This past weekend H and I got our rings cleaned and sparkley at the Zales where we bought them 13 years ago. The rings look brand new, we remarked how they looked (and we felt) like newlyweds. We were talking to the guy doing the polishing and remarked that my ring has a small chip in the diamond - it's flawed but you cannot tell till unless I point it out to you - but it's still beautiful. My H said he never thought his ring would ever look this shiny and new ever again. It was so totally symbolic of how we both felt about ourselves and our marriage--we both smiled at eachother and laughed...<P>A side note: Shortly after d-day H got me a solid gold toe ring, with ring guards and all--as we tried to put our marriage pieces back together he gave it to me as a token of how much he loved me and wanted me to remember that - I told him then it would be my new "wedding ring" since the old one didn't look good to me anymore.<P>I no longer feel that way. <P>------------------<BR><I>No rain, no rainbows</I>

I found out about the affair when I was 6 months pregnant but continued to wear my rings until they no longer fit my puffy fingers. Even after my son was born I did not put either of them back on again because I found out that we were not in recovery as I thought but that he was involved again and covering it up better. <P>I can't stomach wearing my rings because my H does wear his and has throughout his affair. That made our rings meaningless to me - they were a symbol of our marriage and he tossed out our marriage, so why bother with the symbol?<P>That sounds harsh, but it seems hypocritical to me that he wears his ring and hasn't acted married in a long time. My MIL asked me why he still bothered to wear his ring and I said I thought it was because it was an expensive piece of jewelry that looked good on his hand.

I so so SOOOOO wanted to pitch my rings into the lake, but since no one knew what went on, I really couldn't without drawing attention to myself.<P>I'm glad I didn't. Really haven't even thought about that for a long long time.

Hi everyone,<BR>I didn't remove my rings b/c by the time I found out about the A, it was over. I always felt married even if H didn't so my rings were a part of my daily life. Besides, I like my rings - they're pretty and I deserve them.<BR>Take care,<BR>Ronnie

Had12many,<P>At first I kept my rings on as a sign of my commitment to my H but then I remembered that at our wedding he said "take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity"...they were a sign of his comitment to me not mine to him...maybe I was being a little petty but it was how I was feeling.<P>I took my rings off in January and gave them back to my H. I told him I wouldn't put them on myself again...it was up to him...he would have to place them there with the vows and commitment that came along with them. It kind of empowered me. I had been feeling like I had no control over my marriage and this action gave me a little of the control I desired so much.<P>I still don't have the rings on although my H is committed to the marriage now. He wants to buy new rings, go on a vacation alone and renew our vows. All this isn't really financially posible right now but we hope to make it happen soon.<P>BTW my H wears his wedding band again though...something he didn't wear for a long time.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Hi, all<P>When she would not stop seeing the OM I actually through the ring across the room at her. As many others had stated, the ring was a symbol of what at the time ment nothing anymore.<P>FHL<BR>Same here hav'nt thought about that in a long time.<P>------------------<BR>"Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world."<BR>- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I did and still do wear the ring that represents our union. However, my original ring was stolen during a break in and was replaced with the one I wear now.<P>My H wore his the entire A... she hated it and asked him not to wear it, but he never took it off. Once, when he was going on a golfing trip, I put his ring on my finger and didn't give it back for a long time. She was thilled that I had the ring. I gave it back to him and she got angry... poor baby!<P>I too want to get him a new ring... can't stand the thought of where or what that ring has come in contact with!!! I would also like to renew our vows.<P>Take care,<BR>Cathy

I never ever took my ring off until I found out about A. Now, I still wear it, but I talk it off as soon as I get home from work and put it back on the next morning. I still feel married, but obviously have been thinking about whether I still need to be wearing it. H has never really worn his much because of his job. Now, it doesn't fit. So he couldn't wear it even if he wanted to.

I took off the rings and told WS that I was about to flush them down the toilet but was advised that maybe I can sell them off or recast the stone. I cannot remember where I have placed them now.<P>WS took me one weekend to Tiffany's to buy a lovely ring but I didn't want any, however beautiful. I told him I didn't want anyhing to put on my finger to symbolise sham. I can't even wear the watch he bought me.

I took it of ... put it on ... took it off and threw it across the room ... found it and out it on ... took it off and crushed it in my hand ... took it to be cleaned and fixed, then put it on ... took it off and carried it on my key chain ... all with in the first few weeks. It now sits on my dresser. The last couple of times I put it back on we got into some pretty nasty arguments so now I leave it off for superstitious reasons; I don't want to fight like that anymore.

Took mine off on d-day. Crushed with a pliers and tossed it at her. Gave it back to me, I melted it (very little gold in there...) saved the nugget as one would save an old tooth filling.<P>This weekend we are going to the jewelers. She will pick out a new ring for me, I will help her pick out a new set of earrings for her. (OM got her the earrings wholesale. She sold them for cheap after d-day, in the midst of purging all things of A).<P>Before the end of the year we will re-take our marriage vows.<BR><P>------------------<BR>*************************<BR>Thronx - one of the statistics....<BR>*************************

Wow, I never expected to get this type of emotional responses!<P>I have always felt that my ring meant alot more to me that it ever did for my wife, she wore hers on and off for the 14 years we have been married, but hasn't worn hers really at all in the last 2 years.<P>To me the ring is a symbol of our connection, and our commitment to the marriage, and when I had it off, I really had an emply feeling, that I was breaking my end of the vows somehow.....I was not ready to do that, so I put it back on, and I feel much better today.<P>Mike