Hi everyone,I`ve been lurking here for a few months now. you all have helped me more than you will ever know. here`s our story. M for 12yrs. 1 S between us 3D`s are mine. A started Nov. 99 d-day Jan 2000 H left job April 00 phone contact only until Oct.5. H is of course going thru withdrawl I`ve been plan Aing since Feb-March most of the time it`s a good plan A I have had my slip ups.Right now I`m feeling the "it`s all one sided feeling." I`m so tired of being lonely. I definitly want my marriage to stay in tact but some days, like today, Ihave a real hard time with the patience needed. I`m counseling with Steve and that helps. My H has talkrd to Steve once next time he wants to talk to both of us together. Not sure if H is going to yet. I guess I want to know how to talk to my H about all of this. I`m always so afraid of saying the wrong thing so I say nothing. Ifeel we need to talk about this Am I wrong? Ineed help in what to say.

Dear ilh<P>Why don't you write down your feelings and thoughts in a long letter with all the raw and true emotions first.<P>Then read and reread the letter. Underline or highlight the key issues and put them down in point forms on another piece of paper, and jot down the question next to it. You can edit the questions without losing the essence of it. Take that paper along with you to the counsellor and take notes against the Qs when given counsel. <P>Pray for guidance from God.<P>Hope it helps<P>God Bless You<BR>weep

Weep, thank you for your reply. I have written several letters to my H. I usually give them to him and of course he says nothing about them. I will try your suggestion the next time we talk to Steve. God has gotten me thru thus far I don`t know where I would be if my faith was not as strong as it is. I pray daily for strength for my H and myself. I know it`s a waiting game, but somedays it drives me nuts.

ilovehim:<P>You replied to one of my posts, and I thank you for that. Sounds like we are seeing some of the same behavior (isn't that common here). I know how hard it is, feeling that it is all one sided. That is pretty much my situation, and who knows how long it might be like that.<P>My wife plans on moving in the near future. it was to be in less than 3 weeks, when she gets possession of her new house, but even today she said maybe she'll wait another month or two till she can accumulate more stuff. Also, she then said "who knows, maybe I'll be gone for only 3 weeks and come back, I just don't know" We can make a profit off of my house." Talk about confused. We still sleep in the same bed, and inadvertantly (or maybe on purpose) we snuggle, and she uses me as a leg rest. Yet she has another man, but of course will not admit that. I believe that he has not offered her a future, and she just hangs on hoping or because she is addicted to being with him. In any event, I get frustrated like you because I figure if she still hasn't decided 100% that she wants to be apart, then why not at least a little effort towards us. But, she is in the classic fog, and probably can't think about us now.<P>I'm rambling, but mainly wanted to say that I totally understand what you feel, and I think you are doing a good job. It is very hard to try and find things to say, conversations that are safe, get feelings across, etc. I have problems with that. But I think you are handling it well (from your post in my thread), so keep it up. I'm sure you'll experience many weird days while he is in withdrawal, but the fact that he has talked to Steve, and not talked about leaving, are good things. You've got that to think about. As long as you have him there, and in your bed, and you are Plan Aing, you are doing well and are somewhat in the drivers seat.<P>Keep it up and remember the old "patience, time, consistency". I had a strange day with my situation, so I need to post something myself. Take care.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited October 17, 2000).]

Hi ILoveHim:<P>Withdrawal is hard, but it's a necessary thing for him to go through to let go of OW...look at it as though it were an addiction...and he's willing to go through it because he feels its for the best.<P>But this fight takes all his effort day by day and may not leave much left over for you (and you need it so badly)...if you can stay the fight and go the distance...helping him along the way...then someday it should begin to get better, and he will be able to begin to repay all the agony you have gone through in the last year.<P>It's like having a baby...not at all pleasant when you're going through it...but well worth it for the joy you get in return, and in time memory of the pain fades and just the joy remains.<P>Faye <BR>