I have to share this with someone. I am dying inside.<BR>The last contact that I knew my H had with his bimbo was July '99.<BR>I not been able to say we were in recovery. He was doing so many of the right things. But I was stuck. Always watching my back. Always afraid. Now I understand.<BR>I just found some phone bills that I was never supposed to see. he has called her house at least 5 times in the last 6 months. Some obviously answering machine. Not a lot of contact. But does it really matter?<BR>He has been lying. <BR>I don't know how many times he has called her from a pay phone. I don't know how many times he has seen her. He has lied over and over.<BR>My story is very long and sordid for those of you that don't know it. 7 years of "friendship" before the affair.<BR>I am numb.<BR>Peppermint if you are reading....I know you understand. Maybe this is why I felt so understanding of your situation. My gut instinct?<BR>My H is out of town "working" down near bimboland. I left a message on his phone.Several actually. Very calm. No screaming yelling. A little sarcasm folloing the "Hello my lying H ..." I don't give two hoots about lovebusters at this point. I called her house....funny....answering machine. I did leave a message.<BR>This is just a vent. I am alone. I have no one to talk to. I can't even begin to think what I will do. I am dead.<BR>With my brother's illness I am just emotionally exhausted. <BR>Just spent. <BR>Sorry....just had to share it somehow. I am so tired of feeling this feeling that comes with discovery. <BR>What the H**L is his problem??????<BR>

Oh God, this is a bad day here at MB.<P>You do whatever you have to do for your sanity right now. Can you call someone to be with you? <P>You are not dead, but I know how you feel. We all do here. Dead would be easier...but we don't do the easy things, like running out to get a divorce at the first signs of trouble, like getting involved in affairs because they "feel good", like letting down everyone that knows and loves us. We chose the hard path somewhere along the way. You have gone down that path, and are again having to travel it...like so many of us. We can look in the mirror in the morning, baggy eyes and all, and say that we did the right things...no matter what.<P>I'm sorry, so sorry about what you found. It's better that you know...as much as it sucks.<P>Keep posting, please. It's gonna be a long night around here.<P>allison

Dear wasstubborn,<P>I am so sorry about this, and yes I absolutely know how you feel. You're right about the instincts too, they are right most of the time.<P>I can relate to the fact that you weren't fully recovering, but that your husband was doing many of the right things and making you believe that the contact was over.<P>As painful as this is, it is the truth: If a cheating spouse doesn't want to end the affair they will continue it. And they will just get sneakier and better at lying and hiding it.<P>There is a reason the contact is continuing, and there is no good reason for it. The fact that he is hiding it shows that he knows he is doing something wrong, but he is not ready to give you up for the OW either.<P>Confront him as quickly and and as calmly as you can. Be strong and firm, but don't make any threats you are not ready to stand by. Absolutely let him know how much this hurts you and how unacceptable it is. If you are not ready for Plan B, get into counseling ASAP and insist that he go with you.<P>I went with firestorm to see his counselor yesterday. She wanted to meet with me and discuss the next phase of counseling. She is absolutely fabulous, and what she told us applied exactly to you also, wasstubborn.<P>She told me that: I am the innocent victim; it is all about ME right now; that it is firestorm's responsibility to take full responsibility without excuses or justification; that he absolutely must face the destruction that he has caused and accept complete ownership of it; that having an affair is the most selfish act that a completely selfish person can commit; that the changes required to end an affair and atone for it must come from within the betrayer; that the betrayed spouse MUST protect themselves from further damage by any means necessary; that before marriage counseling can be effective the betrayer must face the truth and deal with any internal problems (i.e. depression, narcissism, etc.). She has recommended intense therapy for firestorm and identified several problems that he must deal with to make necessary changes that will allow us to move forward and me to be willing to open my heart to him again.<P>Wasstubborn, I know the feeling of having the wound torn open again just as it was starting to heal. It is survivable, but it will take both of you. You can make it without your husband's help, but if you have to heal without him it will damage your relationship possible beyond repair. Make him face the truth and accept his ownership for this horrible situation.<P>Unfortunately, continuing contact between the cheating spouse and the OP is a lot more frequent that any of us want to admit. It would be wonderful if discovery ended affairs, but it often doesn't. Instead, it buries the affair even deeper. I have come to think of affairs somewhat like vampires- they can only survive in darkness and they thrive by draining the lifeblood out of innocent victims. This affair needs to be exposed to the bright sunshine and you must stop allowing your life to be drained by it.<P>Please respond, and let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to make you feel better. I know the hurt of discovering that the man you love is a lying cheat, even if you already knew it from before. That does not mean that he will always be that way, but it does mean that he has a lot of work to do to save your relationship.<P>I will be praying for you in hopes that you will find some comfort and have this burden eased. You are not alone in this heartache, and I think you need to release your hurt and anger, even if it takes a little lovebusting to do it.<P>Peppermint

