Sorry this is long but I have no one to talk to here. If my friends from home know this, they will all worry more, same with family, & it is hard to tell people you don't know, even though he is a total jerk, I hate for people to know that about him.<P>My H has been involved with the OW for about 18 mths. we have not lived together, he moved back in; then went back & forth: in May he was offered a job overseas, we made the decision to move, that this was the only way we could work things out & we both wanted to work things out if only for our sons. He has a hard time breaking with her, he leaves & we will follow a mth later, during this time he writes me his doubts & I play cheerleader that we can do this. then the wk of the move he returns to the states, (visits her 1st), came home to talk, would not bring the subject up, finally I drag it out of him that , the OW had decided that she can move overseas (leave her child for a yr), ask then what do you want, he finally says, Ya'll need to come. 2 days later he leaves, with the packers in the house (stays with the OW) then the day they are putting our stuff in a container to be ship, I get e-mails, this might not be the best, we argued on e-mails, I finally let them pack it up but put a hold on everything. I call him the day before we are to leave "do you want a divorce, no, come. I end up in the ER with one of our sons, the night before we are leaving. Still planning on going, I have friends knocking on my door begging me not to go, check my e-mail one last time, I have mail from the OW, it was too much, the car comes to take us to the airport, I tell I am not going.<BR>Put it off for a wk. get e-mails from the H telling me his doubts, finally 1 in which he says he wants her, so I try & call him, can't talk to me, so I decide we will divorce, he finally calls 12 hrs later, & freaks when I say I am giving him a divorce. Says you didn't read the part that says I thought this is what I wanted but it is not. First he is angry threatens me with things, then begs me to come, as I had quite my job & would have had to go to school before I could teach again I finally agree to come. He said he do anything. <P>We arrive & the 1st wk there are constant calls from the OW, he lets me answer the phone, she hang up, after 3 wks seemed to be getting better, then a wkend when she called constantly on his cell, our apt, she's having money problems. get an e-mail from her, that I will just have to deal with her calling, I wasn't mad, just ask him for her not to call my home. we moved in to our house, don't think she has this #. couldn't tell if still going on, but no improvement in our relationship but we have been very busy with our sons. <P>the h travels quit a bit, even with the new job, could tell before this trip that there was something going, he was not sleeping, couldn't understand why he needed to go to London(my fav city), it is not in his area, heard him tell his sectary to make appt. for morning only. just knew. well check his suitcase when he return, sure enough she met him there.<P>Now what to do I do? I am living in another country, do I take my kids & leave, do I just leave or do I do nothing. We came here with no time on how long we would be here, it could be the end of the school yr (my guess is this is what he is now planning).<P>I was going to comfort him but decided to go ahead with setting up my house, & plan trips for the holiday, to see what he does, so I went out & bought things for the house.<BR>But am I crazy for not letting the lying jerk know, that I know, he was so funny last night he was finishing unpacking & he finds the papers that deal with her coming, he goes I need to put these in the car so I won't forget them, he carries them in the bathroom with him before he takes them to the car. I almost told him then that I know.<P>My sons wouldn't be unhappy to leave here now, but at the end of the school yr, I don't know. <BR>.

Sing,<P>You are in a tough spot ! It sounds like your h wants to have his cake and eat it too. <P>I think you need to tell him you know he was with her. Calmly as possible, if you don't the tension between you will only get worse. He thinks he is getting away with this, not a good thing because many times a WS will do whatever they can get away with for as long as they can. He has no reason to stop as long as he is letting you meet some of his needs and her meeting others. Believe it or not there are men and women who insist on keeping both. You have a choice if you will allow that or not.<P>You being away from your friends and family makes it even worse for for you. How selfish and disrespectful of him to put you in this position. <P>I can't tell you what to do, only you know how much you can take. If it were me I think I would go home, he needs to get a dose of what life will be like without you and the children in it. JMHO of course. <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Welcome <B>sing</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>This constant back-and-forth of your H is very common...<BR>...a typical form of addiction.<P>How long anyone can stand their spouse in any addiction is a tough call.<P>The traditional MB line is to stick with Plan A for a while...<BR>...I'd say is try it for a while...<BR>...but to let your H know (occasionally) your disappointment that he stop.<P>Get into some cousneling...<BR>...and learn that there may be a need to move to what we call Plan B.<P>How quickly that move comes...<BR>...is up to you.<P>You have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

If you are having problems with her emailing you, I suggest you block her address from your computer mailbox. I, believe, with some phone co.'s you can also block her phone number. You do not have to tolerate contact with the OW. That is unfair and unhealthy to you. <P>Get some counseling!!