I do not really know why so many questions are coming up right now, but for some reason, I think that my H and I are at a pivotal point in our relationship and I'm questioning the best way to handle the stuff that's coming up.<P>A couple of nights ago, by H asked where my positive attitude and motivation was coming from. He wanted to know what I expected to happen between us and what I wanted to happen. He had a lot of questions about this forum and the principles here and asked me what made me believe in them so strongly.<P>He was also careful to point out that he was not complaining- he likes the changes. He is concerned that I'm putting too much time and energy into our relationship and feel too strongly that it will work out. There is another fine line- I do think it's necessary for me to work through what happened in our marriage, identify my part in it and take appropriate responsibility, and make changes within me to be a better person regardless of what happens with us. However, I also want him to know that our marriage is important to me and I do want to make it work.<P>I know that educating your S is supposed to be a LB. I am at a loss as to how to handle these questions from him without educating.<P>Also important- H finally did Lovebuster Questionnaire and Emotional Needs checklist. This is in response to my first session with Steve Harley- purpose is to help me work through this stuff and not to rebuild the marriage. Anyway, openness and honesty is his #2 EN (I found this really strange from my WS H with all the dishonesty that goes along with an affair). Anyway, one of my personality traits that he really admires is honesty. On the questionnaires, he indicated that he is extremely satisfied (6) with current honesty and openness and perceives that I have never been dishonest with him.<P>So, my question... how do I answer his questions openly and honestly without educating too much? I think I may have educated a little too much in our last conversation- he is a little distant again. I have offered books or articles so he can read and see how I came to the conclusions that I have. He sometimes acts a little interested, but has never taken anything.<P>Oh, and something else that I realized- though I bought a Harley book about 18 months ago and tried to identify my LB and stop doing them and made an effort to identify his ENs and meet them, he didn't notice any of this until after D-Day. His perception is that I have made many changes in both areas (LB & EN), but they didn't start until our conversation where he admitted A (about 6 weeks ago). I guess the non-LB way I handled that conversation opened his eyes and allowed him to see. This also happens to correspond with H and OW having difficulty and significantly decreasing their communication.<P>So.... I just can't seem to not be wordy. Anybody have any suggestions on how to handle these questions from him?

If he ASKS, simply answer the question that he asks. It is difficult for some of us women to do that - we are very verbal. Men tend to want only the simple answer to the question they ask.<P>For example, if he asks you where are you getting your positive attitude and motivation from, answer that you have been doing a lot of self reflection and self assessment and realized that you had some self improvement to do - that through this self reflection you have found a reserve of positive energy that you didn't realize you had - and that is where both the attitude and motivation are coming from.<P>As for his thought that you are putting too much time and energy into your relationship, and the feeling too strongly that it will work, perhaps you can just let him know that you are simply doing what you believe is the right thing to do.<P>The simplest honest answer is best. Something that does not challenge him or put him on the defensive, but a direct answer to his question.<P>Hoping this has helped in some way.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Terri<BR>Thanks for your reply. It does help and as you can tell from most of my posts, I do tend to be wordy and probably tell him a lot more than the answer to his question. The biggest challenge is when he questions me about this forum and the principles. These questions have been increasing lately. <P>He has a session with Steve Harley scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. I am nervous! Hope it goes well. <P>Again, thanks for your reply. I'll try to keep it simple!

Cloudy,<P>He's probably really thinking about the things your saying..and is really interested in knowing..so share them with him..let him think on them..and go from there..