<B>Wassi</B><P>Hi sweetie. I am here for you. I know it is probably not much of a comfort. After all we are only close as cyberland will allow. I am however here for you and pretty much feeling what I assume you must be feeling. I am so very sorry. This is the pitts. <P>I wish I had some concrete advise for you. I don't. <P>I can tell you to take a deep breathe. Cry all the tears that I think you are keeping inside. Pray, of course Pray. Write down all your feelings. Call a friend. <P>I am so angry at your husband. I could just throttle him. He should get on his knees and thank the good Lord that none of us here on the site can physically get to him. He'd be black and blue for a long while I am sure. I know violence isn't the answer to this. Just when you can't get through to someone you think maybe if you hit them smack between the eyes they will finally awaken. <P>Honey you aren't dead. You are numb. You are exhausted. You are weary. You have been through so very much. He is being such a jerk. I am totally astounded. <P>I am too angry to write more. Sorry I will come back later and try again. <P>For now <B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wassi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P>I love you lady. Many of us do here. Keep posting. Keep talking. Come on please. We are all going to worry so.<P> <P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><BR><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited October 17, 2000).]

Wassi,<P>Ditto to Samantha's remarks...<P>Love Ya,<P>Bill

Guys.....I'm here......Thank you so much....can't talk now....thank you all of you....so glad that this wonderful place....you wonderful people are here....saves lives.

Wassi,<P><BR>God I am so sorry. What a blow. Just know that I have said a little prayer for you. Take time to really think what you want and what you can not live with. Then act. <P>Just wanted you to know I know what it feels like. Nothing like getting hit in the gut yet again. Saturday I ended up having to have dinner with one of Tony's women. Over the summer he tried to sleep with his sister's best friend. Uggh got to hate these stupid men!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wassi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I pass back the two by four. I think I had it last. Please know that I am here for you in cyber life.

Oh Wassi , I am so so sorry that he has been so so stupid ! I am even sorrier for how much you are hurting. <P>I'll be checking the board as often as I can tonight (gotta take a shot ) and I will be praying. <P>Has he called you back yet ? Any explainations ? Not like that would help alot right now.<P>(The line for the lynch mob forms to the left guys.) <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Dear Wasstuborn,Please print this and post it on your fridge!!!! Yes you are Dear!!!<BR> <BR>you are authentic,<BR>you are brave,<BR>you are caring,<BR>you are dear,<BR>you are earnest,<BR>you are fair,<BR>you are Godly,<BR>you are honorable,<BR>you are incredible,<BR>you are just,<BR>you are kind,<BR>you are loving,<BR>you are merciful,<BR>you are nice,<BR>you are open,<BR>you are patient,<BR>you are quieting,<BR>you are regal,<BR>you are special,<BR>you are tender,<BR>you are unselfish,<BR>you are valiant,<BR>you are wise,<BR>you are X-tra ordinary!<BR>you are zealous............<BR>Wassi, you are someone very special, God made you to be someone very specia!! <p>[This message has been edited by lizam (edited October 19, 2000).]

still really hard to talk.<BR>Every one of you has helped so much. will be reading most of the night I imagine. Will try to reply later.<BR>I know he has heard my messages...checked his voicemail. I am making plans. That's all I can say now except I love you all and I can feel your prayers.

WasStubborn, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I know it is hard not to think about it because we wanted to know the truth. No, you are not dead, but just going through the hard part in life.<BR>The sun will shine on you and your family someday. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.<P>OOOO

Dear Wassi,<BR>You knew....at least you thought there were times when things just did not add up. YOu are going to be fine Maggie, remember that.<BR>You have e-mail!!!<BR>How do you think he would react if you told the liar you would mail him his clothes? <BR>Sorry to sound so pissy, but for those of you that do not know wassi, this has been a pretty tough yr with little support from h. <BR>Enclose a plan b letter? Plan a has been for almost 2 yrs wassi....I think our time frames almost match? Time for another approach?<BR>Wassi, focus on yourself, your family, the 'boys'. Time for a break? Maybe a few days away would give you time to clear your head and think abt how to handle this. <BR>YOu are dearly loved by so many people. You are truly a wonderful inspiration to so many on a daily basis. Listen to your heart wassi.<BR>Mega (((((((wassi))))))

<B>Wassi</B><P>Just wanted to say goodnight. I have to go to bed. I have to get up in the morning and go to work. <P>I still haven't come up with any concrete advise. Have lots of thoughts, they just aren't fit for type at the moment. <P>I will be praying, thinking of you and sending tons of love your way. <P>One of your mighty bond fires is all I can think of at the moment, and if you don't mind I will be sharing it with you from cyberville. I have a few things I'd like to toss on the raging flames.<P><B>God, please take care of my wonderful freind Wassi...she needs an extra portion right now. Amen</B><P>Hugs sweetie, <P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited October 17, 2000).]

