I had a counseling session with Steve on Monday and he asked if H would talk to him. I said I don't know, I would ask. Steve was very clear. He said, "Tell him the counseling is for you, you want to work on you. Tell him I won't tell him what to do, I just want to hear his side to get the whole picture."<P>I'm a cryer, so I decided to email him instead to take the emotion out of it. I didn't hear from for 2 days and decided to call last night and ask if he had any questions about the email. <P>Basically, he asked if he had to do it. I said no. Then he wanted to know if it would cost him anything, I said no I'd be paying for it. Then he began to get upset and said I don't like what's happening. So I asked, what do you think is happening, he didn't answer. Then he said, if I say no I'm going to feel guilty. I said, don't feel guilty if you're not comfortable with it I'll tell him no. Then he began huffing over the phone and ended it by saying, I'll talk to you later.<P>I'm pretty sure I won't be hearing from him in awhile. This was a lovebust for sure. I was very calm, just answered his question. I know he is going through MLC and that this type of anger is part of how he treats me, but it seems like I can't say anything without him getting upset. <P>I'm backing off for awhile. I can't take anymore of this right now. Please help me keep things in perspective. Did I really do something to lovebust?<P>Help, Many Tears

Many,<P>Doesn't seem like a LB to me. You made a simple request and left him with a graceful out. You asked calmly. Hardly a LB.<P>It sounds like he is in a major MLC if he can't engage in a simple conversation without flying off the handle.<P>Maybe taking a little break to give him something to think about is a good idea for your peace.<P>Bob

Many Tears-<BR>I made the same request of my H last week. I don't know if this will work for you, but I told my H that I was trying real hard to be happy. I want to be able to put our relationship in perspective, which is why I called Steve Harley. During the conversation with Steve, he asked if my H would be willing to talk to him to get his perspective so that Steve would better be able to help me. I explained to my H that it would just be one time, unless H ended up wanting to talk to him more. My H had a lot of questions about why I was choosing a phone session rather that one in real life. I told him that I was comfortable with the approach that Steve uses, which is why I called him- not just any phone session, but Steve in particular.<P>To make a long story short, my H agreed to talk to him- all for me and my well-being, nothing to do with our marriage at this point. Will this work for you? Or is this what you told your H?<BR>

Dynamo -- Thanks, it's reassuring that someone doesn't think it's a love bust.<P>Cloudy -- How you presented to your H is similar to what I presented. It should have been a simple conversation, I also gave him some time to think about it before I called.<P>Thanks you guys for sharing. My hearts really feeling it today!

Hi Many Tears:<P>You know there are times during all this mess that WS are willing to do anything necessary to put their marriage back together...but that time has to be when they're ready. <P>Obviously your H was not ready...he tried everything to get out of it...ignoring your email...questioning the cost...the benefit...anything he could think of...and then he just shut down.<P>I don't think this was a LB...just something he didn't want to do...you didn't force it..gave him an out...it just freaked him out altogether. My H's like this...he doesn't want to talk to anyone who might shake his little house of cards. H needs more time.<P>All you can do is back off like you're doing and wait until he's ready. But certainly don't blame yourself. After a while...if you don't press him...he may come around and agree to do it.<P>Faye

Thank you Faye! Not being in touch with him is the most difficult. It's hard to imagine that back in early March, we were cuddling, kissing, holding hands, hugging, everything. I thought we BOTH were happy. We are both touchy/feely people, so I just miss him terribly!! <P>It was always difficult for him to communicate his discontent (conflict avoider), so when I say this came as a shock to me, it really was! I saw the small and minor MLC signs, wish I took them more seriously and talked about them then. Woulda, shoulda, coulda, huh? Sigh...<P>Have a peaceful weekend, blessings, MT

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>