Hi Lora,<P>Just wondering how you are doing. Have you heard from your H yet. Let us know how things are.<P>Love and blessings, Many Tears

hi MT,<BR>Thanks for asking. I am doing OK. I had a productive weekend doing yard work and even doing some projects that H had been putting off for years. I felt quite self sufficient.<BR>I took a walk on Sunday... I had forgot how good that feels, and vow to do it more often.<P>No, I haven't heard from the Sileint One. 5 weeks tomorrow. I feel so lonely sometimes and picture my life going on like this forever, work, live alone trying to get together with a friend now and then. It seems pretty overwhelming and depressing. <P>Actually when I started having that feeling of all I do is work and sleep, I remembered H saying... Work ,eat , sleep, thats all I do. Then he started to go out with OW after work... something to look forward to. I can see so clearly how it happened. <P>So, on it goes. I am wondering if I should start sending him newsy little letters, then I think he needs time and I should let him contact me so I dont know what to do. Any opinions?<BR>Lora<P>

Hi Lora:<P>Been wondering how you are too. It is bad being alone isn't it...but you know what, I bet we're not the only one who's not that happy...if only we could be a fly on the wall for an hour...huh.<P>At least you're in the comfort of your home, while he is stuck in a crummy apartment...I remind myself of all the things I have that he doesn't... my children, friend and family (and husband's family)...my computer...a telephone...cable TV...central air and heat...clean sheets and clothes...a clean house...a peaceful,resful life without constant conflict...and me.<P>What more could I ask....well, I'd still like to have the rascal back if only to have someone to rub my back when it hurts.<BR>But he's where he needs to be right now for him...he's got lessons to learn and miles to go before he sleeps. <P>I'll be here when he get tired. How about you?<P>Faye<P><BR>

Hi Faye,<P>Yes, I am so glad I kept the house, it is a comfort to me and gives me projects to do as well.<P>I wish he was out in the cold and rain, but hes probably quite happy going out freely with OW and his new friends. Somehow I just can't picture him spending more than a fleeting thought on me. Maybe he misses the cat. I don't think he will be into introspection and learning if there is any other choice. Sorry, turning into a pessimist here. I think I will go into shock if he ever does contact me.<P>I am here, still working on myself, still loving him, still with that last bit of hope. But every day that goes by it fades a little more. I wonder if this was an exit affair, how do you know for sure?<P>Thanks for posting to me, I have been feeling so alone, its nice to know you all are still out there.<BR>Lora<BR>

Lora,<BR>I always lived a pretty quiet life while we were separated--except for the last separation. I was the one getting the kids around, and most of the time, it was enough, but looking back, I was also home in the evenings because I was tired & depressed. I was also building resentment.<P>Be sure you are doing the things you want to do. It's ok to be quiet, if that is what you want, just keep a good monitor on yourself. I'd also recommend exercising regularly--it gets you out of the house, and even if you don't talk to people, you see stuff and I know my brain & body just handled the stress better.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Hi Lora,<P>Glad to hear that you are okay and hanging in there. If it's any consolation, during the time when H was on his own and dating OW he gave people the impression that he was having fun and doing great.<P>Well, when I finally heard from him, he told me he was not in love with her, that he missed me, that he was unhappy, but still didn't know what to do. Those words were music to my ears, but it hasn't moved us any closer together. He still dates her and I don't get it. Anyway, we haven't spoken for about 2 weeks now and I have no intention of calling him. <P>This situation bites, and I am not going to let him have his cake and eat it too. You know spending time alone is the hardest thing in the beginning because we have been with our spouses for so many years. Then suddenly they are gone, and we are empty vessels crying our hearts out. But, we get stronger and we treat ourselves better.<P>H is in a crummy apartment, too. I've never seen it and he hasn't invited anyone to his place to see, including his family and long time friends (because there's nothing to see). He borrowed a friends folding picnic table to place in the studio, he has a folding mattress as his bed, took the love seat, and my 13" tv test. Not exactly the ideal bachelor pad!! I'm hoping he'll wake up one morning look around and see how pathetic his situation his, smell the coffee, and not just smell it but drink it!!!<P>Don't contact him in any shape or form, let him come to you. Come here for support and to family and friends. H's family have been loving and supportive, we've always been very tight. OW thinks he should introduce her to his family (she must be stupid!) so that they can get to know her. Gag, aagh, yuck, lol<P>Anyway, take care and stay in touch here! Blessings, MT