Wassi,<BR>I am so sorry. Please just think of you right now. Do what you need to do to feel better. These guys are so so selfish sometimes. Peppermint, I love what your therapist said - can we clone her? Wassi listen here. Just remember this is not about you. You are magnificent, lady....<P>Ugghhh...they just don't deserve what we have offered them sometimes do they? <P>I need to turn in but you will be in my prayers.<P>Starpony

Dearest Wassi,<P>I'm getting to your Post kinda late, but want you to know that I saw it and am responding.<P>I'm sorry that you are in this terrible situation right now. It seemed that things were going well for you, but I suppose your H learned how to get even sneakier.<P>What a fear that is. I still don't trust my H and hope that he isn't in contact with that Barfly. You never know when to put your guard down. In my case, I probably will always have my guard up.<P>I wish that I could take your pain away. I hope that your H will soon have his final wake-up call and realize this horrible, selfish & cruel thing he is doing to you, by staying in contact with the OW.<P>Do what you feel in your heart is right. We'll all be here for you.<P>Hugs....

((((((wassi)))))<P>I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I've been in this place more times than I would have ever dreamed.<P>God does not give us more than we can bear. At this time, you will have to go very deep within yourself to find the strength to get through this. Its there. <P>Prayers to you,<BR>Enlightened

<P>You will have mail soon, my friend!

I don't know what to say.<BR>You are all so fabulously wonderful.<BR>I check in and there are all these wonderful people that I have grown to care so much about.<BR>Tears streaming down my face. I promise a reply to each of you in the AM if I can. I am reading every word and it means so much.<P>This is worse than the first D-day. I have just wasted one more year on lies and deciet.<BR>What is the problem. I have told him over and over...if she is what you want please lets get this over with.<BR>It was only days ago that he swore he hadn't lied to me in so long....<P>Every single day is a lie.<BR>I'm so sorry. I have no where else to go and I have to get this out. <BR>My kids are here. They must not go through this again. I have to be strong for them.<P>I know that H has heard my messages. I called his hotel. The little backwater Clerk said he was there but not answering. He is digging his own grave. He is a coward.<P>Thank you all. I have lurked here daily ...wanted to post...wanted to help...somewhere inside I knew there was something wrong..couldn't put my finger on it. Didn't want to depress all of you who are trying so hard. <P>you are all angels.

Now you have mail!<P>I do want to add, however, if he is in contact with Bimbette, I doubt if it is because she is floating his boat.<P>I think it is because he doesn't have the spine to turn a deaf ear to her. On some level she is getting to him either with helplessness or because she is holding the cards and could out him.<P>Believe me, I am not giving your H any compliments here. In fact, I am about as filled with distain and disgust as can be.<P>I just don't think it is about you or even about her. I think it is your H's inability to take a firm stand and follow through.<P>He doesn't want to lose you, he just doesn't have what it takes turn away and do what is right.<P>She must have the ability to make him feel like a bad guy and he just doesn't want to cast himself in that role.<P>Maybe I'll edit this in the morning, but what a weenie!<p>[This message has been edited by FaithHopeLove (edited October 17, 2000).]

okay....got a little sanity...<P>Allison<BR>Thank you so much for responding. I have been following you. I know I haven't posted to you all the times that I wanted to. I know you understand.<P>Peppermint<BR>(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))<BR>Taking every word to heart. This wound is so torn over and over I don't think right now it could possibly heal. I wish somehow that firestorm could talk to my H. He just doesn't get the concept of honesty. He never will. <P>Samantha<BR>You know how much I want to say and how much I can't. You know where I am...where I've been...now I'm lost. no strength left.<P>Bill<BR>Just seeing your name made me cry. Thank you for caring.<P>Paha<BR>Been watching you too. Haven't been able to post in weeks. This really is crap isn't it?<BR>How do they look in the mirror?<BR>I asked my H that when I finally got a hold of him. No answer.<P>Deb<BR>You can still make me smile in the rain. Yes he is STUPID. Wanted to say that about Mike last week. <BR>I talked to him. on the phone. Wasn't very nice. Didn't let him talk. Don't care at this point. I don't like this game anymore.<P>lizam<BR>been checking on you too. Funny how all the people I wanted to post to keep showing up here. Thank you for all your wonderful words. I really needed a boost and you knew it. Know I am thinking of you too.<P>OOOO<BR>You too. I have been keeping up on everyone and saying prayers. Thank you!<P>cl<BR>You have mail. I need a kick in the butt my friend. Promise you'll be there...please.<P>Sweetpea<BR>My old friend. Was checking up on you this AM. At another board. Almost posted as carmel there. I know you are there my friend. I'm so glad.<P>Starpony<BR>The one positive in this? I get to see your name. <BR>You are right...they don't deserve what we give them.<P>Survivor<BR>Been here ...done this Huh?<BR>Don't know what to do. The kids come first. For now. The end is in sight. I am so tired.<P>Enlightened<BR>Thank you! tonight.....it just isn't there. Maybe tomorrow. I am without hope now. This has gone on far too long. <P>FHL<BR>You have mail too. Somehow I knew you would be here tonight. Thank you. from the bottom of my heart...all of you.