Hi guys, <P>I was sending an online greeting card to my W today. I was looking thru poetry trying to find something that expressed how I felt and I came across this that brought a tear to my eye. It was perfect to send to Susan(which I did), but it also made me think of the two of you.<P>Love you both,<BR>--DeWayne--<P> <B>All That Matters</B><BR> by Sinhanada<P> When I look at you,<BR> I see a light that’s burning bright,<BR> With the love that’s meant to be.<BR> Still I can’t work out,<BR> How our love can be so strong,<BR> When all around us crumbles to dust.<BR> We’ve been through tears and pain,<BR> And yet we still see the sun together.<BR> A love that’s meant to be for always.<P> When life becomes too much to take,<BR> A thought of you can scare those fears away,<BR> For I know it’s in you I put my trust,<BR> My hopes and dreams and fears,<BR> And you’re always there.<P> You’re too special to lose,<BR> Too much is at stake to throw it all away.<BR> The thought of that is too much to take.<BR> You’re all that matters to me.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heartpain:<BR><B>Hi guys, <P>but it also made me think of the two of you.<P>Love you both,<BR>--DeWayne-</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OH MY GOSH........ <P>the power within this little box on this desk still never fails to astound me....a 'stranger'...on the other side of the continent, in another country, through the typed word...can reach across space and time and touch a heart....<P><BR>you thought of us?!!!!!!....just like that...I am stunned....WOW.........<P>thank you DeWayne.....thank you......<P>((((((((((((DeWayne & Susan)))))))))))))<P>what beautiful sentiments...<P>the poem is indeed beautiful...and how true..I hope your wife enjoyed it and was as moved as I was...<P>now, my friend, from whom I have not heard an update in ages............how are you?....<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

Hi, Dylan...<P>I do think about you guys a lot, but I think what really created the connection with the poem was your daily journal(say, we haven't seen an update for a while). You have a great talent for putting feelings into words and it was easy to see the pain you feel as well as the pull to Deut.<P>You want an update?? Well, there isn't much to tell. We have been the same for the last four months. We get along well, except for the occasional fight. Those seem to be caused by my frustration at no progress, as well as the fact she seems to be ignoring or not understanding how I feel.<P>She has been ill with influenza for the past month. Had it pretty bad for a couple of weeks, started to get better, and then it returned full force. She is finally feeling a bit better now. Her work has been her life since the middle of August. She has worked nearly every weekend. The stress is showing.<P>A few weeks ago, she brought home a video tape from the "Fighting for your Marriage" series about conflict resolution. We do need help in that department. The intent is to watch it together, but there just hasn't been a good time yet.<P>I don't know what the status is of OM now. She told me as late as a week ago Friday that there is nothing there, but that is all she will say. I have told her that that has been her story since d-day and without us talking about him, her, me and what happened, I have no real way of knowing if this is true. I actually told her that she said the same thing when we both knew it was a lie, so what else is there that would make be believe it now? I think the way I put it to her was to say, "At what point did it become the truth". We had an argument and then a talk before I left for Europe a week ago and I told her that it was going to be necessary for us to talk about OM, etc. or we couldn't heal. She just said that she does not want to talk about it.<P>OK, I understand that it might be painful, but d-day was almost 19 months ago. I cannot stay married to her unless we confront these topics, but I don't know how long I can be patient. That's my problem I know, but that is the way it is.<P>At least half the time she is very affectionate towards me, but those "times of intimacy" occur now only every 4-8 weeks. Shoot, it was at least once every week or two during most of this time. It's just been since May or so that we've gone into this slump. There is just no desire on her part until she has the physical "cravings". Don't know how to fix that, maybe it's just something she has to do herself.<P>You know, there is no doubt about the amount of love we share, but with that said, even people who love each other a great deal cannot stay married. Maybe we are one of those couples, I don't know. <P>Anyway, that's my update in a nutshell. And it was sure a struggle to keep it that short, but the gist is there.<P>Now it's your turn, how are you guys??<P>Luv ya,<P>--DeWayne--

Hi Guys, <P>I figure it's safe to jump in here... mostly because of something you said, DeWayne:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>even people who love each other a great deal cannot stay married<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is David and me.<P>I just wanted to elaborate on that thought a bit.<P>David was here this morning, and we had another of our by now famous Saturday morning chats. We laughed, we cried, it was the feel good movie of the year - just kidding about the last part. We talked about our future together as parents of our children even though we will be very far apart. He told me he nearly called me last night to beg me to reconsider my move and come back to him, stop the divorce. But he couldn't do it. <P>I gave him a gift: my first Bible after I was "saved". I was fifteen and my beloved Grandmother presented it to me. I wanted him to have something infused with good energy. Something to remember me by. <P>Our divorce is final in 23 days. Amazing, in a way. A relief, a sorrow. See, even though I am beginning a new life with a new man, I am still sad for the loss. I honestly *do* think that I will love David forever somehow. Not as a husband, of course, but as the man who shared my life for 20 years, gave me children whom I adore, held me when I was sick, prayed over me. And of course, I remember all that we were as a couple. There were many good years. <P>I guess I just feel safe, here in the middle of my favorite people, saying that I am still hurting from the loss of my marriage. I see happiness coming to me shortly, and it will be without the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. There is a stinging with that realization. But, as I've said before, divorce is kinda like bankruptcy (BK)... a way to wipe the slate clean and begin again. Like BK, There is a stigma associated with it, and it's hard to trust again, for both parties, but it does afford the opportunity to "do it right" the next time.<P>Dylan and DeWayne, I love you both so much. I wish you both much happiness and healing. Lord knows we all need it.<P>Much, much LOVE,<P>Sheryl

Hi Sheryl,<P>It's always safe to jump in here...<P>You really seem to be getting back to the place you were almost a year ago. You know what you want and how to get it. You also know I love you too. You were always there for me when things were darkest and threw me a life preserver when I needed it.<P>I believe you are right when you speak of divorce being a way to "wipe the slate clean". It can also work that way for those who want to stay together and sometimes may be the only way to "save" a marriage.<P>In our case, however, we don't really need to start over, just patch some holes and re-paint. I just hope that Susan is willing to do that. No matter whether you are just "patching" or starting over, there is much work involved and both parties must accept that and be willing to do it.<P>Health, much happiness and healing to you, too, my dear friend.<P>Love,<P>--DeWayne--<P>P.S. Your gift to David was very special and, I believe, very appropriate.